Pole Control with Nicole Byer

Nicole Byer

Pole Control with Nicole Byer

In this episode of The Antidote, hosts Amy Aniobi, and Grace Edwards connect with comedian, host, writer, and actress Nicole Byer on answering emails, dancing on the pole, and clap backs for haters on the internet.

Amy & Grace share their bummer news of the week: Georgia allowing everybody and their mama to carry guns, the national baby food shortage, and tragic new reality show: The Ultimatum. They also share their antidotes for the week - RuPaul’s Drag Race and staying hydrated! 


BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE


Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy.

Grace And I'm Grace.  And we want to help. 

Amy And fair warning. Our help comes with some strong language attached. So, like, hide your kids hide your wife, unless she into that, because we about to say some things.

Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news. We're keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated.

Amy We talk about cultural moments we love.

Grace Talk to people we adore

Amy Crushes we have.

Grace And self-care we stand.

Amy During these trying times, we all need a show that focuses on joy.

Grace This is The Antidote. Hi, everybody. Welcome to yet another episode of The Antidote. 

Amy Yay. Oh, my God. Grace, did you see these photos of Rihanna being made pregnant and mad cute?

Grace Why is she- Rihanna, I'm going to talk directly to you. Could you give the rest of us women on planet Earth a f---ing break? Can you just get off our necks? I mean, you're 12 months pregnant looking like a full meal, like that red dress.

Amy Beyond the snack status. 

Grace That's- If I wore that red dress, I would look like a grandma. She looks like-

Amy I'd look like a bottle of ketchup. I'd look like a bottle of ketchup. Looking for a burger.

Grace Anyway, moving on, we can't have the antidote if we don't have something to get an antidote from.

Amy Starting now, up top with our bummer news of the week. So first up, Georgia Governor Kemp signed a bill that allows people to carry guns without license. Did you hear about this?

Grace I unfortunately did hear, yeah.

Amy Literally mere hours after the subway shooting in New York, Kemp said owning a gun without a permit is, quote, "a constitutional authority that people have. And they certainly shouldn't have a piece of paper from the government to be able to legally carry a weapon," end quote, which I think is lunacy. Okay.

Grace Well, how is it legal without a permit? That's my question.

Amy Well, it's legal in Georgia, anyone can just pop off now.

Grace I don't want to go to there anymore.

Amy No.

Grace I'm just like, nah, I mean, I. I get it. I mean, I'm from Michigan. A lot of people have guns in Michigan. You know,.

Amy Texas. I'm from Texas.

Grace I personally. Yeah. You know, I'm personally against gun ownership, but at the very least, the bare minimum, there should be at least background checks, making sure the person is not a domestic abuser. Like making sure that the person doesn't have a criminal record. Like those are what the permits are good for truckin. But I guess he's like, not even that.

Amy There's nothing more transparent than this bill to prove that he's basically just saying, Hey, gun lobbyists, I'm your f---ing bitch. Put it in my mouth. It's like literally nuts that he's so openly, like, just, you know, a pawn, a pawn.

Grace And anybody anybody can get one, you know what, out of the womb. Instead of wrapping you in a blank- instead of wrapping you in a blue blanket.

Grace We're going to give a baby a gun, because guess what?

Amy Little gun.

Grace Little tiny gun. You know, just in case you need protection in the nursery.

Amy Just in case. Just in case. Timmy, Timmy the toddler is stealing your blocks. You come.

Amy Glocked. I'm like, What the f---? The United States has the

Amy Most gun related killings in the world, and we're like, the response to that is more guns.

Grace More guns. Yeah, it's just a bummer.

Amy It's a bummer from jump. But you know what? You also mentioned babies. And so I'm going to take you to our second bummer news. Yeah, there's a shortage of baby formula. Did you hear about this? Like, it's getting worse and it's leading some retailers to limit how much customers can buy in a given transaction. Apparently, there are thousands of young babies across the country that rely on formula each year. It's something like 25% of infants born in 2017 were fed exclusively through breastfeeding, which means that the other 75% if you can do math, I'm bad at math, so I'm just doing it saying this out loud to help myself.

Grace That was correct.

Amy But the other seventy-, thank you. 75%, they rely on formula. And now because of supply chain issues caused by, you guessed it, COVID and inflation prices and lack of necessary ingredients because of the pandemic, there's a shortage of baby formula and they're literally rationing baby formula in some states.

Amy Isn't that nuts?.

Grace We get more third world.

Grace Every day.

Grace I this makes me really sad. I think I was a formula fed baby. I think my mom did.

Amy It was, too.

Grace I think my mom did like breastfeeding for like a couple months. But I think I know my momma.

