House Parties with Sam Jay

Sam Jay The Antidote

House Parties with Sam Jay

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with comedian and actress Sam Jay about the grown way to drink tequila, quick visits back home, and organizing the sweetest proposal for her fiancée. 

Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week: Black doctors facing discrimination at hospitals and no sign of relief for inflation! Amy and Grace also share their antidotes for the week, which include watching Girls5eva and savoring pesto pasta!

This week’s Creative Tap-In: 

“I cannot expect even my own art to provide all of the answers, only to hope it keeps asking the right questions.” -Grace Hartigan

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FULL TRANSCRIPT

Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy.

Grace And I'm Grace.

Amy And we want to help. And fair warning. Our help comes with some strong language attached. So, you know, like cocomelon them kids, you know, turn up the volume on Cocomelon and you step into another room because we've about to say some things.

Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news. We're keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated.

Amy We talk about cultural moments we love.

Grace Talk to people we adore.

Amy Crushes we have, and.

Grace Self-Care we stand.

Amy During these trying times, we all need a show that focuses on joy.

Grace This is The Antidote. Hi, everybody. Here comes another episode. So here we come again. Once again. A new week. New episode.

Amy New thing to make me mad online. I'm a little annoyed at online shopping, to be honest. I just went back to a store I hadn't really shopped at in a few years, and my sizes are not my sizes anymore. Some things arrived and I'm sending them back.

Grace Yeah, that's the thing about online shopping. It's so convenient because you're just like, Oh, I'm just on my couch. I can look through all of these sweaters and dresses, but then, you know, you just have to have faith that it' s going to fit. And if it doesn't, I keep so many things that do not fit me because I don't want to go through the drama of taking it to the place to return it. The FedEx or the UPS. I don't feel like going, so.

Amy I literally don't shop at stores that don't have easy return policies. Like I will check the return policy on a store and if it's like it costs 4.95 to return this and it must go to UPS, I'm like, Oh, I guess you don't want me to shop here. I'm literally unless it comes in a box and I can put tape right back on that box and push it out the door. I don't even shop there because I'm like, not worth it. I need convenience of all forms.

Grace No, I totally get it. It's I'm not proud of it, but it's the truth. It's my truth. So, Amy, we can't have an antidote if you don't have something to get an antidote from.

Amy You Right.  So starting now, up top with our bummer news of the week.

Grace Okay.

Amy First thing, guys, I mean, you heard these black doctors facing discrimination. This isn't new news, to be honest. But this particular story really made me upset. There's a 39 year old doctor, black doctor named Doctor Dare Adewumi. And if you know anything about me, you know that I love that name because that is Nigerian, who is a doctor in Atlanta. He filed a federal lawsuit against Wellstar medical group and Wellstar health systems alleging employment discrimination based on race. He filed the lawsuit because he was fired from Wellstar Cobb Hospital in Austell, Georgia, which is in an Atlanta area hospital where he led the neurosurgery practice. And the part that's frustrating is he filed this lawsuit and then all of these other black doctors in the area started coming out and sharing their own stories of completely random discrimination. He said in a quote, "I've worked so hard, done so much to get to this level, and all I really wanted to do was help sick people. And here I was having this taken away from me for no reason other than my skin color" end quote. And I know he worked hard because this man is Nigerian and Nigerians work hard at everything. So I am particularly mad because they wronged my cousin, but I'm also mad because this is always the case with black doctors and black people in high end fields and high, you know, living in spaces of whiteness. The scrutiny is so high, it's unfair.

Grace Yeah. I mean, this is this is terrible. I hate that this happened 1,000%. I hate that this happened and I believe it. I mean, that is a real bummer that this guy was so discriminated against that he needed to file a lawsuit. So I believe that this happened. So I'm really sorry. And I hope he wins his coins because he deserves.

Amy Yeah, well, the bummer news doesn't stop there. Have you noticed that sh--'s real expensive lately.

Grace Amy? I have noticed.

Amy Well, that's my second piece of bummer news. According to CNN Business and my bank account, inflation rates have been increasing since August 2021. In fact, the Consumer Price Index rose 8.5% for the year ending in March. And that's a rate that we haven't seen since December of 1981. Yeah, and just to put that in perspective, that means we're seeing these rising gas prices, rising food prices, and Americans literally, there's no there's no sign of relief in sight.

