Rosé all day with Michelle Buteau
Rosé all day with Michelle Buteau
In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with comedian and writer Michelle Buteau about balance, blunt honesty, and the power of no.
Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week - thousands of beagles who had to be rescued from a laboratory in Virginia, and Desus and Mero’s breakup. They also share their antidotes: stand-up shows, and making matcha in the afternoon.
This week’s Creative Tap-In:
“Don’t wait for inspiration. It comes while working." - Henri Matisse
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Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy.
Grace And I'm Grace.
Amy And we want to help.
Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news, we're keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated.
Amy We talk about cultural moments we love.
Grace Talk to people we adore.
Amy Crushes we have.
Grace And self-care we stand.
Amy During these trying times, we all need a show that focuses on joy.
Grace This is The Antidote. Hi everyone. Welcome back to another week of The Antidote. We are here once again.
Amy Oh, I like that sing-song. That was nice.
Grace Ant-ti-dote. You know what? I'm feeling the spirit of Beyoncé coursing through my veins. Everything feels very sing song-y. Everything feels very new, real. She is edging us right now. At this point, she is keeping us, like, excited enough, but not given us the whole thing. So the Queen has dropped a couple of a little, you know, scoches of things. So she gave us a reel. Did you see that reel, Amy?
Amy I loved that it. I loved it. And I'm like, Beyonce's doing reels now. I mean, she's been doing videos and reels, but like this one felt different. I don't know why. Why did it feel different?
Grace I don't know. Maybe it's on her TikTok, too, because, you know, Beyoncé now has a TikTok. But Beyonce, um, are you going to singlehandedly bring back f---ing vinyl? Because I haven't thought about it in a while.
Amy Vinyl is back.
Grace And I feel like when, you know, you and I were, you know, in our twenties, vinyl had sort of made like a kind of a comeback or whatever. Like the hipsters were super into vinyl.
Amy Everybody had from Urban Outfitters. They were selling that little I can't remember the brand, but there was like a little record player that everybody was getting from Urban Outfitters that wasn't very good, but everybody had one.
Grace Yeah. But like, that was a moment. That was a moment. But I feel like, you know, we move past that moment. We're just like we don't even have to do any kind of physical media. It's all streaming, you know, it's all Spotify, it's all Apple. So now Beyonce has given us album covers. I'm just like, oh, am I going, I'm going to buy a record player? I think I think I would. But yeah, I mean she might legit bring back, Beyonce might legit bring back vinyl and I live.
Amy I know pure slash honey going to be sexy and you know Virgo's Groove is what I'm going to listen to. I bet it's going to be really, really methodic, like a real harsh metronome beat coming and staying on tempo, not speeding up, not slowing down. I'm here for Virgo's Groove. It's going to be a perfect song.
Grace I can't wait. I mean, why is it not July 29? Like, why is it not? You know what I'm saying?
Amy It's so close. It's so close.
Grace Alright. Well, I guess the joy has to be put on pause for just a moment, because, you know, we wouldn't need an antidote if we didn't have something to get an antidote from.
Amy We're starting now up top with our bummer news of the week. So, Grace, did you hear the story that there are thousands of beagles like the dog that are looking for homes after being rescued?
Grace You mean like Snoopy? Charlie Brown's dog?
Amy Yeah. Yeah. That's Charlie Brown's dog, yeah. There's a facility based in Virginia called Envigo, which breeds beagles for pharmaceutical research and testing. And at least two reports revealed that the facility, quote, "performed unnecessarily painful medical procedures on dogs and puppies." So 4000 beagles were rescued and now are in need of a home. Different rescues across the country are working on rehoming the dogs, shipping them in vans across the country. And it costs a lot of money and they'll have to take 5 to 6 trips because there's so many dogs. And they said the estimated costs of taking care of these dogs to get them back to health ranges from 275 to $700 per dog. I am not much of like a pet owner slash lover, but to me I feel sorry for these beagles and if I could, I would adopt a beagle. I don't think I have the capacity to care, take care of a beagle like that because I travel a lot. My home has a white couch, but I do feel for these little dogs. They didn't ask for this.
Grace I would not be surprised if they were able to rehome all of those dogs because I feel like there are enough people, because people sometimes like to have more than one dog and there's a lot of dog lovers out there. So I'm just going to try to be optimistic and hope that people will step up to the plate and take care of these little babies.