Amy Not my mama. She had a job.


Grace Like, yeah, I had to do formula and I think I remember my baby brother had formula too. So that's really sad that this vital thing and you know, not every woman can breastfeed. Some women try really hard and they're not able to do it. So this seems like a pretty big crisis.


Amy Yeah. And I said it kind of dismissively, like my mom didn't breastfeed me because she had a job. Lots of mothers who have jobs breastfeed. But like Grace said, like lots of people don't have the ability. And also my mother literally worked nights. So how was I going to be breastfeeding? I'm not at the hospital with her. My little baby ass would get real sick. So I was home being fed formula by my confused dad. So I'm like over here like literally children to think of like rationing food for babies.


Grace It's so dark.


Amy It's just something that's like what? It just feels very strange to me to to hear that there are literally plants in Michigan. Michigan, your home state?


Grace Yeah.


Amy Where there are literally they were kind of trying to manufacture the baby formula from other ingredients and then baby started getting sick because they got bacterial infections and two died. Two babies died.


Grace Yeah, we got to fix it. I don't know how to fix it. Tell me where. Tell me where the gofundme is. I will help or whatever. Somebody, you know, one of our listeners knows an organization that is doing something to help. I would love to donate. This is really sad.


Amy But the sad news doesn't stop there because in fact, where do babies come from? People having sex and I'm trying to make a segue way, where do babies come from? People having sex sometimes or from a tube from a lab. But in this case, people having sex and where does sex come from? A relationship, whether it's good or bad. And my third bit of bummer news is that a relationship show on Netflix called The Ultimatum. Have you seen this show?


Grace I did see this show because everybody was talking about it. So I was like, let me see what foolishness is this. And, you know, I love real dumb reality stuff like Selling Sunset and stuff. So I was like, Well, maybe I like it. I loved at least the first season of Love Is Blind. I didn't really enjoy season two. It was too sad. But but yeah, I watched this. Well.


Amy Well, let me sum it up real quick. For anyone who doesn't now it's the full title is The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On. And it's a dating series about long term couples who come in, swap partners and decide if they'd like to keep their current partner or pursue a relationship with another compatible person on the show. Which to me sounds like chaos.


Grace It's pure chaos, first of all, like just getting into it. Like I just remember there was at least two girls. It might have been three girls who are just like, He needs to marry me because I cook and I clean and I do the laundry. And I was just like.


Grace Is this the


Grace Fifties? Like, why are these girls? Like, why are these girls? They're like 25 talking about like cooking and cleaning for grown men when they both have jobs. Like that's it felt so regressive to me. And even the idea of an ultimatum for marriage, especially that young, felt very regressive. It didn't feel it didn't feel 2022.


Amy Yeah.


Amy All the- like you said, all the women were under the age of 30 and they're all like, I'm delivering an ultimatum, let me tell you something, sis. If you have to deliver an ultimatum in your relationship it's not going that well. Okay. Because you're not on the same page. Yeah, probably something you should want.


Grace Yeah. And then also, like, there were a couple of men who delivered ultimatums to their girlfriends.


Amy Oh, what were those ultimatums?


Grace Yeah, they were just like, get married to me right now. Or else I'm leaving you and finding someone who actually does want to get married. And that also felt and that alternately like- whereas the girls demanding it from the men felt like very regressive. And the men demanding it from the women felt controlling. It's chaotic to watch and it's entertaining, but also it just makes me sad for the next generation. I hope that they're not representative of where the world is going.


Amy I completely agree. I really, really hope that's not that's not where we're going. I'd like to move forward, which means I'd like to get to the antidote. How do you feel, Grace?


Grace Not the best. How about you?


Amy You know, com si com sa.


Grace Com si com sa. Okay, let's get into the antidote.


Amy So for anyone just joining us, this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. What was your antidote this week, Grace?


Grace Well. My antidote this week is an antidote that I have many, many weeks, which is the best show on television. And that show is RuPaul's Drag Race.


Amy Hmm. No, it's a good show. It's a good show.


Grace I love it. There is literally nothing, nothing on television that brings me this much joy, especially since Insecure has left. There is literally nothing that brings me this much joy because it like is a treat for your senses. It's like your eyes, like you're seeing this beautiful makeup that these girls do. They're also really, really funny. A lot of the times they do these acting challenges. They're often at least stylists like putting together looks. But some of them are also designers. Some of them make their own clothes. They have to dance. They have to be able to lip sync well, which is a harder skill than you would think. So it feels like almost the ultimate artist is a drag performer. I love that. And I also learn a lot too about LGBTQIA issues that I wouldn't have known before, and also I've been watching since the beginning, so it's been beautiful to actually watch where season one everyone is. Just like my family threw me in the trash and oh no, never spoke to me ever again because I'm gay. And now to this season where there's this. A drag performer named Jorgeous. Obsessed. And she is just like, Oh, I saw a drag at 16. And my parents are so supportive and so it's really beautiful to see like that there's more acceptance of drag and it becomes more mainstream and people are having so much appreciation for this art form. And of course, I have my favorite performers like Shea Coulee and Jaida Essence Hall.


