Non-Negotiables with Tefi

Tefi The Antidote

Non-Negotiables with Tefi

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with Tik Tok’s best friend Tefi, to discuss enjoying friends around the dinner table, releasing negative energy, and the power of a healthy reframe.

Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week: FINA, the world governing body for swimming, bans transgender women from women’s events, and New York ruled that Happy the Elephant cannot be released to a sanctuary, and must remain at the Bronx Zoo.

Amy and Grace also share their antidotes for the week, which include going to a sauna, and pilates.

This week’s Creative Tap-In: 

“Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.” - Dorothy Parker


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Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. 

Grace And I'm Grace.

Amy And we want to help. And fair warning. Our help comes with some strong language attached. So if you don't know me by now, turn this podcast off because we're going to say some things.

Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news. We're keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated.

Amy We talk about cultural moments we love.

Grace Talk to people we adore.

Amy Crushes we have.

Grace And self-care we stand.

Amy During these trying times. We all need a show that focuses on joy.

Grace Don't we know, this is The Antidote. Hi, everybody. Welcome to another week. And it is been a week.

Amy Oh.

Grace It has been a 2022. You know what I'm saying?

Amy It has been a 2022. I really hope y'all are like on vacation somewhere, like an elongated vacation. And you haven't come back from your 4th of July activities and you're still, like, on a beach somewhere enjoying life.

Grace Yeah, we wish that for you. But, you know, you got to tap into some of these simple pleasures. Like both Amy and I had the most delish vegan chocolate chip cookies the other day.

Amy Yes, we did. Oh, my gosh. They were so good because there was salt on top. There was Maldon.

Grace Yes.

Amy There was Maldon salt sprinkled on top. 

Grace Yeah. Yeah. Like, you know, the salty with the sweet, you know. And then it's also like they came out kind of warm, too, so it was like melty and, you know, the kind where you have to use like three napkins for one cookie. And they were like a good size too.

Amy They were really big. I was like, for me, sometimes a big cookie is overwhelming because I love a cookie. It is my favorite dessert above everything. But when they're too big, I'm like, I feel this pressure to eat it all in one sitting. And then I get like the sugar burn in my throat where I'm like, I had too much sweet.

Grace Oh, sugar burn? I don't even know what that is. I mean, like, my body really is like, I could take all the sugar you can give me girl like jam it in, but oh, that's interesting to know that that a cookie is your favorite. I will file that away for the future. I'm not - I do enjoy cookie, but I would say either a cobbler or a pie is my favorite.

Amy Oh, okay. I'm down with that. What I hate it when people are like. I like cake. I'm like, what? It's just, like, fluffy air, but cobblers and pies are hearty. I just. Grace, can I tell you something? This is not my antidote. But I had this inkling that this week was going to be some bullsh-- and that when I went grocery shopping a couple of days ago at Sprouts, they have like half pies.

Grace Oh, yeah.

Amy So you can buy half a pie and I bought half an apple pie. And let me tell you what I had for lunch today. Not half of half of that apple pie.

Grace You know it. All you're telling me right now is that you're a hero. Okay. Pie in the middle of a day I stand.

Amy Yes. Well, I'm like, now you made me want a cobbler. That'll be the next stop on my dessert journey. My dessert as lunch journey?

Grace Wait you didn't tell me what your favorite kind of cookie is

Amy As long- it has to be soft. I'm not a crunchy cookie person. Like, what are we trying to do? Work? While we enjoy dessert?

Grace Those are violence.

Amy Yeah. Yeah, it has to be pillow soft. I really love a molasses or a ginger. I also will do, like, a vegan chocolate chip. I'm always, like, pleasantly surprised when it's amazing, but I prefer a little spice in my cookie.

Grace Oh, I like it spicy.

Amy I like my cookies. Like I like my man. Spicy.

Grace Black?

Amy Yeah, exactly. Well, dark brown because molasses cookies, they are brown. I like my cookies like I like my men - brown covered in sugar and a little bit spicy.

