Acts of Service with Aya Cash

Aya Cash The Antidote

Acts of Service with Aya Cash

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with actress Aya Cash about peanut butter and jelly, thrifting, and parents that support your dreams.

Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week: Trans women being denied safety at Ukraine's borders and microplastics found in the lungs of living people. Yuck! Amy and Grace also share their antidotes for the week, which include Black-owned candles and twerking around your house!

This week’s Creative Tap-In: 

“To practice any art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow. So do it.”— Kurt Vonnegut

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FULL TRANSCRIPT

Amy Hey, listeners. Before we start this episode of The Antidote, we want to express that at the time of this recording on May 14th, we heard that ten people were shot and killed and three people were wounded in Buffalo, New York. Our hearts are with the families of the victims.

Grace So before we get into the fun of it all, we wanted to acknowledge that we have heavy, heavy hearts. Words feel hollow right now, but we couldn't not acknowledge this tragedy. Authorities have described this as racially motivated extremism. And we denounce this violence and all violence against Black and brown people.

Amy So as we start the show, we want to remind you that today and every day, Black lives matter.

Grace Black Lives Matter. Thanks for listening.

Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy.

Grace And I'm Grace.

Amy And we want to help. And fair warning. Our help comes with some strong language attached. You know, put some earplugs in the ear holes of anybody who shouldn't be. Listen to this. Because we about to say some things.

Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news. We're keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated.

Amy We talk about cultural moments we love.

Grace Talk to people we adore.

Amy Crushes we have.

Grace And self-care we stan.

Amy During these trying times. We all need a show that focuses on joy.

Grace This is The Antidote.

Amy Woo! Woo!

Grace Hi, everybody. Welcome. Well, we can't have the antidote if we don't have something to have an antidote from.

Amy Starting now, up top with our bummer news of the week. Guys, I'm really bummed out about this one. So transwomen are apparently being denied safety at Ukraine's borders, which is just a blow because black people are also being denied safety at Ukraine's borders. And I'm just like, come on, it's a war. See humans as humans and just help people. I also kind of feel like there's just been so much trans violence in the last like, I mean, since forever. But in the last couple of years it's been so much trans violence. And this always makes me think of the intersectionality of being black and trans or of color and trans, and it means you're double unsafe. And I feel I've heard that, you know, since 2017, trans people in Ukraine have been legally recognized but must undergo extensive psychiatric observation and a lengthy bureaucratic process before their gender can be reflected on formal documents. Add to that the way that all these people in East Europe be treating people of color and black people specifically. I'm just like, end this f---ing war and be kind. Can we just be kind? It's too hard to ask.

Grace Yeah, I mean, it's really disturbing. I mean, sometimes it's it's funny. Like, I sometimes I reflect on Martin Luther King's words. That said, the arc of the moral universe is long, but it always bends toward justice. And I have to remember that, because sometimes it feels like we're taking so many steps backwards, like there's so many new laws against trans people just popping up all over the country. There's so many there's so much gerrymandering and there's so much anti voting rights going on. It just feels very anti progress, period. So this really makes me sad. I mean, obviously, you know, as a human being, my heart is with any person that's in any kind of conflict. That means in the Ukraine, that means in the Middle East, that means in Africa. That means all the way around the world. But it's it's hard when you can't feel 100% on board with loving people because they're being hateful towards others. So that that's a real bummer.

Amy Yes.

Grace I'm really sad to hear that.

Amy The bummers don't stop there. I also read that microplastics have been found in the lungs of living people. Did you hear about this? Microplastics, microplastics. So basically there's this thing called polypropylene, and it's used in plastic packaging and pipes and PET, which is a type of packaging, and it's used in bottles like, you know, plastic bottles, like, well, then we drink water out of. Well, people have been breathing in the tiny particles, you know, for years. But now microplastics have been detected in human blood for the first time in March. And it's showing that the particles can travel through the body and may lodge in organs.

Grace Nope.

Amy They say the impact on health is as yet unknown. But I'm going to tell you one thing. It doesn't sound good. It doesn't sound good, Grace.

Grace I don't think that we should have that. And you know what? I made a commitment a while ago to start drinking water almost exclusively out of glass bottles. Hmm. And so this is validating my decision to do that. And also, like, you know, I get, you know, like meal delivery services. And sometimes I'm just like, you know, let me not just heat it up in what it came in, which is plastic. Let me put it in an actual dish and then put it in the microwave or you know, I've even stopped trying to use a microwave so much. Sometimes if it looks like something I can heat up on the stove or put in the oven, I will do that because I do really believe that it's just really not healthy. Like I used to eat so many TV dinners as a kid. So I feel like I'm full of plastic already.