Amy Yeah, I love Shea Coulee.


Grace And-


Amy Shangela.


Grace Shangela, Trinity The Tuck, you know, Jinkx Monsoon, a bunch of these girls. And so it just brings me so much joy. It lights me up, I laugh, I cry at some of the sad stories. I'm moved to tears. I really, really, really, really love it. And as a writer, I don't have to, like, analyze things. Why is this good? Why is this bad? You know, it's really, really a fun, fun experience for me.


Amy I love that. I love that. I mean, I think that's a great a great antidote. And I love that just disappearing into a reality show is sometimes like what we need as writers to just be like, put this brain on pause.


Grace Yeah.


Grace So with so much fun but still consuming artistry at the same time. So, Amy, that was mine. What was yours this week?


Amy Okay, this is going to sound basic. As f---, but like, literally, my antidote this week was drinking water, hydrating bitch. Like, literally, I was just like- I traveled. Well, we talked about it on the podcast. We went on vacation in Hawaii with my friend for her bachelorette, and then I did like a research trip for work and came back and like travel just, like, dries me out. Like, I'm just like a little raisin when I come back from trips because you're on planes and planes are drying you wearing a mask and you can't drink as much and whatever. And I got back and I'm like, I'm going to make a concerted effort to, like, rehydrate myself. And also it was really hot in L.A. It was like 90 something degrees when we came back. And I was just kind of like, I'm going to dry up some more. And I'm I'm we talked about like using facial masks for our skin, but I also have like ten little magnets on the side of my fridge, like literally the numbers one through ten that I move through the day when I drink a cup of water. Is that Virgo?


Grace Yeah. I wasn't going to say it this time. I wasn't going to say it this time.


Amy Oh my God, it's okay. You can always call me out. But it's only because everyone, everyone I know has, like, a bottle that tells them when to drink or it's like one cup almost there. Two cups. You got it. And I hate those bottles. I'm just like, I don't need to be cheered on. I just need to do my job. That's also Virgo of me. But literally, like this week in particular, I was like, I'm going to drink water. I'm going to make sure I get to at least eight every day. I don't always get to ten, ten. It's just like extra credit, but I'm going to get at least eight. But then I also was changing the types of water I was drinking.


Amy So I was drinking like-.


Grace You were doing a little flight? Like a little tasting.


Amy Yes. A water flight. So I had like purified water and then I had alkaline water and then I had coconut water. And then I also have this nonalcoholic spirit called Seedlip. I don't know if you've ever heard of this. It got sent to me. I'm bougie, but I don't buy sh-- like this. Like I like alcohol. If I'm going to be drinking, let me drink. But like there is this nonalcoholic water called Seedlip that tastes like alcohol. Basically with the alcohol taken out. It tastes like an old fashioned, but without the burn of the whiskey, which I really like, I like the burn of the whiskey. But literally I was like, I'm on a hydration kick, so I drink that as a cocktail. And I was like, Ooh, I'm over hydrated. And I sprayed my face with rose water and guys putting moisture into your body makes you feel younger. I felt more energized. I was like, there was pep in my step. And even though I don't think I'm going to keep doing these water flights forever, it was like kind of a nice antidote to re acclimate myself back into like normal life. I guess after so much travel, I was like, I want to just like make sure that I'm moisturized and like not a dried up little girl with some ashy spots. So that was my antidote.


Grace With some ashy spots, I love that.


Amy I feel like both are our antidotes. This week we're about replenishing ourselves.


Grace Yes.


Amy I'm going to- I don't know if it's a stretch to say that, but I think they.


Amy Were.


Grace We'll take it, we'll take it.


Amy Well. Awesome. We'll be back after this break. Welcome back to The Antidote. We have a special guest today. Who is it, Grace?


Grace Our friend Nicole Byer. Nicole is an incredible actor, comedian and Emmy motherf---ing nominated host of Nailed It on Netflix. She also hosts Wipeout on TBS and a bevy of podcasts, including Why Won't You Date Me, Best Friends and 90 Day Bae. She has appeared on countless television shows, including Loosely Exactly Nicole, where this queen gave me my first J-O-B. She stars in the NBC series Grand Crew, created by our friend Phil Jackson. She has a half hour stand up special currently on Netflix and an hour long Netflix special called BBW or Big, Beautiful Weirdo. Please welcome Nicole Byer, our ultra talented, super busy, bad bitch of a friend.