Grace Oh, I could get on board with that. Well, now that we've processed our desserts, we can't have an antidote. If we don't have something to get an antidote from.

Amy Starting now, top with our bummer news of the week. First up, the world swimming body has banned transgender women from women's events. So just for some background, FINA, which is the International Olympic Committee for Swimming, decided to ban trans women from their events, and it was passed with a 71.5% approval rating. Under the policy, transgender women must show that they basically have not experienced puberty. And they said it was necessary to use sex and sex linked traits to determine eligibility criteria because of the, quote, unquote, performance gap that appears between males and females during puberty. The policy has taken effect, and I'm disgusted. I'm just mad.

Grace Yeah, it just feels like one of these anti-trans laws and policies that seem to be sweeping the world. I guess I thought we were the only ones f---ed up in the US, but I guess it's made its way everywhere.

Amy It's all over honey.

Grace Yeah. And it doesn't seem that there is a transgender woman yet that has risen to that level. So it feels like it's just in case one of these ladies make it this high, we're going to say they can't play. And it just seems so silly. And it also feels like where are transgender women supposed to compete? Right. So if they can't compete with the women and then they can't compete with the men, then where are they supposed to go? It feels like a way to like a low down way to exclude trans people from sports just in general. I mean, unless they have a transgender league, which feels like segregation. So where are these women who are wanting to compete at this level? Where are they supposed to go? They just can't compete. That feels like discrimination in its highest form. 

Amy It 100% is discrimination. And as we've discussed, when legislation gets passed to control humans from literally doing the things that bring them joy, I'm going to get upset when an athlete has decided to take on a sport as hard as swimming, as hard as anything at the Olympic level. And they actually are very good at it, no matter their gender. We as humans are equipped with a desire to compete and a desire to, even in some ways represent our countries where we're from, make ourselves feel pride in what we've accomplished. And they're not just stripping them of a chance to compete. They're also stripping them of that the pride, the feelings that make you feel joy as a human, to know that you've done something that other people can't do or might want to do, that you can inspire people. They're taking that away, too.

Grace If someone that is different than what they think the quote unquote norm is is competing in a sport. And they're just like, let me try to make as many obstacles as I can for this person because they're good. So I don't know. I feel like there are athletes that are born with certain advantages, like they have shorter muscles or, you know, there are athletes- .

Amy Well, Michael Phelps. His wingspan is crazy like his. They've done measurements. His arms are longer than the average human's. He's still allowed to swim.

Grace Yeah, that's what I'm saying. There are genetic advantages that certain athletes do have. And so I don't even know the science to know that, you know, going through male puberty gives you an advantage. But I can say that there are a lot of people born with certain hormonal or physical advantages that make them better athletes, and we don't stop them from competing because they're born with that thing. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, this this feels like it's transphobic. I don't know.

Amy It feels like it is. Yeah, but that's not the only bummer news this week. There also has been a court ruling that Happy the elephant from New York - Happy the elephant is going to remain at the Bronx Zoo because a court has ruled that she's not a human and therefore doesn't have rights to leave. Now, this story is like a little weird to me because basically there's this elephant named Happy. She was happy, ain't happy no more.

Grace She doesn't sound like it.

Amy But she was in captivity and has been in captivity since she was one year old and has been living at the Bronx Zoo for the last 45 years. There's only one other elephant at that zoo and that elephant and Happy don't get along. So there have been people trying to advocate to say, hey, can Happy either go back to an elephant sanctuary or somewhere where there are more elephants so that she can be surrounded by elephants that are like her. And the Bronx Zoo was like nah, she ain't human. She don't have the right to decide where she goes. And also these people who actually know sh-- about elephants are trying to advocate for her and they won't let them. So this is bumming me out because it also it just feels like discrimination against this poor baby elephant. Yeah, that's wild.