Amy Yeah, I hope it's okay. And I hope that just like your cat found a family that loves it, I hope that someone finds, houses this dog. So if you guys and gals want dogs, you know, just search Beagles Virginia adoption. I'm sure it'll come up, but that's not all the bummer news we have second round of bummer news is that late night talk show hosts Desus and Mero announced that they're breaking up even though the news is broken by a Bodega Boys fan account. It was announced on the show's official Twitter account that the duo, quote, "will be pursuing separate creative endeavors moving forward," end quote. And that "Desus and Mero" the show that was on Showtime would not be returning. That's right Desus Nice and The Kid Mero are breaking up and the fourth season of the show just aired. And they've, like, interviewed, like the president and like Yo-Yo Ma and like, all these incredible people. And I'm like, oh, no. I have to say, I think it was bummer news for me because I always get sad when like, famous duos split up. Like, I always assume that they're like actually friends IRL. And I'm like, when they end up breaking up, I'm like, no. Like if Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were like this, we're announcing the end of our friendship. I would perish. I wouldn't be able to handle it. So seeing the possible fallout makes me sad.
Grace Yeah. I mean, I've had a lot of situations where friends, family members, celebrities that I've known or whatever. There's just stuff going on that you just don't know about and that we never truly know anyway. Sometimes you don't even truly know your friends. Your friends have sh-- going on that you have no idea about, so much less like someone that you don't know at all. I'm just like, Oh yeah, I hope they're okay, but and I wish both of them the best in their separate creative endeavors. But I'm always kind of like, yeah, something obviously was going on that we didn't have any idea about and they got to deal with that. They got to handle that behind the scenes, I guess, but I don't ever feel like connected to it at all because I'm just kind of like, Yeah, people hide things. People are different in public and private.
Amy What are you hiding, Grace? What are you hiding?
Grace You don't know, you know what I'm saying? It could be anything.
Amy It wouldn't be hidden if I knew.
Grace I mean that's what I'm saying.
Amy Oh my god, she's got secrets, guys, listeners.
Grace I could have a double life, Amy. I could have a full family in Mexico.
Amy Grace has another podcast.
Grace I'm moonlighting. I have another podcast.
Amy She's hosting a podcast in Mexico. Oh, my God. But you bring up a good point. Like, you could never assume someone's public persona is the private or real story. I do think that's like Instagram isn't telling the truth. I think that's something nice to remember because I've I've been surprised by, like, friends' divorces or like things like that. I'm like, what? But y'all look so happy in the pics and it's like, Yeah, that's not the whole story. They're real people going through sh--.
Grace Yeah. Human beings are complicated. Like you have no idea, like why they just choose chose to do it. It could be, you know, that they're beefin or could just be like, you know what? We're done with this and we each have creative ways that we want to express ourselves separately. This could be just like we get to see cool new things from both of these guys. So I'm looking forward to see what they bring and if and if they did have some sort of falling out, I hope for their previous friendship that they they fix it.
Amy I like that take if they're strong together, maybe they're even stronger apart, and we'll see even more art and more comedy.
Amy And hopefully they squash that beef.
Grace Hopefully they squash that beef.
Amy Yeah. How do you feel after talking about the bummer news today, Grace?
Grace Oh, sad. I don't like that dogs are are being used for pharmaceutical research or that Desus and Mero.
Amy That's literally wild.
Grace Might be sad. I don't like it. I, yeah. So I don't feel the best. How about you, Amy?
Amy I've seen better days.
Grace Okay, well, let's get into this antidote then.
Amy So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. What was your antidote this week, Grace?
Grace Well, I was like last night. I was like, Oh man. Like I had like a long ish day. And so I was just like, You know what? I want to really, really laugh right now. And as we know, I've expressed before that I really, really, really love, love, love, love, love, love, stand up. And so I watched two stand up specials back to back. You know, I had my little cannabis soda and so it was even funnier to me, to be honest.
Amy So now it's funnier.
Grace Yes, even funnier to me. And so the two specials I watch, one by Taylor Tomlinson and it's called Look at You, which was taped this year.
Amy I actually don't know that comic. Let me look them up.