Nicole Byer What a lovely intro. It's so funny to listen to a friend say nice things about you.


Grace Well, it's all true, girl. So it was easy.


Nicole Byer Well. Thank you for having me, Grace. Amy, thank you for having me.


Amy Thrilled. Thrilled.


Grace It's our pleasure. So before we get started, let's check in first. Like, how are you feeling today? Like, not small talk. How are you feeling like. Is there anything bringing you joy today or anything sort of weighing on you?


Nicole Byer Well, today was, like, not a super busy day.


Grace Mm hmm.


Nicole Byer So I didn't really get around to, like, answering emails and stuff until, like, five ish.


Grace Yeah, I mean, I get it. I totally sometimes when I'm sitting there in my pho- phone doing whatever, I'm just like, I should be doing work.


Amy I completely agree. And I also think that like emails like literally no matter what you do, answer them or not, more will arrive.


Nicole Byer I mean. It is awful.


Grace Yeah. And it's just like these little notes that just interrupt your day.


Nicole Byer They sure do. They really do. And then you have to, like, have an answer. So I just created a new email address for when I shop. So I'm going to have that email address so that doesn't f---ing clog up the rest of my emails.


Amy That's smart.


Nicole Byer You know, I'm trying I'm really trying to work. How you say smarter.


Grace Not harder.


Nicole Byer And not f---ing stupid.


Grace Oh, well,.


Amy I want that for you. And you know what? You might feel unproductive, but I want us to just raise our vibration today. As you know, this show is called The Antidote, because life is hard, and we all need different antidotes to deal with the bullsh--. So I'm curious, what has been an antidote for you this week? What's something non-work-related that's bringing you joy or this month or this year?


Nicole Byer Well, I was like super busy for like a solid two weeks, so I didn't work out or anything and I didn't pole dance. But on Sunday I went and had a pole session with my pole teacher, Veronica, who I love dearly, and she taught me how to do. I think it's just called like a hanging hold where your top arm is high up on the pole, your forearm is resting across the pole, your other arm, the lower one, and then you hold yourself off the ground. You do a climb and then you hold yourself. And I had she was like, It's going to be quick. You're going to come down fast. She was just, you know, and I was like, okay. And then I did it a couple of times and she was right. And then there was one right held it for like a three count. And I was like, Yeah, I like, I have a very big I'm fat as f---, but like I'm strong and like that felt really good and really nice and it was like this fat body, not only does it like carry me places, but it's like really f---ing strong and can do some, like, pretty incredible things that other people can't do. So that felt really nice.


Amy I am ready for the video. Like, I know there will be a video.


Grace I mean, there's so many poling videos on her Instagram. I mean, it's a treasure trove of poling.


Amy I watch them all.


Grace If you want to see them.


Nicole Byer I will say. Get ready for some more. Because I had a pole outside for a very long time because I was like, I couldn't put a pole in my house. What if I f--- up a ceiling and I'm like, Who cares what f--- up a ceiling? I'll fix that. And then I had like a bed in my office because I was like, it doubles as a guestroom. And a friend came over and was like, You have a bed and every single- who's coming to your home, I was like, you're right. I now live alone. Who's coming here?


Grace I mean, I feel like there's so many people in and out of the house because I used to live with Nicole for a minute. Like, I got really scared at my Airbnb when I was working for her. You know, I was coming from New York, and so I was not used to like people being able to walk up to your door like. And so I was like scared all the time. And there was all these entrances and and.


Nicole Byer Oh, yes,.


Amy Why so many entrances?


Grace  I just don't know. But then-


Nicole Byer This was in Echo Park?


Grace In Echo Park by the lake. And so Nicole's like-


Amy Oh no, you can't live by a lake with multiple entrances.


Amy Lake people going to get inside.


Grace And literally like Nicole was just like, Grace, I cannot hear you talk about this one more time. So come live with me.


Grace So I came my little suitcase.


Grace and  I lived with Nicole for a bit, but there's always fun people coming up and through your house. So I feel like you need the beds, right?


Amy Yeah, but you just, like, hosted the Critics Choice Award.


Nicole Byer Yeah, that was a lot. That was pretty stressful.


Amy You looked gorgeous. It was.


Nicole Byer Thank you.


Amy I was there.


Amy I was there.


Nicole Byer You were there. Stressful, live television. Stressful because you're like, there's no take over, take overs? There's no redos for me. Oh my God, there's no redos. It's like I had to be very aware not to curse on television.


Amy That's difficult.