Grace That is wild. And I don't even know why we're still doing zoos. Like, can we can we stop doing zoos? I mean, I feel like, you know, yes, it's nice when you are a child to go to the zoo and you can see the elephants or you could see the tigers or you could see the monkeys. But I mean, it's just nice to see them. Like we're not thinking about the quality of life of these animals, like we're just going to view them as. As spectators when they have the right to be free, too. So I feel like what is the value of a zoo other than seeing an animal up close? You know, I don't I don't think it's worth it.

Amy It's a little cringe. I think zoos should go away. Even when I was a kid, the animals very often looked really sad. And I remember one time seeing a lion just running into this side of the cage, like just running into it over and over. And I was like, That lion is not okay. He don't want to be here. Yeah, I have a different feeling about sanctuaries, like where they're caring for the animal and they're around animals that are like them. But a zoo where people are just, like, taking pictures and gawking and dumb teenagers are trying to crawl inside the cage and then getting mauled. I'm just kind of like, can we. Can we stop? I'm with Grace. I want it to stop.


Grace Let Happy go.


Amy Yeah. Let Happy go. Let Happy be happy.


Grace Yeah.


Amy How do you feel after hearing all this?


Grace Well, I feel unhappy. How bout you?


Amy Feel like I'm in captivity in a cage called America.


Grace Yeah. We're all here, girl. Yeah. Okay, let's get into the antidote.


Amy So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. Tell me, Grace, please make me feel good. What was your antidote this week?


Grace A sauna. Oh, I love a sauna. And I don't. I can't even really explain it. It's just like I love sweating and I love the heat. It always just makes me feel so relaxed.


Amy Two of my least favorite things.


Grace Yeah, I like it. It feels like so relaxing and. And yummy and I. And, like, my muscles sort of melt. It's so good that I did go earlier this week, but I'm going to go again tonight because it was a really tough day


Amy What did you just, like, discover as a sauna near you or?


Grace Yeah, well, I had been to this particular location before, but I don't know, like these little reminder emails that sometimes businesses send you, like, will actually work. It's this place called Pause. And, you know, I live, you know, a couple of miles away from it. And so, like, you get your own little personal sauna and a little plunge pool. So you go in, you close the door. So you have your own little space and they have towels and they have like a little, little basket for all your belongings. And then there's a cold plunge pool and there's an infrared sauna and it's just you. And so you go in and, you know, so I wear my little bathing suit. I went in there, I sat in the sauna for I think the way they describe that you should do it with the plunge pool is that you go in the sauna for like 9 minutes, then go out and you go in the plunge pool for like 30 seconds because it is like painfully cold. So you shouldn't really stay in there longer than 3 minutes. So you go in there and then you go back into the sauna, and so you go alternate back and forth between the pool and the sauna. And it really is great because, you know, I've been doing this floor boot camp on Peloton, which is a combination of cardio and weights. And I did it the first time and it was like, oh my God, I was so sore for like three days. But what the sauna plus plunge pool combination does is that it helps with recovery because you're, like shocking your body in both directions. And also just the sauna, like the warmth of it, like stretching and stuff in the sauna can really help with recovery. But yeah, it just really woke up my body and I felt so blissed out and relaxed that I got a package. So that's the reason why I'm going back tonight. So yeah, it just brought me a lot of peace also because it's your own little room. I had like my phone, I don't put it in the sauna with me because it'd probably break the phone, but there was like a little gap in the like between the floor and the door of the sauna. So I just put on like one of my favorite podcasts. Why won't you date me with Nicole Byer.


Amy Oh my God,.


Grace Our friend. And so I like literally just sat there and laughed and listened to the podcast while I was in the sauna. So it was just like my little pod of deliciousness. And so the reason why I haven't been to the sauna is because, you know, usually it's a it's a community activity that, you know, you're usually in there with multiple people. And I'm just like, if there's anywhere where COVID could spread. Easy as f---. 


Amy It's going to be in this hot ass room where we all got fevers.