Grace Oh, she's so funny. She's like young. She's in her twenties, but she's been doing stand up for a long time and she's so good at it. So she talked a lot about, like, mental illness, like her mom passing away like like heavy topics. But she still managed to make them so funny, so sweet and relatable. And then I was going to stop. But then Netflix was just like, Hey, bitch, you watched this one. Don't you want to watch another standup comedy special? And I was on the couch and I was like, I might. And so they directed me to a special I had already seen, which is Leslie Jones's Time Machine special, which I watched. It came out in 2020. So I was watching a lot of standup in 2020 because I'm just like, please, please make me feel good, like Halle Berry in that movie.
Amy Yea, someone please.
Grace Make me feel good. Please. Because, you know, we were in the midst of a nightmare, so we were just kind of going through it. So I watched it back then and I was dying, laughing again. Like, sometimes her delivery is like a very like yell-y, but I don't know, it kind of works for her. And so basically the whole like special was about different ages that she had been through. So I think she starts out like near the beginning, like her being in a club and somebody saying that Prince is coming. And so she got really excited. She wanted to f--- with, she wanted to have sex with Prince. And so she's just like, how do I out hoes these other hoes? And so she talks about, okay, I know what I'm about to do. So she gets herself like a Sade ponytail.
Amy Oh, my God.
Amy She gets herself a Sade ponytail. And then she sees Prince. Prince comes in and supposedly had his booty cut out. You know how Prince used to have the booty cut outs and stuff like that?
Amy Yes. Uh, an androgynous king.
Grace Yes. And so.
Amy Like, look at me.
Grace He's looking good. And so she was just like, okay, how how can I out hoe these hoes? And so she started dancing and whipping that ponytail around, girl. The ponytail came off and Prince saw it.
Amy Oh, no. I knew that's where this was going.
Grace And then.
Amy I'm like, you can't slap on a ponytail and then go to the club. Like, you're going to be dancing all hard.
Grace And then she was like, yeah, but then I went over to the bouncer in VIP and I was like, But can I get my ponytail though? It's just really amazing to see this woman just. And at one point, it was so adorable. She was laughing at herself and she was just like, This is so fun.
Amy Oh, that's so sweet. You know, it's funny because of SNL, I kind of forget that. I forgot that Leslie Jones did standup first, but that she that's how she got to SNL, in my mind. She does sketch, you know, and and and as an actor. And I love seeing that when people return to their roots, like when they're like, I remember the thing that gave me the joy for this. So I love that there's a moment in there where she's like, This is so fun. That to me is like the joy of seeing someone do the thing that made them love what they do.
Amy That's cool.
Grace And like, so there was that moment. And then in Taylor Tomlinson's, she says that she makes a lot of jokes about her dead mom. And she said at one point, she's like, Do you think I would have been this successful, this young if I had a live mom? And like, and so like
Amy It's so dark.
Grace It's so dark. But I was just kind of like, you know what? I'm watching two women who are, like, processing their trauma in such a joyful way that they're just they this is what they both were born to do. This is both what they were meant to do, and they're just having a lot of fun with it. And it was just like, Oh, what a lovely way to end your evening. Like, just watching two brilliant female stand ups just f---ing kill. So that was definitely my antidote this week. Just joy watching two people stand in their purpose and do the thing they were meant to do. So what was your antidote this week, Amy?
Amy So my antidote this week was making matcha in the afternoon. And I'll tell you why, matcha tea like green tea, but matcha with the powder.
Grace I know.
Amy I'll tell you why.
Grace That's my sh--.