Nicole Byer And let me tell you, it felt like- it's hard. It's so hard because you're like, oh, sh--, I didn't read that right. You can't see that. You just have to keep going. Make it funny. Hopefully it's funny, but I felt like I was interrupting a like conference. It was in the bathroom of a hotel.


Amy In the basement ballroom?


Nicole Byer Yes. Basement ballroom of the Fairmont Hotel on the west side of town. And people would get up in between things and like be hugging and stuff. And then a lady over the loudspeaker would be like, sit down, five, four. And I was like, oh, my God. And then people would sit and be like, kind of mad.


Amy Like, Hey, I know you were just talking to your best friend, but please.


Amy Listen to me.


Nicole Byer Yeah, it it felt insane, but it was very fun. And I do love looks, costume changes, and looking fabulous. Like I got all the Getty's. Yeah.


Grace Oh my goodness. That Siriano. That Siriano.


Nicole Byer  Christian Siriano. I have got to just give him a shout out because my stylist, Marco, whatever Marco dreams up, Christian executes in the most beautiful way. Yeah my like. I really love the pink dress that I got to wear. But that purple dress I got to wear to the Emmys.


Amy Oh, my God, that purple dress. If anyone hasn't seen it, please go to Nicole's Instagram because she reposts it every now and then.


Amy Because it is perfect.


Grace Stunning.


Nicole Byer It was like a dream realized. I felt like I felt like Martin Luther King Jr. He had a dream and.


Nicole Byer So did I.


Nicole Byer Someone's gonna listen and be like, Oh, my God.


Amy She just said- Hollywood's beloved host said.


Grace Okay. So that was amazing. I love that thought process. And I'm sure that like on days where you're feeling super stressed, like you can just take yourself mentally back to that moment and look, look what you've accomplished. Like, you know, Christian Siriano is making you gowns and you're an Emmy nominated host. You know.


Nicole Byer Thing is, I can't do that. Well, I never reminisce on things I have done. And I'm never like, look at what you've achieved. I'm always like, you're in a creative lull right now. You're having a hard time writing jokes. Even though I put out a special, I'm like, How do I get back to where I was? How am I writing more? How am I perform? It's bad. I don't. I need to learn how to like, enjoy the moment and enjoy what I've created.


Grace Yes, you definitely do. And also, you know, both you and Amy are Virgos.


Nicole Byer Amy, when is your birthday?


Amy August 28th.


Nicole Byer Oh my God. I'm one day later.


Amy What? Incredible. I'm a double Virgo, Rising and sun.


Nicole Byer Same. But on some charts we're Leo's.


Amy Yeah, yeah. But f--- those charts because I know myself. I love a list. I love critique. I love to critique.


Nicole Byer I didn't realize how much. Like, I'm a pretty messy person, but, like, my mess is organized specifically to me that when someone adds something to the mess. I can tell what you about. And I'm mad.


Amy I'm like, that spoon shouldn't be on that pile of spoons.


Nicole Byer Yes. Because I'm like, that's not where the spoon. That's a different spoon pile. Then that spoon belongs. And I get, like, unreasonably angry and it's like, bitch, it's all just a mess.


Amy Yeah.


Grace But that's all I'm saying. There's, like, parts of you. You guys are very different, but you're also the same. You know what I'm saying? Like that whole thing of, like, I must work, work, work, work, productivity, productivity. I think that you both. You guys both have that.


Amy The inability to reminisce. I don't do that. I'm just like, well, yeah, dummy, you haven't gotten as far as you said you would.


Nicole Byer Exactly.


Amy Buckle down.


Nicole Byer Exactly. Which is awful. And then sometimes when you've, like, overachieved, gone a little further than you want to, it's like, Yeah, well, sure. Why wasn't it more?


Amy When people do negative reviews of Nicole or work you've been on? Like, Nailed It. Not for me. And you're like, repost and you're like, Great, Christina. Thank you very much. I'm obsessed with that because I'm like, views are views, honey. Views are views.


Nicole Byer I just want to read you the best review I've ever gotten.


Amy Yes, please.


Nicole Byer Okay. So they're criticizing Grand Crew and also complimenting it at the same time. But so it's a whole review. But then it gets to me. Now, I detest and I mean in all caps detest Nicole Byer. I don't think she has one shred of talent and often ruins any scene she's in. She's always over the top for every line and always trying too hard to be exuberant and funny which she isn't. That was poor casting. The part was written for me. I'd be pleased if I never had to see another show with her. And she is the number one detractor for me. The story lines and the plots aren't groundbreaking, but then neither of the storylines and plots of most ensemble cast shows. The biggest problem they seem to have is they rely on Nicole Byer for any humor. And well, read my point above. And then there's a little bit more about sitcoms of color where color merely vanishes. I really commend producers, writers, etc., for that. These are rare shows that are just human experiences, not racial experiences. So six stars for how the show is written out of how many? I don't know. For actual entertainment value, I'd probably go three or four. The nonracial writing is a large step in the right direction. Now they just need to work on the humor aspect and replace Nicole Byer. My friend, I love you because I don't know you and you're sitting here stewing. That's funny. You sat down and were like.