Amy You full of plastic, girl. You might be full of plastic.

Grace I'm full of plastic. And then, you know, I was poor for a long time, so, like, you know, eating, you know, green giant, you know, steamed vegetables out of a friggin plastic bag.

Amy No, nutrients.

Grace I feel like I'm probably already been exposed to a lot. But, you know, what I'm trying to do now is I my favorite water is Mountain Valley. And so. I drink a lot of that.

Amy Yeah, it does come in that fancy bottle. I don't buy that sh--. I'm like, who this for? And then I also have like this fear that the bottle, the glass, like in the recycling bin is going to get crushed and then some recycle man is going to pick it up and cut his arms open.

Grace Oh, my God.

Amy I literally am always like, uhhh.

Grace Not something you should worry about.

Amy But that's my anxiety. I'm like, what if the glass breaks and then it hurt somebody later? But also, when you talk about microwaves, man, I'll be using that thing. I'm going to be honest. Like to bring out a pan and a spatula and to whisk sh-- around in that spatula and just, like, put it in the microwave. And then I'm like, What is this doing to me? Well, microwaving all this food every day.

 

Grace I remember from fifth grade. Mr. something. Mr.. I don't remember his name.

 

Amy You don't remember, sounds like..

 

Grace I do not remember his name. He was not very nice to me. But anyway, I remember him saying when you put on the microwave, go into the other room. I remember that from.

 

Amy Yes, I do like step away. I don't stand in front and stare.

 

Grace But I but I was just like, well if you have to go to the other room, it's probably not that great, but I, but I use it. But you know, the one thing that I do try to do and I'm not saying I'm perfect with it, but I try to like move things from plastic container and put them in an actual plate. I don't even know what what are the chemicals on the plate? I don't.

 

Amy I know that's the thing cause my plates are black and I'm like, how they become black? Like, not in a racist way, but like. But like, did they paint them like, is it made of black stone? Is it dyed like, how is it black? And it has a gold rim? And I'm like, What's that made out of? I'm pretty sure the chemicals are all up in me and probably in you too sis and probably in our listeners. Sorry y'all.

 

Grace We're all made of plastic.

 

Amy Sorry for that bummer news. I, I feel like sh-- now. How are you feeling, Grace?

 

Grace I don't feel the best.

 

Amy Yeah, that's why it's time for the antidote. Oh, my God. So I want to just get into it and say that my antidote this week and many a week is candles.

 

Grace What kind of candles?

 

Amy Candles are my antidote. And I'll tell you why. It's because they fill your house with, like, pleasant little smells that you weren't expecting that are better than the food you were cooking or the farts you were farting, or, you know, the burps you were burping. It's just like I mean.

 

Grace What I'm hearing is that you are struggling with gas.

 

Amy All I'm saying is, houses be sneaky sometimes. And also we're all working from home. If your windows aren't open, it can get a little like, you know, stale in there. But the solution is to light a candle. And this is not an ad, but I'm just going to run through some of my favorite candles. If you guys follow me on Instagram at AmyAniobi on Instagram, you will also see I posted things about the candles I love. My favorite candle is by a Black owned company called Black Sunflower. They make a rosemary sage candle. They also make a candle called Melanin that literally just smells like, you know, brown delight. And then I also really love Harlem Candle Co, which you introduced me to, Grace.

 

Grace Yeah, I love. I love that place. I actually know the owner, Terry Johnson, and.

 

Amy Oh, wow.

 

Grace So I've seen her business grow and it's so inspirational. But yeah, I have tons, tons of Harlem Candle Company candles.

 

Amy She is celebrity to me. My favorite is Speakeasy. That's my favorite candle. And then I also really love Jean Gray Candles. They have one called Black Magic that has, like spicier smells. Deandra Kriegman has a candle called Santal Cardamom. I think that's how you pronounce the word Santal. But it sounds it smells kind of like Pachulia ish, like cleaning clean and. And, like, a little spicy. I like Alexander Winbush. The September six candle.

 

Grace Same, same. I love that candle.

 

Amy That's a good one. And for diversity, I'm throwing in my one white candle, which is Malin and Goetz.

 

Grace Your one white candle.

 

Amy My one. Yeah, these are all my favorite candles, but they're all Black owned companies. But my my only, like, white company whose candle I absolutely go hard for is Malin and Goetz Sage. I really love sage. You know? I love Sage. Yes. It's it's literally the best smelling candle on the block of any block except the block of black on candles, which kick it out of the water. But anyway, that's that's been my antidote this week. What about you, Grace?