Amy Because I went to the dentist for the first time in maybe like a year and a half, like last week, and they scraped the little stains off my teeth and my teeth are extremely white now. So I was like, Should I get whitening? And they're like, You don't need whitening. We just need to clean your teeth. So they cleaned my teeth and I was like, Holy sh--, these pearly whites, my teeth are great. And the dentist was like, Well, do you drink coffee? Do you drink tea? And I was like, both. I drink coffee in the mornings and then tea in the afternoons, like, you know, because it has a little less caffeine than coffee. And they said, my dentist said that actually tea stains your teeth more than coffee. And I didn't know that. I thought coffee did. And they're like, No, tea's worse. Tea, the stains get up in there and they stick around. But at any rate, this last week was like, I always buy matcha and I'm not really good about consistently making it because you have to get a blender and all the things. But there's this black owned drink company called Gold. Or maybe it's Goldie. It's "G-O-L-D-E." And they sell now a their own branded like hand mixer, which just has a button on it. And "zzzz" and it like charges through USB. And I was like, I can mix matcha now. So just for the first week, I wanted to keep my teeth clean, my teeth white a little longer. And I was like, Let me get into mixing matcha tea, which isn't going to stain as bad as black tea and kind of has near the same amount of caffeine. So I'm still I'm not going to get that lull in the afternoon like I usually get, which means I should take a nap, but I don't have time for naps. So I have this little hand mixer now and I just "zzzz" so I've been drink, I've done Matcha tea from Buddha Teas from Golde and then from this place called Chroma Wellness that does like a collagen matcha tea, which is not vegan, but collagen is good for your skin and it has like ginger in it and it's spicy. So I've been making these matchas and it's like a little moment. Matcha is a gentler high than black tea. You just feel like calm and focused and awake. So, yeah, it's just been a little calming moment in the afternoon. It's been nice.
Grace I love that. I mean, I love matcha. I also have it in my house, but I'm going to get that blender for sure. Like, thank you for letting us know about that.
Amy Yeah. And support a black owned business. Yeah. We'll be back after the break. Welcome back to The Antidote. We have a special guest today who is it, Grace?
Grace Our stunning guest is a comedian, writer, actress and author. She also hosts Netflix's The Circle and the Principles of Pleasure. And do yourself a favor and check out her hilarious special Welcome to the Buteaupia. She a podcasting queen, too, with her show Adulting, which she co-hosts with Jordan Carlos, and she owns a mid-century modern furniture store with her husband. So she a business boss, too.
Grace And the mom of the cutest twins in all the land. She is the co-creator and star of the upcoming Netflix show Survival of the Thickest, based on her book of the same name. I am blessed to currently work on that show, so I kind of need to not f--- this up today. Please welcome the incomparable Michelle Buteau.
Michelle Buteau Oh, my goodness. What an intro. I'm. I'm tired. Just from that intro. I'm like. Are you guys my accountant? Do I need to pay taxes on any of those things you just mention?
Grace Well, you do it all. I mean. I mean, I have to cut some stuff out.
Grace I mean you a busy girl.
Michelle Buteau I'm a busy bitch. I'm a busy bitch. Yes.
Amy That's right.
Michelle Buteau I'm excited for it.
Amy You are very impressive, Michelle. But guess what? We're not here to talk about your many, many, many, many accomplishments, okay? We're here to get deep.
Grace Oh. So let's check in first. How are you feeling today? Like, for real, not small talk. Is there anything weighing on you?
Michelle Buteau My face hurts from fake smiling and I'm not even doing it for other people. I'm doing it for me because if I don't smile or at least, like, know what it feels like to stay happy or be happy, I'm just going to cry. Like, was it Oprah that said, listen to people that they'll, like, tell you who they are? I feel like America has been telling me who she is and I need to f---ing listen and be like, okay, got you. Like, I can't keep thinking holding on to this one memory we had when I was 15. Like, it's not good. And now with littles, I feel like Mama Bear, I need to protect my cubs. And so, yeah. How am I doing? I'm equal parts, grateful and resentful.
Grace I feel that's so hard.
Amy Yeah, I- no truer words.
Michelle Buteau Yeah.
Grace But this show is called The Antidote because life is hard, and we all need different antidotes to deal with all the bullsh--. So, Michelle, I will ask you, what is your antidote? In other words, what is something non-work related that's bringing you joy this week or this month?
Michelle Buteau I can't say rosé.
Amy Yes you can. You definitely can.
Michelle Buteau No, I'm supposed to be like, you know, doing my nails or like finding a new recipe or some sh--, but really sitting. Sitting and having a glass of wine and just not. Not thinking about anything. I'm a big list person. I'm always making lists. I'm even making a list for, like, how to relax and how to do a date night and how to want to do a date night. Then you have to do 17 more things. I'm just like am I giving myself more stuff on purpose? Because this is just like where I'm at now. And so, yeah, I'm just, I'm really trying to figure out how to just be and so that's my thing. Rosé.
Amy Well, let's talk about that. You're drinking it while sitting where you sit, Mom. Like, were you sitting by a window? On the dock of a bay?