Grace The time that took to formulate you know he spell checked it. I'm assuming it's "he."


Amy Is it "Byer" "by" or "buy?" Let me look it up.


Nicole Byer I love it - it like brings me actual joy when people openly tag me and don't like me because I try to make people laugh and smile. But if I don't and then it makes you feel better to tell me I'm terrible, then that means I've done, like, the same thing.


Amy You want it either way.


Nicole Byer Yeah, I did something. I made you feel something, and you felt better telling me I'm a piece of sh--. That's fine. My check cleared. It's great. Did yours? It sure didn't. But you feel better in that moment.


Grace They got a lot of time.


Amy You used work hours.


Nicole Byer That's fine. That's fine with me. Yeah. And also, people are so creative. This one person said that I had fat black fingers like cockroaches, and I was like, You should be a writer. I have never heard those words together in any sort of description. And then they also like went on to be like your Cheeto crusted. And I was like you don't know I eat Cheetos. I love that you've like now made a fantasy about me and.


Grace This is so mentally healthy.


Amy I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Like the reframe, the power of the reframe. I stand.


Nicole Byer Like I just, you know. I was like a bad kid and I did bad things and it was like if my mother used to say she was like, if you just focused on anything, the things you could achieve. Because I'd be like like I used to shoplift. I was a bad little kid and like, it was just like figuring that things out. It was just like if you just applied it to something positive, like instead of like saying something nasty to someone, maybe you write a poem or like write a script like you could do the things that you want to do. But also if you don't, that's fine too.


Amy I'm obsessed with this. Like. This is my favorite thing. You're like- that ability because I feel like it's so easy. We are in such a time where, like, we get lost in the comments and like, people can get like. And I, I've fallen prey to that. Like, I'm someone who had to be like, Oh, I'm going to turn this off. I'm going to mute this person. And sometimes I'm like, I love the idea and I'm wondering if it was a process for you finding that ability to be like, Oh, no, let me look at it this way. Oh, I won. Or is that just naturally just how you grew up? The result of great therapy.


Grace When Girl Code first came out, people were like, She's fat, she's not funny. And I was like, Well, I am fat. That's true. And then I was like, Huh? Maybe I'm actually not funny to that person. Comedy's super subjective. That's okay. I don't have to be for everybody. Hopefully the people who I am for are ride or dies and follow me from thing to thing. Also I made it to TV. So like that in itself is a huge feat. So like being not funny. That's nice. That's nice that I got the job. And then I think when like someone critiques writing on a show, it's like, but it made it to television. So it's like you might be critiquing it, but like it got made. So at some level it is good. It's just not.


Amy Yeah.


Grace For you. Yeah.


Nicole Byer And there's things that are not for me. I just don't publicly put them on blast because somebody worked really hard on it.


Grace I just need a piece of that because literally someone wrote a BuzzFeed article about Jodie. Jodie has not even come out yet.  And I like literally like curled into a ball.


Amy Jodie is Grace's new show.


Nicole Byer So here's the thing. Somebody holds Jodie near and dear to their heart. They think you're going to do something to ruin that. So they're projecting sh-- onto you.


Grace Yeah, yeah.


Nicole Byer You got the job because you pitched something great that the creators or the network in charge of this IP was like, We see that in you. So it's like, if somebody has something to say, who cares? Somebody who makes a decision, chose you. And that one person might not like it, but 100 might. You know?


Grace Yeah. Yeah, I've, I've readjusted my thinking. I've gotten to the point where like, I no longer read comments about it. But now- but I need to get to your place where-


Amy I want to reframe. Yeah, I could-


Nicole Byer Log into that bank account.


Grace Oh, that's true.


Amy That's a good a point.


Nicole Byer Just log in and go, that's nice.


Amy Yeah, that's my favorite part because the people especially I love seeing the anti Nailed It comments because I am sort of like but you watch.


Grace You watched the whole thing.


Amy You watched.


Grace She got this dream though, she got this dream though.


Amy I'm like, wait, what?


Nicole Byer And again I'm not for everybody. Yeah. And whenever because some of the comments are just like, oh, she's a comic for white people, or she's like, she's not really black or whatever. And I'm like, Huh? Well, aren't you revealing yourself? Like, I've done that my whole life and it doesn't bother me anymore. But I was like, Isn't that interesting that you think we're a monolith and we're not?