Grace Yeah. Well, yeah, I have noticed this. I went to the gas station and I remember, you know, when I was driving a lot, when I was, you know, working on Insecure, I remember a half a tank used to be like, I don't know, like 25 to $30 girl. Half a tank cost me $75. And I was just like, Oh, whoa. I was like, okay.

Grace They really telling the truth about this inflation thing.

Grace  You know, what I'm saying this is this is the bullsh-- that's too much money to pay on gas for not even a whole tank.

Amy People are comparing it to the inflationary period after World War Two, and they're saying that like basically back then there were all these issues with decline on supply chains and and there's all this pent up demand because there has been such attacks on the supply chains. And that's what we're going through. Just like we talked about a couple of weeks ago, with the shortage of baby formula like that is that it's all because supply chain issues are happening as a result of the pandemic, and that is leading to inflation and the pandemic still here. And so I am panicked about the future of America.

Grace You know, the sad thing about this is that the Federal Reserve has given very little guidance in general on how long they predict it will take for interest hikes to lower. And so it's kind of like, oh, just hold on. How long? We don't know.

 

Amy Anyway, how are you feeling right now, Grace?

 

Grace Well, I do feel like there's a little brain cloud, you know, and in cartoons, when they have that little rain cloud right over your head, yeah, it's just raining just on you. That's kind of how I feel now after hearing all that bad news. How about you, Amy?

 

Amy Oh, no, I'm pretty much the same. So how about we get into the antidote to feel better?

 

Grace Yeah, let's get into the antidote.

 

Amy So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. So Grace, what was your antidote this week?

 

Grace So my antidote is just a really fun, funny, sweet show that's actually written by a friend of mine. Oh, really? I know. Yeah, from. I know. From Kimmy Schmidt. It's. It's called Girls5Eva, and I love it, you know, it's, you know, executive produced by Tina Fey as well as Meredith Scardino, who is the creator of the show. And it's starring Reneé Goldsberry, I think is her name Renee Elise Goldsberry, Busy Philipps, Paula Pell and Sarah Baraeilles. And it's about like old girl group from the nineties and they're kind of reuniting to, yeah, you know, start creating new music again. And it is just hard funny because you know, me and Amy talk about all the time that, you know, comedy right now is always kind of dark. Like there's a lot of dramedies that sort of sort of market themselves as comedies. And, you know, I love a lot of those shows. You know, as well, like but every so often I would I will go back to Frasier, I'll go back to The Office, I'll go back to to A Different World or Living Single, because sometimes you just want to laugh and you don't want to like think about like the growth of this character or whatever. Like, you know, you just want to like have a hard comedy with lots of jokes that's light and airy and beautiful. And that's what Girls5Eva is. I mean, obviously they are well-drawn, complex characters as well, but it's just like hard, funny. You laugh so much. The music is amazing. It's by Jeff Richmond, who did the music for 30 Rock and stuff like that as well. And I just they figured out a way to keep this going in season two to keep it as funny and fresh as it was for season one. So literally, I rushed to my TV as soon as I realized that that it had dropped and I like watched one before work and I was like, work starts at 9 a.m. and I was like watching it at like seven am.

 

Amy I love that.

 

Grace With my Kashi cereal.

 

Amy I'm not going to lie. I sometimes I do that I wake up before work and I watch something in the morning. It feels so good. It feels like you're being bad like, ooh, Saturday.

 

Grace Yes. It's like, ooh, I should be saving this for later, but I'm just hitting it right out of the park. And so I ate my Kashi and I ate and I watched it and I laughed so much. And it just brought me such joy because I'm so proud of my friends for like creating a show that I love so much. And a lot of my friends actually worked on it as well. And my friends are writers like Lauren Gurganus, Azie Dungey, you know, Matt Whitaker. So it's just such a joy to watch. So I would really like hard recommend if you're just looking for something to, to watch, it's on Peacock and just, just watch my friends' show. It's so funny and I promise you'll laugh and I'll be worth it. So loving Girls5Eva really made me smile this week. How about your antidote, Amy?