 

Grace Well, my antidote is something I've been doing since I was a little girl.

 

Amy Mm.

 

Grace I love music.

 

Amy Ditto.

 

Grace I love dancing.

 

Amy Me, too.

 

Grace So sometimes when I have just had a long day, or if just my energy I can feel is stale and low. You know, I listen to a lot of podcasts. That's usually my grown up thing to do while I'm showering or whatever. But every so often, you know, and I will talk my way around my house like I will get into it. I will get into the mood of whatever artists it is. I like one thing on heavy rotation as always, even though it's an older song at this point. Queen Bee. What a f---ing me.  I love this The Savage remix with Beyoncé and Megan Thee Stallion. I love.

 

Amy Unstoppable. If you don't jump to put jeans on baby, you won't feel my pain.

 

Grace Exactly. I love that. I love tap, tap, tap in my saweetie. I love dancing around to like old classics like Carl Thomas.Or I also live dancing around to that one Demi Lovato song. Sorry. Or whatever. It's basically about being a bad bitch. It's like, Baby, I'm sorry. I'm not sorry for just being so fabulous. So sometimes I'll even put on a little outfit. I'll be like, You know what? Yeah, I was just like, You know what? This is what I have on sometimes. Just have on some ratty shorts and I'm just like, No, this is not the vibe for this particular song. So sometimes I will put on a little heel, you know? So I feel like, Oh, I like that. I'll put on a little, you know, little freakum dress. And I will dance around, as you know, and I'll help me sometimes close my rings on my Apple Watch. Close my rings.

 

Amy I love this. This. I don't know what that means because I don't have an Apple Watch, but I'm assuming it means, like, movement.

 

Grace Yeah. Like you're supposed to get a certain amount of minutes of movement and a certain amount of calories and a certain amount of hours standing. So those are three rings and you have to close all three for you to be happy. And so.

 

Amy Sounds like pressure.

 

Grace It is purposely so. So yeah, sometimes I will be putting on a full show in my house and I will feel like sweaty and happy afterwards. And I was just released to so many endorphins like exercise often does. And, you know, I have formal exercise like yoga and pilates on and I hike and stuff like that, which I've talked about before on the show. But like every so often it's just fun to do non specific exercise, which means to me put it on some music, dancing around the house and having just a good time. Me, myself and I, you know. So, yeah, just, you know, feeling joyful in your own environment can just shake you out of a dark mood if you have to. To get shaken up.

 

Amy Yeah, dance it out. That sounds great. I love that. That's a great place to stop. We'll be back after the break.

 

Grace Okay. Welcome back to the Antidote. We have a very special guest today. Who is it, Amy?

 

Amy Well, this Bay Area Beauty is an actress and producer best known for her role as Gretchen Cutler in the cult comedy series You're The Worst. She also plays Stormfront in the Amazon superhero drama series, The Boys and Cheryl on Fox's new comedy, a mockumentary called Welcome to the Flat. She is a lover of peanut butter and jelly, vintage clothes and antiquing. Please welcome Aya Cash.

 

Aya Cash I'm my own hype person. Woo.

 

Grace Well, we want to hype you, too, girl. Thank you so much for coming on.

 

Aya Cash Thank you for having me. I like that intro. I feel like that probably captured me more than most things.

 

Grace I just want you to know that me and Amy had a heated discussion about peanut butter and jelly before this.

 

Amy Yes.

 

Grace So we're coming down off of that. To be honest, I'm not sure that Amy and I are friends anymore.

 

Aya Cash Wait, what's the debate?

 

Amy Here's the thing. I love peanut butter and jelly, so I was, like, really ecstatic to talk to you about it. And then I made the mistake of mentioning it to Grace before the show started. And the way I make peanut butter and jelly is mostly peanut butter. It's peanut butter on both slices. And then just a thin layer of jelly in between. 

 

Grace That is-

 

Amy Aya, your face.

 

Grace See, she's on my side. You know what I'm saying? She's on my side. She understands that the peanut butter to jelly ratio is the most important part of the sandwich.

 

Aya Cash So, I mean, Grace is a cat person, so I thought we'd have nothing in common, but. Absolutely. You're insane, Amy. It is. It's about balance.

 

Amy I want more butter.

 

Aya Cash It's about texture.

 

Amy More butter, baby.

 

Aya Cash All peanut butter? No, if anything, I go less on the peanut butter. More on the jelly. Yeah.