Amy Mm. So yeah.


Grace That's a very. Frustrating comment. I mean, both of us, both Amy and I have gotten that thrown at us that time.


Amy Oh, 100%.


Nicole Byer Yeah. I mean, like, what is black? What is white? I'm just like, when people are like, you're not black enough. I'm like, according to who? Other black people or like, stereotypes that white people have pushed on us. Yeah. Like, it's like it's a huge it's a very big conversation.


Amy Yeah. Somebody has written the dissertation, yeah. Somebody somewhere has studied it. Right. So, yeah, I'll look up for the essay. 


Nicole Byer Maybe you don't have to. I feel like I'm-


Grace See that's the Virgo coming back. She's just like, I have to study.


Amy I have a degree.


Grace I have to be prepared to answer this question in the future.


Amy That's the Nigerian cropping up. Because I'm like, can I get a degree in studying that? I'm trying.


Grace Yes, 100%. But so I have another question for you, Nicole. Oh, what would you say is your proudest non career achievement?


Nicole Byer Oh. My proudest non career achievement. That's that's honestly it's a really hard question because.


Amy You know, you got to put that Virgo down for a little bit.


Nicole Byer Yeah. So much of my life is just wrapped up in my career. Mm hmm. Um, I don't know. I taught my dog had a roll over, and that was pretty. Pretty, pretty great.


Grace Which Clyde? Which what was Dog? Clyde?


Nicole Byer I taught Clyde how to- so I taught him how to sit, shake, lay, roll over and crawl so he could do all of those at once. Sometimes if I just go sit and I'm holding a treat, he'll roll over without laying down which is truly incredible to see. That's not my proudest achievement. What is my proudest f---ing achievement? Actually, you know what I think my proudest achievement, it was before I had a career acting- was the play that I was in in high school. I think like I did a really great job. My mom was super proud of me.


Grace Which was the play? Which one was it?


Nicole Byer So there was so many students at school who wanted to do theater. So we did a collection of shorts by Christopher Durang, and I was in one called DMV Tyrant. And it's just this like woman at the DMV who like isn't helpful.


Amy Love that.


Nicole Byer And the first night went really well. The second night went really, really well and then the third night went well. And someone complimented me on the third night and my mom was like, You should've seen her the night before. I was like, Damn! She was right. I was better the night before. But still funny the third night.


Amy And that put in you the fire to always better yourself. Well, I'm glad that that play that you were in in high school lit a fire in you. It sounds I wish I wish I could have seen you on the second night.


Grace Not the third night, but the second night when you were transformative.


Nicole Byer Yes, just on fire.


Amy I feel so much better now that we've talked to you, Nicole. I mean, you know, the world still stinks, but it stinks.


Nicole Byer Oh, that's so sweet.


Grace Isn't she? She can be sweet sometimes. Not all the time. But sometimes. But do you have anything coming up that you want to tell us about? Anything you'd like to plug? It can even be something you just love and not something that you created.


Nicole Byer Something I love. I love to send people gifts. So maybe that's something if you're listening, if you're thinking of someone, send them something. Also, I will plug something I've performed in Grand Crew, please. Yes, you can watch on Peacock Hulu and yeah just-


Grace On demand too. You can get it on demand.


Nicole Byer It's NBC, so yeah. Watch it wherever you can. Tell an enemy, tell a friend, tell everyone you can.


Amy Love it. And where can people find you on the internets?


Nicole Byer Oh, you can find me on Instagrams at Nicole Byer and on Twitter at Nicole Byer and I don't want to start a tik tok.


Amy I started one. I'm sorry I did it. I did it.


Nicole Byer I feel like I have to. Like tik tok is the thing.


Amy Maybe do it. You could start real easy, just like photos of you in beautiful dresses to a song and tik tok will time it out to the music.


Grace Oh, I didn't even know you could.


Amy That could be your first tik or tok.


Grace Your first tok.


Nicole Byer I don't know what they're called.


Amy It could be your first little tik tok, but my first tok.


Grace Your little twok.


Amy Yeah. Your first tok.


Grace Is it like a tweet? 


Amy Thank you so much, Nicole.


Nicole Byer Thank you.


Grace Thank you.


Amy Bye.


Grace Now we're going to do our creative tap in, in which we tap tap tap in to our creativity. Amy and I are both writers, so being creative brings us joy. And this is a podcast about joy.


Amy So Grace is going to surprise me with a quote about creativity, and I'm going to let her know what it makes me think.