Grace Exactly. It's going to be in the hot ass room. There's no air circulating. It's literally being kept inside. It's also the reason why I haven't done hot yoga in two years, and that is my favorite kind of yoga. I love hot yoga. That's like my favorite kind. I don't know what it is about me. Maybe it's my Caribbean blood or whatever. I just really like, I don't enjoy heat as a concept, like in the weather, you know, I don't like to be super hot, but like when I choose it, like when I'm going into a sauna or a steam room, it just feels so good and relaxing. And I felt like so many endorphins. It almost felt like I was, like taking an antidepressant or like I had had like three drinks or something. It just made me feel almost like drunk with like how good my body felt after it. And of course, I'm a nerd. So I did some research on the benefits of the sauna. And it turns out like people who use sauna have lower incidences of heart problems. It helps with recovery from workouts. You have to probably sauna more than I'm willing to sauna.


Amy Yeah. I'm like, I'm not like down to sit in the heat all day. But if it actually has these health benefits.


Grace Yeah, it has really great health benefits. It's like, good for your skin. It's like, you know, we have all these toxins in our bodies. It helps, like sweat it out, like, and then it just makes me feel really good. So there's health benefits and it just really improves my mood. So I'm going to try to do at least once every other week. And, you know, I've always said that when I buy a house, I want to have a room where I can have a sauna at home. So I could do it even more than I do it. I really love it. Yeah. So that was my antidote, girl. What was yours?


Amy Well, this is about to be a bougie self-care gym slash sauna antidote minute. Because my antidote this week was a private Pilates class. I through the pandemic, I, you know, I gained the COVID 19. I got a little chunky around my middle and I hate it. I hate it not because necessarily the weight gain itself, but it represents stress to me and and it represents like not healthy eating. So I started going back to the gym earlier, late last year and then the mask mandate lifted. So I stopped doing classes because I felt really unsafe in the gym with no mask on. Like because literally at my gym it's like it's a glass box and just people just like hawking loogies out of their mouths as they're two feet away from another person, like sharing weights like the gyms are disgusting. You have to go through trials to be fit. And I don't like trying hard at anything physical. So the gym has been difficult for me lately, but one of the things I missed is I had just started taking pilates at my gym. I'd never done pilates before and all these people had told me, Oh, I think you'll like Pilates. And I used to dance when I was younger. And Pilates feels like dance conditioning, like it's stretching, but like a lot of the moves are very similar to the stretches you do when you are a dancer. And it felt very like, in a weird way, new, but also in some ways familiar to my body because of my background as a dancer. And I really was like excited to like embark on this Pilates journey and then the mask mandate lifted. But then I realized in my gym at the time did not have private instruction or anything, but they just got a private pilates instructor. And I was like, I think I'm going to splurge and do it. I think I just want to know if it feels similar, if it's fun, like what it'll feel like. To me personally, as someone who like sometimes needs someone to be looking at me specifically to like adjust my form and whatever. And it was wonderful. And my instructor is a former dancer too. And so like, she's just, she knows, like, I don't dance anymore. Like, I cannot do the splits, I cannot do a pirouette. I will fall over. But dance was my sh-- for like ten years of my life. And so this pilates instructor knows like my instinct to always point my toes and like, why I'm always turning out my feet and all these things. And and she tends to give instruction in a like kind of dancey terminology way. And it just literally makes me feel like I'm getting ready to dance again, even though girl that ain't going to happen. But it makes me feel that way. And it made me really happy and it was hard working on the reformer machine. And then there's another machine that I forgot what it's called. Maybe it's called the Cadillac, I don't know, but that's a car, but it might be called the Cadillac. Working out on these two different machines and then having someone there who's adjusting you. I was like, Oh, maybe I'm going to become a private pilates bitch. Like, it's not cheap. But also in this world, as we have learned from certain guests, we've had that things that very often people consider luxuries are things that we should enjoy and appreciate. And I was like, Oh, I think I bought a couple of packages, like, just like you did, like I did it the one time. And I bought a little six session package to be like, Okay, I'll at least do it six times and then I'll assess. So yeah, I'm really excited to keep exploring pilates and I'm glad you get to keep exploring your sauna. Yeah, love it. Well, guys, we'll be back after this break. Welcome back to The Antidote. We have a special guest today who is it, Grace?