 

Amy Well, your antidote was about watching television. And my antidote was about foods you eat while you watch television like pasta. And my antidote was what goes on pasta, which is pesto. And I'll tell you why. Pesto is my antidote. I'm not a big pasta eater. I just like eating pasta. If I'm, like, hungry, 20 minutes later, it feels like I'm eating air. Don't know why. I think it's because I'm vegetarian and I don't get I can't eat pasta with meat in it. And it's rare that you go to a restaurant. It's like shrimp. It's like three little shrimp and it's like salmon pasta isn't a thing that's happening every day. So I just don't have a lot to say about pasta. Like, how many times do you eat spaghetti? But I went out to eat with my co-host here and I was like, I really love pesto and I just don't have it often. Also, adding to the things that make it annoying to eat with me, I'm also lactose intolerant. And so most of the time pesto is made with dairy, so I avoid it. But every now and then you catch a restaurant who does it right. And we went to this restaurant and they had a dairy free Marcona almond pesto. And I was like, I'm getting it, son. And not only was it spaghetti with this pesto and a poached egg on top.

 

Grace I remember the poached egg.

 

Amy And the spaghetti noodles were all thick, they were thick. And I was like, What kind of spaghetti is this? It could barely even stand on the fork. And it was just like dripping in pesto.

 

Grace Yeah. I love a thick spaghetti, you know? I like the thickness in many forms.

 

Amy But I really like a thick spaghetti and I really like pesto and I really like pasta with an egg in it. And I was like, this is so fancy and delicious. And I, I was like, I am savoring this. I was really, really hungry when we got to dinner. But I have pesto so rarely because it's never dairy free that I was like, Oh, it's rarely dairy free. Places do it. But I was like, I'm going to savor this and savor every bite and enjoy it because this is a moment that doesn't happen often. And it's so funny to think of just like a meal at a restaurant, spaghetti as a moment to have like an antidote or to savor. But it really did feel special because it's something that I ordinarily I see pasta on a menu and I'm like, not for me, like I'm just going to be hungry in 10 minutes. Yeah. And this was a time where I was full afterwards and I was happy and I got to taste something really delicious and I got to be with my friend. And I was like, This is my antidote. Getting to have a leisurely, beautiful, sumptuous, delicious dinner with a dear friend and enjoy some pesto.

 

Grace I love that. I'm glad that I'm part of your antidote this week. It's yeah, it was a really lovely meal and it was like we were sitting outside and we had like done something earlier together. And yeah, we got to see a lot of each other this weekend, which is really rare and nice. So, yeah, that pesto was fire. It was really good.

 

Amy Ooh, thinking about that meal, it makes me hungry all over again. I'm going to get a snack. We'll be back after this break. Welcome back to the antidote. We have a special guest today who is a Grace?.

 

Grace Well, this Emmy nominated multi-hyphenate hails from Boston, Dorchester, specifically. The New York Times called her one of the most exciting provocateurs in comedy right now. She is a standup. She's an actor and writer who's written for shows such as Saturday Night Live and That Damn Michael Che. Her HBO show Pause is a fresh new take on the late night talk show. She's accomplished and cool as f--k and we are so excited to get to know her. Please welcome Sam Jay. Woo!

 

Sam Jay Hey. What's up? We got it all in.

 

Amy You're like, that's. That's everything, right? She's very impressive. She's very impressive. But we aren't here to talk about your many, many, many accomplishments. We're here to get zeets, so.

 

Grace Let's check in first. How are you feeling today? Like, for real? For real? Like not small talk.

 

Sam Jay Like real talk. How am I feeling? Yeah. Exhausted, but not in a bad way. Like I've been exhausted for things I hate. So it's not a bad exhaustion, but I am like, I'm tired. Seem like it's never a break long enough because you on your break, you kind of thinking about what you got to do. You know what's next. Creativity is weirdly draining in that way because it's all fueled by you and your ideas. So you're just constantly like, Whoa, I got it. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's all good stuff. And, like, I feel like I'm, like, growing as a person. I woke up today feeling very. I'm figuring it out.

 

Amy Nice. Do could you say a little bit more about that? Like figuring it out professionally, feeling- figuring it out personally.

 

Sam Jay All of it. I think the balance of it, like how I'm going to interact with all of it and come out the other side. A whole person.

 

Grace Mm hmm.

 

Amy Yeah, I love that. I love that. Well, let's keep these good vibes going. We need that right now. This show is called The Antidote because life is hard. We all need different antidotes to deal with the bullsh--. So I want to ask you, Sam, what is your antidote? In other words, what's something non-work-related that's bringing you joy this week or this month?