Grace The quote is. "Your desire is your prayer. Picture the fulfillment of your desire now and feel it's reality. And you will experience the joy of the answered prayer." That is by Dr. Joseph Murphy. I'll read it one more time. "Your desire is your prayer. Picture the fulfillment of your desire now and feel it's reality. And you will experience the joy of the answered prayer." Dr. Joseph Murphy.


Amy That ain't nothing but some manifestation, hoe.


Grace I know right.


Amy I'm like, let's manifest. I literally love this quote because literally it is manifestation. Yes. That's what it is. That's what it is. And I- it's so difficult for me personally to mani-. I had to like go to a workshop on manifestation to like learn how to feel that.


Grace Virgo.


Amy And I had to listen to, oh, my God, I'm going to call I'm going to name something that's really going to embarrass me. But it unlocked for me manifestation really unlocked for me. When I heard the Ariana Grande song. Just like magic. Y'all, I know I sound real stupid, but literally go and read the lyrics to that song. Literally, Ariana Grande is like dream it and I get it. But literally I'm saying it's a perfect song. I listen to that song and I was like, the power of manifestation. She's like, I get everything I want because I'm attractive, because I attract it. She says it both ways. I get everything I want because I attract it. And I'm like, literally, yes. And that's why I love this quote, because this is like literally what successful people do. They manifest. They say, I already got it. It's mine. Thank you, universe. Like, that's the whole point. So to me, that's what it says to me. I love it. When I heard it the first time, I was like, What? And then I heard it the second time, and I was like, Yeah, that's some manifestation sh--. Yeah. What does it make you feel?


Grace It means to me very much the same. Like, what is the journey to being an artist? What is the journey to being a creative person other than having faith and believing that it can happen? I genuinely do believe in manifestation and I believe that the things that I don't have, it's because I don't really believe them in my spirit. And I think the essence of being an artist, an essence of like using your mind to create things. What is that other than manifestation? What is being an artist other than manifestation? Like we sit in front of a blank screen as writers all the time and literally we manifest shows or or work and words to come from nothing. This quote means to me the essence of being an artist, which is creativity, which means to create, which means to manifest, which means you have to see it first before you can achieve it. So this is like one of the most pure quotes to me about creativity.


Amy But I do want to add, like, I know you made fun of me for being a Virgo and taking like a workshop on manifesting, but like it was on YouTube. So let's all calm down. But also, I do want to add that like the reason I had to do it because I used to think the opposite my entire life as a kid, any time I was like, I'm going to win, I would lose any time I was, it felt that way. It was like any time I was like, I want to get first chair in the band, I wouldn't get it. But like the times where I was like, I don't think I'm going to get this, it would happen. And so I trained myself to not imagine the good scenario. So for 30 something years, I felt that if I saw it in my head, it wouldn't happen and I had to work hard to get it and ignore the result. And that worked for me. Like it worked, you know, like I literally it made me work harder because I was like, I can't see what it looks like, so I need to work harder. So I had to undo that. I don't know where that programing is, just like me. I think when you're-


Grace It's America.


Amy When you believe something- Yeah, I mean, scarcity complex. Well, it's like when you believe that you don't deserve something. Like, it's hard for you to imagine it. Yeah. So I had to kind of untrain, like 30 plus years of being like, don't imagine you can get it because if you don't get it, it'll make you more disappointed. Ignore that feeling and train myself to be like no sit inside the joy of already having had.


Grace Yeah, I can relate to that 1,000% because I felt like what I realized it was my mindset that was really holding me back in certain ways because I was just like saying something out loud doesn't necessarily mean that you believe it, but I mean, this is just something that has worked for us and for me and so I can say it to people.


Amy And for Ariana Grande.


Grace Yeah, and for Ariana Grande. So I can say it to people, but I feel like, you know, whatever practice that you use. It's just a great thing to try to remain positive and optimistic about your dreams, even if you don't necessarily believe in manifestation.


Amy I love that.


Grace Okay. Well, thanks for listening to The Antidote. We hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?


Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.


Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace. At Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.


Amy And follow me. Amy at AmyAniobi -A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. And follow the show at theeantidotepod.


Grace That's "thee" with two E's.


Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe at Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.


Grace Goodbye.


Amy And reframe that mindset. The Antidote is hosted by us, Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. It's produced by Jenna Hanchard and our associate producer is Taylor Polydore.


Grace Our executive producer is Erica Kraus and our editor is EriKa Janik. Sound Mixing by Eric Romani.


Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT the Artist and Cosmo the Truth.


Grace APM Studio Executives is in charge are Lily Kim, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.


Amy Send us your antidotes at AntidoteShow.org. And remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's "thee" with two E's y'all.


Grace The antidote is a production of American Public Media.