Michelle Buteau Right now?
Amy A balcony, like no sitting when you're drinking this?
Michelle Buteau No one thinks I live in New York, because I have windows. Let's be clear about that. Oh, I don't want to take it. So that's the backyard.
Grace Look it. She's got the bay in her backyard. She got a bay back there.
Amy Woah, is that a forest and water?
Michelle Buteau Yes, we have a private beach and some trees. I mean, oxygen is wonderful.
Amy That is nature.
Michelle Buteau Never stop breathing. LOL.
Grace Do you still, like, go into the city to hang out, or do you kind of hang out right where you live?
Michelle Buteau You know, we moved to this big house in City Island in the Bronx the end of 2019. And I miss my Bed-Stuy crew. I miss my Brooklyn community. I miss seeing Caribbean folks, all types of black and brown folks, interracial couples, even the dogs had fun names like, I just miss it, you know? I miss beautiful people, good food, overpriced cocktails and mixed prints, just fly with fly sh--, you know, the suburbs in New York City, especially the Bronx. Like, it's still diverse as f---, but it's like, keep your head down my business and do your thing. And so, you know, it still taking me a while to get adjusted here. But, um, it's sort of like not to quote Angelina Jolie, huh? Here I go. You could have it all, but not at the same time. So I feel like while I'm really thankful for the nature and to be peaceful and just mindful because you're really sharing space all the time with people, which is great if you're single, but when you're taking care of so many other people, it's like, we all need a corner to think in without hearing people arguing drunk or horns and sh-- like that, right? Or fights or whatever. But it really has to be the best of both worlds. Like we have to go into the city and see some fly sh-- and see some people argue and teach these kids how to ride a subway and walk on a New York City sidewalk, because that's the best education you'll never get in school. Because why don't you, like, grow up especially in New York City- you have the best of both worlds. You can appreciate so much stuff and travel anywhere in the world. And that's when I want to set my kids up for I mean, sure, take the SATs, do all that stuff that everybody blah, but the real-
Amy Take the test.
Michelle Buteau Take all the tests you're supposed to take. It's like the stuff we make important. I'm just like, okay, sure. But also like when you graduate, who are you going to be in the world and how are you going to carry yourself? How are you going to take care of yourself when I'm not here anymore? I want to give them all the things that I never had. I want to be the example I never had. I want to be the change I want to see. Oh my God, am I going to do it?
Amy Ok, ok. Deepak Chopra
Michelle Buteau Yes.
Amy I'm like, oooh. She on her influence sh--. Give us the quotes.
Michelle Buteau Oh, no, she's been on Etsy again.
Amy I want to live life, love.
Michelle Buteau She's ready for a new mug. Uh, oh.
Amy You know, I do think there's something about the the freedom and seeing people like you empower your kids to have that freedom to say, like, I'm going to teach you how to walk on the sidewalk, but I'm also going to be around and take care of you. Like it's hard to to balance it all. And you're doing it.
Michelle Buteau It is. Oh, well, thank you. I'm trying to. But, you know, even when you balance, let's say you're doing a hard yoga pose and the teacher will tell you if you're shaking and you fall, that's part of it. That's what it feels like. It doesn't feel like you were just doing a tree pose. It feels like you're always working for it and you are so used to, you know, rocking back and forth and trying to get your balance that you're just like, Oh, that's just how I live now. And it isn't till you sit down, you're like, Why do my bones hurt? But it's not just the hustle. It really is the pandemic that I have to constantly remind myself like. You're doing a lot and still trying to keep people safe. And it's like bananas.
Amy And I feel like you're juggling so much. I mean, I when you say all the things like, we heard your bio, Grace gave your bio, it's like you're juggling a lot. Like, I do want to know, like, how do you find time for yourself? Like, where are the times? Okay, well, let's talk. Let's talk girls trips. You know, because we've been on a couple and I'm guessing.
Michelle Buteau Yea. They're so fun.
Amy And you've been a little busy and haven't been able to have them lately. So beyond the rosé and I do love a glass of rosé, what are the things that you're doing just in the little mini nuggets of the day? If it's not a whole week and it's not a whole trip that you like to do for yourself, that is just yours.