 

Sam Jay My friends are like Jak's in town. You know, Jak Knight is also a part of Bust Down. And one of my close friends and he's been here because we're working on Pause season two. And so I'm getting the like jam with my homies and you know, we're going to Boston to do a scout. We're shooting probably two episodes of Pause in Boston this season. And so I'm excited to go home and be like scouting my hometown for, like, my TV show. That's kind of like what? Like, what the hell? And, like, Zach, I mean, Jak's going to be there, so I get to kind of show him where I grew up and stuff. We've never, like, been to Boston together, so, like in a corny, cheesy friend way, I'm like, I'm going to show my friend my whole town at the same time that's exciting. Bust Down. We're going to do a show and a screening Saturday. So I'm I have a few things to be excited about.

 

Grace That's wonderful. And like, what is your relationship to your hometown? Like, do you feel like I don't know. I have, like, complicated feelings about my hometown. Like, I don't like there's love there, but also left for a reason. Yeah, I left for a reason.

 

Sam Jay I mean, I think that's like the deal with hometowns, you know? Mm hmm. But I love Boston. My family still there. When I go home, it feels like home, but it's hometown sh--. Two days, and I'm like, I did enough. I got it. I'm ready to go.

 

Amy Wait, what's your max number? Is it really two days?

 

Sam Jay Like two, three days? Oh.

 

Grace Yours is lower than mine.

 

Amy I love you all so much.

 

Grace Yeah. For me, it's a week. This week is like. I'm like, once I've been there a week, I'm just like, get me back to the coast.

 

Amy But I love that you're so close to, like, old friends. And I always feel like part of what becomes an antidote over time are the people who knew you when. And especially like since so many of your friends are comics, you guys are all coming up together and doing the same things. But they also knew you when. So knowing a few of where the bodies are buried.

 

Sam Jay Yeah, for sure. I mean, I've known Jak, sh--, maybe six, six years now since I started. So, like, he knows, like, when I was broke as sh-- insecure in service that wasn't going to work out. And just those days. And I was like, where? I don't know what I'm going to do. You know what I mean? I think that's what it is. The longer you live, the more you have, like all these these different, like, factions of your life.

 

Amy When I was growing up, I, I've had so many nicknames and that's how, you know, when people knew me as what they call me, like in college, I was Amy Jay. And after I left school, I was Amy Amy, like double Amy and now I'm just Amy. And like, when you encounter people from the past, then you're like having to be like, Oh, yeah, don't call me that. That's not my nickname here. Well, speaking of being broke for a while, I loved the financial episode of Pause "Money An American Way". I watched that three times. I just wanted to absorb it because, like, there's such a I don't know, it's so hard to feel in any way financially unburdened or financially free. And I felt like you explore that so well, even with the people you talk to. And I wonder, has taking control of your finances been an antidote for you in these wild times you feel like you're in control or not? Does it ever come?

 

Sam Jay I'm still I'm still buying too much sh-- and I'm so.

 

Grace I can relate.

 

Sam Jay Still buying too much  stuff and working on it, you know what I mean? I'm. I'm trying to get my sh-- together. Let me just say that.

 

Grace Yeah. I mean, I have a luxury problem that I developed during the pandemic. I started watching all these YouTube girls like, tell me about what Gucci is coming out next and then I go and buy it.

 

Sam Jay I like stuff. It's a problem. We're actually exploring it in this Pause season two. There's like a episode we're doing around addiction. And I'm talking about my- I like stuff.

 

Grace Yeah, well, I need to watch that one in particular. I have that same affliction.

 

Sam Jay Yeah. It's bad.

 

Amy Well, another thing I love about your show is like the fact that you feature house parties each episode. And like I, part of why I loved watching it was because it came out during the pandemic, and house parties were like a relic of the past. And I'm like, watching your show and like the first episode, I almost too much information, but I literally almost cried cause I was just like, Oh, these people. And I was just like, What? Are you someone who hosts the party? Do you like hosting a party? Does it bring you stress or does it make you relax?