Grace Our guest today is Tiktok's BFF, who says she was put on this earth to make everybody feel more comfortable at the dinner party. That is life. Watching her Tiktok is like having a glass of wine and kiking with your best friend. And since Amy and I love a girlfriend kiki. We're so happy to have her with us. With 1.4 million followers and counting. Her account is the go to place for pop culture gossip and relationship advice. She's the official Tiktok host for InStyle. Please welcome the heartfelt and hilarious Tefi..


Amy Oh,.


Tefi That is so nice.


Amy It's like you knew just for our listeners, because this is a podcast, so you don't know what I saw the minute that Grace said. Watching her Tiktok is like having a glass of wine. Tefi drank from a glass.


Grace Yes. We love.


Amy It was f---ing brilliant.


Grace Why don't I have wine? I should go get some.


Tefi I'm telling you, like I've had such a week. I was like. I was talking to my project manager, Shannon, and I was like 4:59, 4:59. 4:59. We're popping it. We're popping it.


Amy It is that.


Grace That's right. So it can be in the glass and ready to be consumed right at 5pm.


Amy Five on the dot.


Grace You know, five on the dot because it's a weekday. But you know what? Who cares? It's always 5:00 somewhere. As they say.


Tefi It's 1,000%. It's always 4:59 somewhere. And I always like to tell people that my favorite thing is it's 4:59 somewhere. And then I always say Miami wasn't built in a day. I don't care about Rome.


Grace Why are we talking about Rome? That's all the way over there.


Tefi I don't know anybody in Rome.


Amy Miami is still literally being built.


Tefi I know. They find away.


Amy Yeah. Did you know Solange's song? I keep telling everybody this because I found out. Solange's song Cranes in the Sky is about the cranes over the city of Miami because Miami is being built all the time


Tefi Yes, because she's also a cancer. And I keep notes. I keep tabs on my cancer girls, like I'll read my horoscope and I'll be like. Me and Selena Gomez are not having a good day. Like, I like, literally. But yes, Solange is like one of my, one of my girls. Like, sometimes when I'll be reading it, it's like, talk to your family today. I'm like, Solange, you got to do it.


Grace Reaching out over the cosmos for your-


Tefi Literally. Yeah, literally. If Solange can pull through the day like I can find it within me, you know,.


Amy Completely. If she can do it, we can do it. I completely agree. Well, let's check in first. Okay. You're very, very accomplished. But we're not here to talk about your many, many accomplishments. We're here to talk about how you're feeling today. Okay. Like, for real, not small talk. Is there anything weighing on you?


Tefi How am I feeling? Yeah, I think. So. For a long- so I'm somebody who I can hold on to, like a lot of old energy. And I think sometimes when I'm trying to think about how I felt or how I felt in a certain situation, I can tap into that memory in such a like real way. I can really like use my root chakra and like ground myself and really go back there. But instead, like instead of letting that go and moving on, like, okay, that's how I felt that I got to the bottom of it. I'll carry it around with me almost to kind of like take care of that version of myself, even if it was from months ago. So I can feel myself holding on to like all this old energy. And I know what I have to do. I know I have to go to the gym to physically, like.


Amy Physically get it out.


Grace Mm hmm.


Tefi Like, sometimes when you have, like, a heavy heart, I'll like. Like, tap on my heart. I'm like, you got to shake it. You got to kind of shake it out, you know what I mean? And disperse that. So I know I have to go to the gym because it's such a great place to like while I'm running, while I'm working out, I'm physically imagining the energy coming out with my sweat like anything so I can see it, see things in a clear mind, right? But I have issues with the way that I view my body. So I know if I start working out, I'm also tapping into, like, a frenemy of mine. Yeah, I call it that the Heidi to my LC, you know.


Grace Oh, my gosh.