 

Grace That. See, that's the right answer. And I don't know how you feel. I love a strawberry preserve.

 

Aya Cash Oh, absolutely.

 

Grace That is. See?

 

Amy Uh, what, the most basic of preserves. You got to go weird. Apricot.

 

Grace How dare you?

 

Amy Blueberry.

 

Aya Cash But the key word is preserve rather than jelly.

 

Amy Yeah.

 

Aya Cash Like that. Yes. That's the high class. And and like, if you've got a little George Foreman grill, if you put it in there and you get it a little.

 

Grace Oh, my goodness. Well, I had not heard that, but I will take that tip to heart.

 

Amy I'm glad we can all agree on preserves. I'm really happy about that. And I will. The only thing I like more than peanut butter is hot peanut butter. So I'm going to try this George Foreman thing.

 

Aya Cash I thought you meant spicy. And I was like, wait, now we've gone too far.

 

Amy No. Like temperature.

 

Grace Amy, was that shade?

 

Amy Just, like, warmed up?

 

Grace Oh, okay.

 

Amy Well, we've started out on a weird foot.

 

Grace I take responsibility for that because I came in hot. But anyway, our guest today is very, very impressive. But we aren't here to talk about your many, many accomplishments. We are here to get deep.

 

Amy Yeah, let's check in. How are you feeling today? Not. Not small talk. Like for real. Anything weighing on you. Anything making you really happy.

 

Aya Cash F---ing horrible. It's so funny. I. I was thinking about coming on this podcast all day, and I was like, do I lie and say, I got out of bed easily. Like, I had such a terrible day.

 

Amy I love. It. Yeah. Get into it. Let's get into it.

 

Grace We're here to raise your vibration, girl, you know. How was your day today? Truly.

 

Aya Cash I just had a sad day. It was like bad weather. But as we know, the world is on fire for many reasons and I just felt super sad all day. And actually I listened to your podcast before I came on because I do my homework like a like a nerdy little students. And and it did it actually made me feel better. And I was I was taking a walk with my dog, listening to the podcast, going like, it's okay, it's going to be okay. And it's, it's fine. We all struggle. You don't have to come in and have all the answers.

 

Amy Yeah, very true. Yeah. So we're here to raise your vibration. Like Grace said, we need different antidotes to deal with that bullsh--. So I'm curious if there was anything today or this week that's bringing you a little joy. What was it?

 

Aya Cash I get so much joy from my dog, and she's also it gets me out of the house. And as I said, I was listening to your podcast with Robin Thede and and I was like y'all talking about, you know, picking up dog sh--. And it's so funny. It's like it's so I think it's like with kids. I mean, I don't know, nor do I want to ever know, but like, you don't get grossed out by it. Like, I love my dog's poop. Like, I'm like, how is it today? Is it healthy? And like, I'm disgusted by all poop. This is not like I'm not a person who's, like, normally cool, but for some reason it's like the act of caretaking. I'm like, I want to know how her health is and like, you look at her poop anyway, but it's like the act of caring for her is what makes me feel love for her. Like what shows me that, like, love is a verb. And so the act of caring for her often takes me out of my head like I did not want to take her on a walk. It's freezing in New York again today. And I but I had to. And then we're on our walk and and I was like, okay, this is this feels better. It feels better to get out of the house. It's like everything you sort of the anticipation of it is always worse. And then you go do the thing and you're like, This was the right thing to do. I didn't need to watch all of that horrible Netflix reality show today. I should have just left the house.

 

Grace First of all, it sounds like like you're one of your luck languages is acts of service. Ooh because you know doing doing stuff for people, learning that love is a verb that is that is very much in tune with the acts of service love language, which is one of my love languages, which means. But you like to do stuff for other people. I like people that do stuff for me and not vice versa. So but but also, I'm curious, what was the Netflix show that you were watching?

 

Aya Cash Oh, my God. It's it's like the same thing over and over again. I just can't even remember what it is now. It's it's a show about is people who bring their significant others.

 

Grace It's the ultimatum.

 

Amy It's the ultimatum.

 

Aya Cash The ultimatum. Yes.

 

Amy We literally dragged it. We dragged it on our podcast.

 

Grace Yeah.

 

Amy Oh my God that show.

 

Aya Cash Yeah.

 

Amy Hot garbage yet  you can't look away.

 

Aya Cash It but it's not the antidote because it's like eating too much candy, which I also did today. Like you're you're like, oh, this feels really good in the moment. Like, I don't have to think or feel. And then afterwards you're like, What? Just happen? What just happened?