 

Sam Jay No. Yeah. Part of the reason that concept came about is because I'm a party person and people are always coming over all the time. And I was just trying to get it closer to feeling like me and not contrived and I'm always drunk in my house screaming at somebody about something at the time, you know? So I was like, Oh, that might be a good setup for this. So like, you know, these ideas to come through. And also I just think that that's what people do. You know, you especially when you're like in your thirties, you're not doing a lot of like the douche clubbing and you're like hanging out in your crib arguing over some bullsh-- till it's 2 a.m. because you won't let a point go and like it just, I think, allows for real dialogue to happen because the stakes are very low. I feel like when you're at a desk doing the standard desk show, you're now in an authority already, and so you have to be correct. It was something that me and Princess talked about a lot and I was like, I just don't want to have to be right, you know? I want to have room to make mistakes in this show. I want to have room to grow in this show. I want to you know, and I think we're doing more of that this season where I can go out in the world because of the less COVID rules we can really get out in the world this time. You know, just learning things through these interviews where I come out on the other end going, Oh, maybe I think differently now based on these experiences. And I wanted to give myself space for that. And a desk just doesn't seem to allow that type of personal growth to happen. And so the party stakes are so low that people feel comfortable saying what they think. Because we're all saying what we think. And then on top of that, it gives room for error and not having the cleanest opinion.

 

Amy Yeah, it feels more like a conversation rather than an interview.

 

Grace Yeah, yeah. And, and it feels super black because I feel like the way that the looseness of the way you talk to people, it just felt it just made me miss like, just like Amy was saying. Just made me miss just those. Those late night parties where you aren't censoring yourself. Quote, unquote, mixed company. So you feel like it's all small talk. And that's what I really love about, you know, those parts of the show.

 

Sam Jay Thank you so much.

 

Amy But when you are drunk in your house, what's your drink of choice?

 

Sam Jay Oh, I drink tequila. I'm a tequila girl.

 

Grace Oh, my God.

 

Amy Wait. Tequila and what? Just straight.

 

Sam Jay Sometimes. Just on the rocks with an orange. Most of the time just on the rocks with an orange. Wow. I'm a grown up. I'm a grown up right now. I've got a little OJ in it because my girl made it. But usually just little orange.

 

Grace Tequila gives me a headache. Like tequila. Like tequila Grace is a Grace that you don't necessarily want to meet right now.

 

Amy She a lot of fun. She a lot of fun.

 

Grace Oh, when we when me and Amy went to Mexico, we did a tequila tasting. It was great. We learned a lot about mezcal and all the different.

 

Sam Jay Yeah, we did that to me and my fiancee - I just got engaged. We did that.

 

Amy Oh, congratulations. You heard it here first. No, I'm joking. Exclusive.

 

Grace Do you have, like, an engagement story that you would be willing to share?

 

Sam Jay An engagement- Okay. Yeah.

 

Amy I love love.

 

Sam Jay Oh, well, I proposed on my birthday. So my birthday party was a good way to mask an engagement situation and a good way to get her friends in town and stuff.

 

Amy And to pressure her to say yes because that would have sucked.

 

Sam Jay And it's like "it's my birthday." Yeah. Good way to get her friends in town. But I'd be like, what are these people doing here? But like, everyone's is here for a party. And I do like a really big 40th birthday party and got everybody together. Her best friend was actually moving to Japan. She's- she's a military wife, so they were moving off to Japan. So I wanted to do it before her best friend loved it. I knew it'd be really important for her to have her there. When I got of course we got the ring and all that. I had already picked all that out and then I got a saxophonist to come in and play Caught Up in the Rapture by Anita Baker. Kenny? Not Kenny G, but also they gave me sh--. But it was not Kenny G, but I got oh yeah, sax was supposed to play Caught Up in the Rapture, which we kind of fell in love to Anita Baker. Like we had- the night we had sex. The next morning she was playing Anita Baker and I was like, I f---ing love Anita Baker. We just like listened to Anita Baker all day and like laid around the bed and talked and stuff. So it's like kind of one of the songs that brings back all those, like good old memories of how we met. And she was drunk and high because it was a party, so she didn't know what was going on. So as I was like saying stuff and also I was trying to create an intimate moment within a public moment. Yeah, yeah. Like the saxophonist was playing like I'm talking in her ear because the things I needed to say to her were personal and not for everyone to hear.

 

Amy And she's like, "What!".

 

Sam Jay She's just like, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh. Like "Get to the point, bitch," because she thinks I'm in one of my- sometimes I get drunk and I rant. I do I get drunk, I, I corner her and I hit her with these heavy rants of like, this is what we need to be doing, you know what I mean? So I was hitting her with one of these. She wanted to go dance, so she was like, uh Huh? And then finally she realized, like, there's a saxophonist is like, next to you and like, a moment is happening. And then she just started crying and the uh huh's got more and more like high pitched because she was bawling. And then I dropped the knee like, like old school g, you know, love it, you know? And there was a ninja turtle there because.