Tefi So it's like, hey, girl, I always love hanging out with you, but when I leave, I feel a little f---ing obsessive, you know? So I'm like, So I went to the gym today, and the whole time I was like, okay, think about it in ways where like if you're really having like a hard food day and like instead of calling it strawberries, I call it folic acid because it benefits, this is great for my eyesight, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. So I'm at the gym and I'm like. I'm running, right, because climate change, if the waters are coming, I got to be fast.


Amy I need to be able to run.


Tefi I'm running. I'm running. You know what I mean? You have to make it. Besides, besides making it about size or whatever. Yeah, it's more about like, well, if I'm running in the woods and I'm doing the zigzag because someone's shooting at me, this is where this comes in handy. You know what I mean?


Amy That's so smart.


Tefi I did all that. I think. I think I'm proud of myself about like, being able to, like, reframe things. It took everything except electroshock therapy. It took everything. Everything but a lobotomy.


Amy I am still working on that. The reframe.


Grace The reframe is so important.


Tefi But it's exhausting.


Grace This show is called The Antidote because life is hard and we all need different antidotes to deal with the bullsh--. So it sounds like for sure going to the gym is an antidote for you. But what is another antidote that you have? Meaning, what is something non-work related that's bringing you joy this week, this month or this year?


Tefi Non-work-related? Goddamnit, have you been talking to my mom? She's like literally my mom. She was like, What makes you happy? I'm like, going to work. And then she's like, Other than work, I'm like, and then I go to sleep. I think, you know, I was at somebody the other day asked me, What makes you happy? The happiest the happiest that I am is sitting at a table eating with my friends. It is my favorite thing in the entire world. Every time that I am sitting with my I don't call them my best friends, I call them my non-negotiables. Right. Because I feel like-.


Amy I love that


Tefi BFF. For me when I, when I hear like BFF or whatever, I'm like, you guys are going to break up, but my non-negotiables mean that I will work towards- fix it. You know what I mean?


Amy and Grace Yeah, that's right.


Tefi So when I sit with them and I'm in one of our apartments, there's eight of them and some very rarely we- we're all together. And for some reason the stars just aligned. It was not planned, but we were all together like last Monday. And I'm looking around and it's like one of those moments where you're like, This is a great place for the movie to end. So, you know, the character is going to be okay like that, that moment, you know what I mean? And it zooms out. You know, I grew up watching Lifetime,.


Amy But I mean I love that. I love that. There are times when-


Grace That pull out.


Amy Yes. When someone does like someone says that one joke in the whole table laughs and you're just like, this is the end of the movie.


Tefi You're good, like, You're good. I think I appreciate that so much too, because like, I'm on the Internet so much and I'm I try to read comments all the time and people are like, Oh, you should not read comments. I'm like, Have you ever heard of an engagement rate? Okay, never mind. Mind your business. Then. But I'll be looking for comments. And so many people say I don't have any friends and I didn't recognize I'm always the group of friends that I'm talking about my non-negotiables. I've known them since I was in elementary school. They're the same people. Yeah, some of them a little in college, but that's like the latest, you know? And so I'm looking I look around my friends and things happen where my mom will call one of them. She's like, It's your mom. And she just said something so funny. I'm like, Mom, call me, you know, like, so.


Amy That's how tightknit you are.


Grace Yeah.


Tefi But a lot of the times I've recognize too that I avoid them because people that you don't know well will not be able to tell if something's wrong, but your friends will. So I rather hang out with an acquaintance, so they'll be like, Why are you avoiding me? And I'm like, no reason. They're like so Facetime me. I'm like, No.


Amy And they're like, Oh, there's something.


Grace Oh, they know how to call you on the thing.


Tefi I know. So sometimes I'll be in New York, and even though this makes me the most happy, this dinner party like that is my antidote. Having a glass of wine. The conversations that we have that people who really know us can be too much. So I'll avoid it. I live with my antidote sometimes.