 

Grace It is called bingeing for a reason. I do like sometimes you sit and you kill a show and you're just like, Yeah, I don't remember anything that happens other than I feel worse.

 

Aya Cash Oh yeah. But then you got to be kind to yourself too. I feel like that's part of like the bad cycle is actually all the judgment that happens afterwards. Like, it's actually fine too. I've been working very hard. I can take a day and sit in bed and watch a show. It's the judgment that comes from that and the like, Oh, what are you doing that's bad? You're not doing this, you're not doing that. But that's that's the thing to work on.

 

Amy I really believe in like, like, quote unquote, forgiving yourself or procrastinating or like for taking a day unexpectedly. Because sometimes you plan a day like it's Saturday, I'm not going to work. I'm going to just like have a day. And sometimes a day just happens and you're like, Oops, I'm six episodes into this Netflix show and knee deep in a bag of like, you know, candy and you're just like, This happened to me. And I feel like it's important to be like, forgive yourself. It's totally fine. Today was the day. You'll get back on the horse tomorrow.

 

Grace Yeah, that's literally my day today. I just polished off a half a package of chicka boom, chicka boom popcorn boom, boom. chicka a pop.

 

Amy Chicka pop, boom chicka pop.

 

Grace White cheddar.

 

Amy Boom chicka pop. Damn, I have to say something. Honest, guys, I. I said half. Knee deep in a bag of candy. And I didn't want to specify the candy because I thought you guys would drag me. But I'm going to say the candy. That is my guilty pleasure. And you guys can just drag away. It's candy corn.

 

Grace I don't know. I mean, I just want you to know that you're here on the day of the demise of our friendship. First of all, she said that psychotic thing about peanut butter and jelly, and now she tells me it's candy corn, like.

 

Amy But not like every day, but like the month of October. I'm just like.

 

Grace But it's not October, girl. It's not October though.

 

Amy I know. Now it would be peeps. Okay? It would be peeps.

 

Aya Cash Amy, I thought you and I, we're going to, but we have friends in common. I was like, I know what kind of Grace's a cat person. I was like, Amy and I are going to connect and yet.

 

Amy I'm lowkey a monster.

 

Grace Yeah. What is going on today, anyway? Let's. Let's get back on the rails.

 

Amy I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I've embarrassed you both ways, but we do have friends in common. And our friend Alison tells me that you are an exceptional and teacher. I want to hear more about this. Like, where do you do it? What do you find? How long does it take to find something great? All the things.

 

Aya Cash Yeah. I just love old sh--. I always have. It started when I was young because that's, you know, I like stuff. I'm a staff person and. And we couldn't afford new stuff. So you'd go and you'd search and I'd go to the Goodwill bins and I'd get clothes out of there. And I thought that was really fun. I mean, obviously now I just sound like every basic bitch because it's like that's what people do now. Like, everyone's into thrifting. But what?

 

Grace No, I'm not. Everyone. I am. So, like, I'm intimidated by thrifting. In fact, I like need a buddy or something because I always just go in there and I was just like, Everything is everywhere. There's no organization. I am afraid like there's too many things. So but.

 

Aya Cash I think I like the game of I'm like, let's unearth something out of out of a bin of, you know, a dirty. I feel like I feel like I'm just telling you I'm very comfortable touching dirty, nasty sh--.

 

Amy But every now and then you start searching in that sh--, you find some gold. So I'm like, Is there something that you like? Do you usually go with a purpose? Like, I'm looking for a dresser or I'm looking for a chairs for the dining table? Or is it more like a hobby? You're like, I'm just antiquing today, and whatever I find is what I find.

 

Aya Cash I have wishlists from other people. So again, acts of service. I like, I like, I like a task. I like somebody given me like, here's what you need to do. So I have friends who tell me what they're looking for and then I'll go and I'll find something for them.

 

Grace Oh, so kind.

 

Aya Cash I don't need to buy for myself. I just like to.

 

Grace You like to be in a game. Yeah. Well, so is there is something that you have gotten that was like, wow, that was my favorite find of your antiquing adventures.

 

Aya Cash I mean, you know, anything that you find that you realize is worth a lot more like, I found this crazy teapot for $5 once and I looked online on first dibs. It was like 250 bucks. And I was like, amazing. But my husband actually found crazy enough at our local antiques place or like consignment place, he found a dye transfer, which is like a sort of an artist's proof of this photo of a photographer that he just made a movie on.

 

Amy What.

 

Aya Cash And.

 

Amy That's incredible.