 

Amy Please explain.

 

Sam Jay I had a nineties themed party and I'm, as you know, I'm a giant child. And so you're going.

 

Amy To be like, it was New York.

 

Grace So it was it. DONATELLO That's my favorite.

 

Sam Jay No, no, no, no, no, no. Because it  was a party and because it was a nice theme party. I wanted the Ninja Turtle to pass out pizza so I got Michelangelo. He's the party, dude. And so Michelangelo was there to hand out pizza. And the photo, the most famous photo that all our friends shared of the engagement is me down on one knee with me like this, with Michelangelo standing on the side. Like this.

 

Grace I love so much.

 

Amy That is. Wow, you do throw a good party. First of all, that is incredible.

 

Grace The way you thought everything through.

 

Grace You know what I'm saying? That that.

 

Grace That the Ninja.

 

Grace Turtle is is doing pizza because Ninja Turtles love pizza. It's a nineties themed party. You had the saxophonist there. Oh, my God. It sounds like-

 

Sam Jay  Yea, it was nice. She was dressed as like Lil Kim when she had the Chanel. Yes.

 

Amy Oh yeah down to the strips. 

 

Sam Jay And I was just like Fresh Prince with the inside out blazer.

 

Grace Oh, I love that so much.

 

Sam Jay We came in like Puffy and bass and we had on shiny suits and more money, more problems, and then we took them off.

 

Grace And then I'm going to be going to request if me and Amy are ever in New York when you're having a party, we would love to come.

 

Amy One Time. One time. You could be like, this is going to be a small one. I'll invite them so they don't embarrass me and we'll just roll through.

 

Grace We'll just roll through.

 

Amy Just let us know what time we need to leave by.

 

Sam Jay You guys can definitely come.

 

Amy Pop in, pop out.

 

Amy The more the merrier. Sure.

 

Grace That's great.

 

Amy Are there any antidotes that you do together as a couple? Things that you do to like self-care for each other?

 

Sam Jay We like to go. We like to get high and go to the museum like she'll do an edible. I'll do that sometimes. I do shrooms. She doesn't mess with shrooms, but like we like to get high and go to museums a lot. That's our like that's one of our jams, especially when we go somewhere like out the country that's like, that's the move. Like psychedelics in the museum is fun times.

 

Grace Well what would you say is your proudest non career related accomplishment that you have?

 

Sam Jay Honestly, it is the growth that I've had in my relationship. I feel like I've really turned a corner and I'm starting to learn how to prioritize my relationship. And that was such a hard thing for me to find the balance between that career and just my own selfish wants and in, you know, just really I feel like I'm getting into this real settled place in that and really learning how to put it first. And when I do that, not thinking, Oh, I'm prioritizing my fiancee over myself, or I'm sacrificing something I want to do for something she wants to do. But it's a prioritizing of the whole relationship because the relationship is something that I want and that I want to see grow and just kind of turning that corner and and gaining that understanding and really stepping up to the plate to try to implement that has been something that I've been proud of.

 

Amy I mean, I'm assuming that took work, like getting to a place where you're like, Oh, I'm kind of f---ing up, like, and then wanting to do the work like, yeah. Was there, yeah, was there like a a moment or a turning point for you that you started realizing like, Oh, we is me?

 

Sam Jay Yeah. I mean, we had a really f---ing tough ass summer and I went through a little bit of a period where I wanted a break, you know, and I was like, I need to get out here and explore it, know the world. And it was like really hard on her because we really love each other. And we went to couples counseling through the whole thing and watching her try to still be in it and process it and be present while I was doing that. And like not just the way she sacrificed herself for the relationship because she could have just been like, N----, you're doing some wild sh--, I'm out, I'm not beat for it. Where it was like, and I don't want this, but it was like, If this is what you need, let's try this. And in that, you know, I think keeping the therapy going was a good tool to have this person kind of navigating us through whatever that. And by the end of the summer, one I was just like, I don't really want to be out here, I think I like the idea of it more than what it actually was. And I think because.

 

Grace Let me tell you, the streets are not great.