Amy That's so interesting. I mean, I we haven't talked about that at all. And I have to say, I, I agree with you. Like there are times where even the things that I love and it's it's not super healthy, I guess, but there are times where I'm like, I almost feel like I don't deserve the antidote because, like, I haven't, like, been productive enough this week or like I didn't get this thing I wanted or whatever. And I'll withhold myself from experiencing the thing that gives you joy. And that's so much of what we're trying to counteract, even by Grace and I, even having this podcast and forcing ourselves to have weekly antidotes is like, No, you will self care bitch. You know, it's like you're- we have to find a way.


Grace Oh, you have a guest this week. You have to find a way. 


Amy Because that can happen.


Tefi You will self care, bitch.


Amy Exactly. Get into it. And it's like that can happen. And I love that you're calling that out because this thing that you love that brings you so much joy, but sometimes you're like, But it sees me too clearly. And I got to step away.


Grace Starting during the height of the pandemic, you became an antidote for a lot of people, you know, because your your channel started in 2020 during everything. And I was just curious-


Tefi What happened?


Grace  What happened? We were going through a little something. Back then I can barely remember. It's not like we're still going through it right now, but do you think that Tiktok will stay your platform, or do you have plans to like grow your brand elsewhere?


Tefi Oh, my God, no. So, of course. Of course. It's fine. If Meryl calls, I'll do the movie. Fine, fine. You know, but I am, I'm working on things with other like networks and I am getting more into like scripted stuff or whatever. But I always say, like, I will always be on TikTok. The only skill that I have is like being myself, you know what I mean? That's the only skill. If you pulled up Excel right now, I'd start crying. I'd start bawling. So you know what I mean? So when it comes to Tiktok, you get to a certain point where you meet people who it's kind of like a PR in a way that they'll assign you with somebody who is kind of like, How can I help? What do you want to do and how can I help you? We have this brand deal, like if you if you like for me, I said I want to host red carpets and it was Tiktok. Mm. Yeah it was Tiktok that said, we have a partnership with Warner Brothers. Why don't I introduce you, why don't we have a meeting with them? So it was Tiktopk that put me on my first red carpet to interview people. And they said literally, they said, What's your experience? And I said, Oh, I've done hours of interviewing in the shower that oh, please, you know what I mean? Like basically none. So when and to this day, like once a week, I have a meeting with people from Tiktok, and when I tell you, they sit with me and they're like, How can we make sure- and it's not about like how they signed me up for projects that don't even use Tiktok. Like, how can we make sure that your dreams come true? I've never had people care about me like that. So, you know, I mean. I mean, okay, wait. My publicist, my manager.


Amy And they're like, hey, hey, hey, man. We're right here.


Tefi My mom definitely cares. So when it comes to Tiktok, not only am I in a place where I love my audience there, but I owe Tiktok, everything. Like if Tiktok was like, Oh, can you come can you come serve coffee at the office? I would like I would love to make you a latte, you know.


Amy Girl, you know, don't you dare serve them coffee.


Tefi It'd be bad. It would be like, you know how like-


Grace They'll be like, Ok, we will never ask Tefi to do that again. 


Tefi  Yeah, exactly. Bill Murray was at bartending at this bar in Brooklyn. It's like a famous story. It was, like his son was opening a bar. And no matter what anyone ordered, it'd be a tequila shot. That's like what I would do at the coffee shop. It's like, here's your black coffee.


Grace  I didn't make it myself. I went to. Starbucks.


Tefi Exactly.


Grace I made coffee at Starbucks.


Amy But you know what you offered? You offered and that's what counts.


Tefi I did.


Amy Do you have anything coming up you want to tell us about anything you like to plug? It can even be something you just love, not something you created.


Tefi Dammit. I was unprepared. I was like, Has everybody checked out Netflix?


Amy and Grace Yeah. Yeah.


Amy Let's plug Netflix. They need help right now. Their stock is in the gutter.


Tefi They do, they do, but let me tell you. If Blockbuster comes back, I'm switching up so frickin fast. Their head will spin, ok? But absolutely not. I have nothing to plug. I'm HelloTefi on Instagram and Twitter and TikTok. And like if you have a funny meme, send me a meme. I love a good meme, a mimi like my mom says.