 

Aya Cash Like randomly and yeah, for like 150 bucks. And then the artist who still alive was like, Oh, you shouldn't share that for like $15,000. So that's really that's the best one.

 

Amy Wow. He's like, that's worth a lot of money.

 

Grace Oh my God.

 

Amy Save my face for years to come.

 

Grace He's just like, just so you know, I plan on blowing up. And so get the shirts now, boo, because it's about to go.

 

Amy I love that. I am like as a hobby shopping maybe it's the pandemic kind of stresses me out. I think I used to kind of like grazing through a Shawn store and just like touching every shirt and being like, What am I going to try on? And now I'm always like, Get in, get out. And I'm like, I want to get back to that. And I feel like maybe something like searching for treasure in an in a thrift store will make me feel like a little bit more tied to the process of shopping. Again, I miss shopping.

 

Grace Yeah. I mean, I miss mall like I'm from the Midwest. So, like, malls were like a huge part of growing up. Like, your parents would just drop you at the mall. But yeah, that is definitely something lost in the pandemic that. Sort of urge to browse.

 

Amy Speaking of growing up, I know your mom is a celebrated poet. She actually, like, wrote one of my favorite poems ever to the woman crying uncontrollably in the next story. I love that poem so much. And I was curious, what was it like growing up in a creative household? Did it feel like you're like, I'm going to be an actor? And they're like, stay away from this fresh howl? Or are they more like, Yes, pursue your dreams? Did you feel supported or or like you're being a rebel in any way?

 

Aya Cash No, I lucked out completely. My my parents were very supportive of me doing basically anything other than becoming Republican. They were like. You're a. I mean, they were they were so supportive and so surprised when I started to make a living at it. Like, I don't think they were. I don't think their or my idea of being in the arts ever included like financial stability. So that was the surprise. Yeah, it's I mean, I really like on my bad days, I think about God, I'm just so insanely lucky to have this as a career and to to support myself because my, my, both my parents were artists. My dad was a musician and my mom was a poet is a poet. And I struggle so much and my mother is an insanely successful poet, but she doesn't make a lot of money. That poetry is not valued in our society. The way fake f---ing on TV is.

 

Grace Right.

 

Amy Says a lot about us, but you right, you right.

 

Aya Cash It's true. So I feel so lucky, and I really respect the way they both dealt with their art. And my mom, you know, my mom was in Penthouse when I was a kid. She had an erotic short story in Penthouse because that was a way to pay the bills like she did things that like, you know, sort of adjacent to her passion to pay bills. But she, you know, she's she's a true artist. And that example was set for me. So I never felt I mean, I did. Society told me I should feel bad when I was a waitress and not acting and not working, but. But my home never made me feel bad about that. There was never like, well, give up this dream. It was like, No, do what you want and probably be poor for the rest of your life. And that's okay because money is not the ultimate goal.

 

Grace Wow, I'm really moved by that actually, because I do feel like so many of us who make our living doing art or whatever, it's the exact opposite. Like there's not only society telling you that your parents are just like you.

 

Amy Passion won't pay the bills.

 

Grace You can't eat them peoms girl. So you got to have to figure it out. So I really think that that is a beautiful way. And so many times, even as professional artists, we judge the quality of our work by how successful it is monetarily. But I think that's a great lesson for people to to realize and to take is just that success doesn't always mean monetary success. Sometimes there's something beautiful to get just by the act of doing the thing.

 

Aya Cash In fact, money can sometimes pervert the experience in some way. Like when this becomes your job again, it's such a gift and it's so incredible. But it does something different than the the, you know, it it it becomes a job. And the reason that most of us got into this, you know, into any art was not necessarily because we were like, this is how I want to make my money. It's because we were excited about the thing and just purely for the joy of it. Now, that said, somebody said to me recently, we act for free, we get paid to do press. And I said, I do not act for free. I am 30. I mean, yes, I act for free and I audition and I do readings. But yeah, like.

 

Amy As a general.

 

Aya Cash Actually, if it's my job. I would like to be paid for it. So I think artists get the other side of that of like, you should do it for free, which I don't agree with. But, but there is something pure about, about doing something because you love it and not because it's, it's a part of the career.

 

Amy Yeah. And remembering that like North Star, it's hard. Like you said once. Yeah. Being like, oh, I should be doing this. I should take this job, I should think about this, I should have this meeting or whatever. And then it's sort of like, Whoa, wait, why? Trying to remind yourself, why am I doing this again? And sometimes you do sort of I personally kind of lose my compass every now and then and have to remind myself, wait, no. These are the things. That you really care about. These are the things you want to focus on.