 

Sam Jay I don't like the streets.

 

Grace I'm in them. And they're not great.

 

Sam Jay I think I was just feeling controlled and I have a problem with that. And I was just feeling like she was smothering me a bit and all my choices weren't my own anymore and I needed to feel individual again. But in that, you know, and being like, I don't really like the streets and also how it was hurting her, it just made me check how much these things were really important to me and what was actually important to me and what I really wanted out of life. You know what I mean and if I want this, then I have to feed it and nurture and grow it. And I can't be selfish anymore. I think also turning 40, you just get older and your brain just stops being dumb, you know, like you start to see things and like, it just is is a thing where I do really I really love my fiancee and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. And that's just going to take work. And it's just something you have to constantly keep feeding and growing and investing in. And I don't think we really think about that at first, but it's like you've got to keep turning to the relationship and putting putting your your energy back into it to get anything good out of it.

 

Amy That's beautiful. And A like you do not look 40. So I'm glad to hear you are because I was like, that is too wise for me. And I'm like, I was like, how did this 23 year old come up with this? Now, I'm like, Oh, I see. That's why you drinking tequila.

 

Sam Jay And living grown up little.

 

Grace You being grown. And that that is meaningful to me because I literally right now am in a place where I'm still dating. But it's really hard for me to prioritize that kind of stuff in front of my career right now because like, I'm just used to the grind. So I felt like that was a word for me to like, think about what do I really want for my life? And if I want a relationship, then I need to pour into it.

 

Sam Jay You have to make room for it. Yea, it just doesn't ike nurture itself in it. And it's like there's a lot it's a lot to it. What- she's absolutely worth it because she pours back into me, you know what I mean? And with-without that balance, I don't know if these other things would feel as good or matter as much without what I have on the other side of it. So it's like they they're both very important.

 

Amy I'm assuming that your new show Bust Down doesn't tackle heavy topics like this. It's a full ass comedy. Is there anything you can share? Because comedy is a huge antidote for everybody. You know, everybody, especially during these crazy times. Is there anything you can share about the show?

 

Sam Jay I don't know. You know, it's a fun, silly ass show. When we really went for jokes, we didn't want to be important and we didn't want to do any, like, heavy lifting for the black community. We like we were thinking about Martin days and I'm not saying it's as funny as Martin. No one come f---ing yelling at me. Please.

 

Amy To be clear. Different show, different tones. 

 

Sam Jay But we were just going for that feeling of like, this is just funny for funny's sake. It is not trying to do anything else but just be silly and funny. You know, we often say and it feels a little corny, but we're just like, you know why white people and white spaces and white writers and white actors, they just get to f---ing shoot and be goofy as sh--. And it seems like any time you do something black, you got to carry the whole race to the finish line or something.

 

Grace Message with a capital M.

 

Sam Jay And I'm like, no, man, we just want to make a silly, silly, silly dodo and dick jokes and laugh a bunch. And so that's the thing that we made and I'm really, really proud of it.

 

Grace That's great. I mean, that's all we need right now. I mean, you know, you need to laugh when sh-- in the world is going.

 

Sam Jay That's what we're going for. We're just going for hard hitting jokes, man. And and and the yuk yuks.

 

Grace Well, obviously we want to plug Bust Down or whatever, but is there anything else that you would like to plug? It can even be something that you love that someone else does.

 

Sam Jay Oh, man. Wow. I mean, there's just so much dope stuff out in the world right now. Like, I just say, like, support, good art. Keep going to comedy clubs. No, seriously, that's how we get to a space to make a show, you know, is like some of this stuff gets worked out on stage and some of that growth that you need to be able to stand in front of a camera, you figure out in front of a live audience. So just like supporting live arts is like super huge and important. And I would just encourage people to do that because it's fun things that I have coming up. I mean, the most important thing really is Bust Down on March 10th on Peacock TV. It is like a project, a like a passion project, a thing I made with my best friends. And I really got to watch them grow. Like, grind and shine and, like, grow. And it was just, like, a really beautiful thing to make and watch. And we hope people really dig it and laugh a whole lot. Watch Abbott Elementary because I love Quinta and that's the homie.

 

Amy Yes,.

 

Grace Yes, we are big fans here of Abbott Elementary.

 

Sam Jay You know, just get out there and watch the sh-- that's good.

 

Amy And Sam, where can people find you on the Internets?