Tefi I love that. Okay, well, thank you so much. This has been amazing.


Grace Yeas, thank you so much. Bye.


Tefi Thank you. Thank you. Bye.


Grace Okay to close this out. We're doing our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity. Amy, are you ready for this week's quote?


Amy Yeah, girl hit me.


Grace "Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye." And that's by Dorothy Parker. I'll say it again. "Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye." Dorothy Parker.


Amy Dorothy Parker sounds like a Virgo to me because I agree with this quote. I like the i- it literally is saying to like what I perceive it as the disciplined eye is education and education in any form. It doesn't have to be formal education like getting a degree. It could be classes, it could be, you know, reading a book about the thing you want to be creative about. But I think that wild mind and it's really hard to hold both, especially once you gain traction in the field of your choice to- that wild mind is what got you there. And that disciplined eye is will will keep you there. And so it's hard. Like it's something that I struggle with, like returning to my voice after writing on a show. Like, how- what are the things that make my inner clock tick and makes me stay, like, creatively free? And then how do I retain all the things that I learned to be disciplined about my execution? Like, that's what I, I think of. It's interesting that it says creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye, I almost feel like an artist, an artist is a creative wild mind and a disciplined eye. But let me not rewrite the quote, Dorothy. I'm a leave it to you. But I just I do think that being creative for profit or with, you know, with a career objective behind it kind of requires that discipline eye. I think it does. What is it make you think, Grace?


Grace Well, this made me think about how when you are first being a creative and you've gone to like school, like I went to film school, I went to school. And you learn all these rules about how you should build a character and how you should have a scene. And they're different for comedy and they're different from drama. And there's just so much to learn. Also, you learn about shots and you know how to put it in the script and you know what the director does versus what you do. And so there's all this learning that you do and then it starts all over again because school does not per- prepare you for being a creative out in the wild. I feel like what happened to me is that I developed a very disciplined eye. So I was writing with a lot of technique, a lot of rules in my head, a lot of things. So I feel like when I look at my earlier attempts, there was no no wild mind in there. It was just like you go from A to B, your character. Like I was writing in complete sentences. Like it didn't sound like how people talk. And I started out with the wild mind, like you said, like we all do as children. Like you just are creative by nature. You play, you make little. I used to make little soap operas with my Barbies back in the day and basically schooling tames that wild mind. So for me, there was a clicking in that happened, I don't know, maybe about six or seven years ago where I was so frustrated and I felt like my work was just like, I'm doing all the things right. Like, why isn't it as good as I want? And I was just like, Oh, I have to embrace the play. I have to embrace the wild mind of when I didn't know all the rules in order for your work to be good. So I think that this is a perfect encapsulation of what I didn't know I was missing at the time. I thought I knew all the ways to do it and and all the rules. And I had read all the screenplay books, and I was a student in film school. And so I was just like, why isn't it and why isn't it magical? It's just competent. It wasn't magical. And so I realized that I had to bring back the wild mind in order for my work to be not just confident, but to inject the magic and the the uniqueness of myself that wasn't coming through because I was paying attention to too many of the rules. So thank you, Dorothy Parker. I'll remember. I'll keep remembering


Amy  I love that. Yeah, that's beautiful. Thank you. Dorothy Parker.


Grace Thank you, Dorothy Parker.


Amy I have just learned a thing about myself as well that I need to get a little more. wild.


Grace I think we all can get a little bit more wild. Okay. Thanks for listening to The Antidote. We hope that this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?


Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.


Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace. At Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.


Amy And follow me. Amy at AmyAniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe at Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Goodbye and keep in touch with your non-negotiables. The Antidote is hosted by us, Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. It's produced by Jenna Hanchard and our associate producer is Taylor Polydore.


Grace Executive producer is Eric Kraus and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Derek Ramirez.


Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Mariannne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT The Artist and Cosmo The true.


Grace APM Studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert, and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.


Amy Send us your antidotes, please, at, and remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's "thee" with two E's.


Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.


Amy Peace out.