 

Aya Cash You can get caught. You know, it's it's interesting. I feel like I, I was thinking about how ill suited I am for this podcast in some ways, because I can be very suspicious of, of positivity in a certain way. Like, you can get caught in a gratitude trap that makes you not allowed to feel your feelings or. And because I grew up in San Francisco, sort of around that culture and sort of just crystals and sh--, which, by the way, I was having a bad day and my friend Mikayla gave me some crystals and I was like, I will take this crystals. I'm much more open to it now. But I also am I get you know, I get sort of nervous about the the the negative aspects that I've experienced around like wellness culture sometimes. And I but I also feel like as I get older, I'm I'm a lot more open to all of it because like, whatever works, we all just want to like be happy and whatever that is, whether that's God, whether that's self-help, whether that's the artist's way. Like it feels like, you know, why, judge that the judgment was is sort of an old remnant of somebody inside me that I don't really need anymore.

 

Amy I love that you said that because I truly think that like, yeah, I get suspicious of I'm from the South Bible Belt and people who I can think they can pray themselves happy. And I am sort of like, well, it's a practice, you know, it's like the things that you do to practice happiness are so important in practice. Well, but if you don't acknowledge the dark, it comes back. So I think, yeah, so much of even why we started this was because we're like, we feel like we're almost being like covered by everything happening in the world and it's like it's less that, oh, I think an antidote will make me feel good forever. It's more like it'll make me feel good for just one little hour. And then I'll go back to remembering the world is sh--. But yeah, I feel you. I am someone who historically is suspicious of happiness too. And I love that you said that. It just really spoke to me.

 

Grace Well, I have a question. So Amy talked a little bit about how your mom's poem really, really affected her and she really loved it. Do you have a piece of art in your life that you remember? Either a book, a play, a show, fine art that has had some sort of impact on your life?

 

Aya Cash You know, I. I want to come up with some sort of, like, interesting, cool answer. But the truth is the truth is that the artist's way helped me so much and continues to help me. And I am, I, I, I do not believe in God. And she uses the word God a lot. And I found that really hard as we as I worked through the book and she's like, just replace it with something else. I was like, That's a pretty strong word to replace. But, you know, you can. But I find her workbook just, like, wildly helpful. And I do morning pages every day still and and get still. Yeah.

 

Grace That's so great. I also love the artist way and I tried to do the other books that she has, but I don't. I didn't have as much success. Yeah, but that's so cool that you still do artist pages every day.

 

Aya Cash Yeah. And it's great too when you're not working and feeling like, oh I, I didn't, you know, I'm not an artist at this moment because it just sort of gives you permission and I've given it to a lot of people. So I would say that that's, you know, that and like real key letters to a young poet kind of sh-- from college that like, I think those things enter your life at a certain stage of life too. So when I was first encountering those kinds of books, I, it really like blew my mind open in that way that I wish I could let my mind be blown a little more as I get older and I and I hope to find more things that blow my mind the way those books did when I was younger.

 

Amy Yes. Do you have anything coming up you want to tell us about anything you'd like to plug? You can even be something you just love, not something that you're created.

 

Aya Cash I'd like to plug the. The cup of coffee I'm going to make tomorrow. I'm going to, like, take my time with that. It's pour over, grind my own beans, sip it slowly. I feel like that's what's coming up next for me.

 

Amy I love that for you. I will be enjoying coffee on the West Coast in your honor. Now, your Instagram says you're no longer here, so where can people find you nowadays on the Internet?

 

Aya Cash You can. You can. Find me on Instagram and I will pop in occasionally. I took about an eight month break and it was great and so I'm probably going to do it again, but I'm on, you know, I got to promote some sh-- so it's maybeayacash. My ambivalences right there in my handle.

 

Amy This has been great.

 

Grace Yes. Thank you so much for dropping by and dropping some knowledge on us today.

 

Amy Thanks so much. Bye.

 

Grace Okay to close us out. We're doing our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity. So here's this week's quote To practice any art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, so do it. That's by Kurt Vonnegut. I'll say it one more time to practice any art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow. So do it. And that, again, is by Kurt Vonnegut. What does that make you think, Amy?