 

Sam Jay I don't want you people finding me on the Internets. No, you can find me at SamJayComic on any- Instagram or Twitter - it's both SamJayComic.

 

Amy I love that you're just like, No.

 

Grace No, please don't. In fact, don't at me. Please.

 

Sam Jay Please don't. I really don't. I hate it.

 

Grace Thank you so much, Sam. This was delightful.

 

Sam Jay It was great. Thank you, guys.

 

Amy Yes, thank you.

 

Grace Okay. Now we're going to do our creative tap in, in which we tip to tip in to our creativity. Amy and I are both writers, so being creative brings us joy. And this is a podcast about joy.

 

Amy So Grace is going to surprise me with a quote about creativity, and I'm going to let her know what it makes me think.

 

Grace Here we go. "I cannot expect even my own art to provide all of the answers, only to hope it keeps asking the right questions." That is by Grace Hartigan. I'll read it one more time. "I cannot expect even my own art to provide all of the answers, only to hope it keeps asking the right questions." -Grace Hartigan

 

Amy I had a professor in college who said art and entertainment is the only medium through which culture gets to have a conversation with itself. He used to say that because it's like we're watching it in real time as we're living. And it's it's like people from our time doing a thing before our eyes. And that's what this quote makes me think of, because it sort of makes me think that you engage with art, with character, with story, because you're trying to figure out or trying to assess or examine something about the human condition. Not because you know it, like I can know where a character is from or like what they're doing in a scene. But the idea of character. I feel the best characters are close to people and people are evolving. And they're never set. They're never fixed. They're on a journey. That's why we talk about the character's journey. So to me that I think the quote makes me think of that like we're engaging in a conversation with ourselves or with our heart, as the quote says. And then it's not about answering, it's about having a conversation. So maybe even though she says asking questions, for me, I almost think it's like learning, having a conversation. Yeah. What do you think?

 

Grace That's great. I guess what it made me think of is the fact that I thought that I would get to a point in my artistic life where I did it right. If that makes sense. So constantly, you know, as artists, you're striving to reach the highest level of achievement in whatever art that you choose. And so if you're trying to reach the highest level of achievement in whatever art that you choose, you think that there's a right way to do it and there's a wrong way to do it. And this script is either right or it's wrong. It's either bad or it's good. But as I've gotten further into this path of being a writer, being a creative, I have learned. I've learned that it's sometimes it's not being right or being wrong or this is bad or this is good. It's almost a step on the way to getting to your highest artistic expression. So yeah, sometimes though, you had to write those bad scripts or those bad jokes or you know, you had to go through that in order to get over to the other side. So it's not about a piece of work being right or wrong. It's asking the question of, okay, like in this particular piece of art, what are you learning? What are- how is it getting closer to the ideal thing that you want to make rather than judging it so harshly? Which is what I definitely used to do. So every time I write a movie or I would do something, I'd be like, Oh, is this achieving what these like artists that I look up to have achieved? And I used to judge myself against that. So now I don't do that anymore. I was just like, What is the best version of Grace and Grace's work that I can achieve? Which is growth. But at the same time, sometimes I still I'm just like, Is this right? And Is that wrong? And the only way to judge right or wrong is comparing it to something. So I'm still at some point comparing it somehow to other people's work. So this is just kind of like a reminder. Like, bring it back to you, girl. And like, what did you learn through creating this script? Or this character, or this podcast, like, what did you learn that's bringing it closer to your best self? Because that's really all you can do. That's really all you could achieve.

 

Amy Yeah, I feel you. I think that that sounds really relatable. Good quote.

 

Grace Okay. Thanks for listening to The Antidote. We hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?

 

Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.

 

Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace. At GracyAct. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.

 

Amy And follow me Amy at AmyAniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. And follow the show at theeantidotepod.

 

Grace That's "thee" with two E's.

 

Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe and rate us five stars at Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

 

Grace Goodbye.

 

Amy And support some live art. The Antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. It's produced by Jenna Hanchard and our associate producer is Taylor Polydore.

 

Grace Our executive producer is Erica Kraus and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Alex Simpson.

 

Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT The Artist and Cosmo The Truth.

 

Grace APM Studio Executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert, and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.

 

Amy Send us your antidotes at Antidote Show.org and remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's "thee" with two E's.

 

Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.

 

Amy That's right.