 

Amy I love it. Yes, it makes me think, yes, you should practice whatever art you can touch, like even if you're bad at it. So do it. I love that it makes your soul grow. I completely agree. And, you know, I'm going to personalize it a little bit in that in our like, you know, writing was a creative thing that we used to do for fun. Like even thinking of our guest today, I was talking about monetizing your creativity and how that can actually kind of turn it into a job. And I actually the more I grow in my career, the more I seek new ways to be creative. So not because writing doesn't make my soul grow anymore, but because there's a price attached to it. There's like a there's like a like it sounds bad, but, like, I don't know how to say it in a non bad way, but a burden attached to writing sometimes because I have to do it for work and it still makes me grow, it still makes my soul grow. But I look for other things like my flower arranging, going to museums, taking long drives, taking photographs, directing. Like there are all these other things that I do. So all of that are things that like there are times where I'm like, Oh, I don't have time to do this. I got it right. And then I'm sort of like, No, go to that museum girl, because it's going to help your writing go like mess around with and Flowers is going to help your writing and all of it does so. I love that, Mr. Vonnegut. I will go do it. What does it make you think, Grace?

 

Grace Well, it actually makes me think of the artistic things I don't do anymore like I used to. Yeah, honestly, it does. I used to dance, and I used to take voice lessons. I used to do a lot more acting. I used to be part of a sketch group. I used to do improv. So in the pursuit of being a creative person as a career, I will admit that sometimes I feel the need to be good at creative things, or it feels embarrassing and that's stupid and I don't know why. It's kind of like sometimes I'm like, Master that sh-- or What's the point? Which is a real dumb point of view to have. Like, for example, singing brings me joy. So even though I'm not Jazmine Sullivan, I can carry a tune, but I stop because I'm like, Oh, what if someone in Hollywood sees me doing it and it's like, Oh, bitch, this bitch thinks she's summer walker. I'm like, You know what I'm saying? So, you know, first of all, nobody's even thinking about me like that and how it's not coming to wherever I would be singing.

 

Amy No. Shower. No

 

Grace So I was just saying and acting is sort of the same for me. It's kind of like unless I'm Viola Davis, why I do it. So that is a point of view that I'm really trying to shake free of that, because art makes your soul grow. Do it because you enjoy a bitch like you don't have to master it. You know, dance because you love it. You don't be having to hit the Corio like Blue Ivy, young icon. You know, you do it. Does it make you smile, Grace? Does your body feel good doing?

 

Amy I, I that's just made me think of all the things you said you used to do. I also used to do, apart from acting everything else, like dancing, singing, all of it, improv. And I don't anymore. But I took a ballet class. I used to be really hardcore. I was like, I will be the first black ballerina at the NBA. And then like Misty Copeland came along and I stole all that sh--. And also, like, I was not good. I also was not good.

 

Grace Hot take. Amy is mad at Misty Copeland.

 

Amy I was pretty trash. I was not that good. I just really liked ballet. But I don't do it anymore because in that same vein as you, I was like, Well, if you can't be great at it, why do it? But I did take an adult ballet class that was offered at the gym down the street for me, and I took this ballet class one day, and when I tell you it, I went and I was scared. I was going to feel bad because I've taken some ballet classes as an adult that make me feel like sh-- because I'm like, Wow, I have no flexibility, blah, blah, blah, all the things. But for some reason I think because everyone in the class was kind of bad, it was so fine. And I like had the biggest smile on my face the whole time. There's a moment we were doing some move and I caught eyes with someone in the class and the guy is another guy in the class and he like looked and we caught eyes like an embarrassment because we both. Messed up, and he kind of like gave this little shrug and started laughing. And I started laughing and I was like, This is incredible. Like, why am I not been dancing this whole time? Because I'm not an expert. You don't bitch. Get in the studio. This is so fun. So I didn't think of it the way that you said it. When I first heard the quote. But it is making me realize that, like, if you like it, do it. We should all be singing and dancing just.

 

Grace 1,000%. We should all be doing it. Well, thank you, Mr. Vonnegut. You actually gave us some real great advice.

 

Amy Some good advice. Never would have expected that from a white man.

 

Grace Amy. Well, thanks for listening to the antidote. We have injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?

 

Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.

 

Grace And in the meantime, if you like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace. At Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.

 

Amy And follow me. Amy at AmyAniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. And I hope by and follow the show at theeantidotepod.

 

Grace That's thee with two E's.

 

Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe and read us five stars at Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. The antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. It's produced by Jenna Hanchard and our associate producer is Taylor Polydore.

 

Grace Our executive producer is Erica Kraus and our editor is EriKa Janik. Sound Mixing by Evan Clark.

 

Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT the Artist and Cosmo the Truth.

 

Grace APM Studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.

 

Amy Send us your antidotes. An antidote show that org and remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod that's thee with two E's.

 

Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.

 

Amy Bye bye.