Michelle Buteau Right? So I carve out time for myself and also I have a great partner. So Saturday night I flew my mom in from Florida to help me with laundry real f---ing talk cause I don't want a bunch of people I don't know in my house. I got the nanny for the kids, set them up with like the old lady gang. Husband went to a birthday party, got drunk with his friends, stayed at our apartment in SoHo. I went out, got a mani pedi. The extra 20 minute massage on my feet. Yes, please, bitch. I'm tired. I went to go see my friend's play. Alison Leiby. It's "A Show about Abortion." That's the name of the show. It's a beautiful show. It hit different. And then I met a friend for drinks. So it's just like if you have a partner who's just, like, go do you and like, oh go do you too, like, that's also great, too, because we don't have to do everything together. We need to come back with a story, you know?
Amy Yes, come back and share some thing.
Michelle Buteau I already know what you did today. And the young dads, too, I feel like need to go off blow off some steam because you're trying to hold it together all the time. So it's just nice to even go out with, like, even a dog dad or what like just some other dude that knows how to take care of someone other than themselves to be like, that sh--'s hard, right? Like one time I invited a bunch of couple friends out because I knew they needed it. Nobody wanted to do it for themselves. And I'm like, I'm just getting us a room in the back of a thing and we're just going to have some sake and some bullsh--. And just the first 20 minutes mandatory. You got to talk sh-- about your kids. Okay?
Amy It's a rule requirement. You will be asked to leave if you don't.
Grace Well, I feel like that's real.
Michelle Buteau Yes.
Grace I feel like, you know, having a child is so hard. And I think that it must be even harder. Like if you're pretending like it's not hard, because I feel like, yeah, I talked to some moms and they're just like, no, like, like Aiden is an angel and.
Michelle Buteau They're dead inside. They're going to break.
Grace We have so much fun together. It's the best thing I've ever done. It's the best thing I've ever done. Yeah.
Michelle Buteau Yeah. When people are like, this is the best time. I'm like, they don't know how to say sentences or wipe their own ass, but this is the best time. Go on, go on, tell me more. Tell me more of your lies. And I work really hard to have these kids and I'm still just like, this is hard as f---. So if you don't want to have kids, if you're on the fence, don't. You're fine.
Grace You might be talking to me.
Amy Thank you.
Michelle Buteau Nobody should shame like nobody should. Shame anyone into anything they don't want to have or that they do want to have. You know, people who want to shame you are people who are f---ing insecure with their decisions and not happy and they want the whole misery loves company bullsh--. Guess what? Misery will age a bitch and also stress me and stress will kill me. And guess what I don't want to do right now? Die and look old bitch. Bye.
Grace A hundred percent.
Michelle Buteau I got a TV show coming out with-.
Grace I know.
Michelle Buteau I gotta look. I can't die now.
Grace Let me tell you, y'all, it is going to be so good. I mean, I can't wait.
Michelle Buteau And I know you tell me, too, which I love.
Grace Yes, you know, I would. It's like I'm not you know, what happened is, like, when I was young, I used to pretend to be so perfect. And I would pretend everything in my life was perfect. And, you know, I always like I used to eat chicken nuggets with a knife and fork and sh--. And so one day I just like, you know what? I'm going to stop lying.
Amy Bougie baby.
Grace I'm a stop lying just all together. And so sometimes when you turn the spigot on, it's hard to turn it off. Like, sometimes I'm a little too honest and I'm just like, Oh, snap, I shouldn't have said that thing. But so, Michelle, do you have a piece of art, you know, a book, a play, a fine art that's had a real impact on your life? Because I know that you went from like doing news to being a standup. You know, that's that's a transition. Was there something that triggered that or was it something that you kind of like secret? He always wanted to do.
Michelle Buteau Um, I think I a not so secretly wanted to get into some type of performing because I would always be that kid at a wedding. You know, dancing with all the adults. And I'm just like hyping people like, come on, come on. Like as if I'm like at basketball like college basketball game. And so I'm like, what is this need to get everybody up, get everybody up. You know. Like what am I going to be like an aerobics instructor? I'm like, let's go. And everyone's like, the only child. I was like, Sure, we have time for the percolator. And, um. I don't know, I. I mean, my mom loved old movies, so it was a lot of like tap dancing and singing and romance and stuff. But, you know, and then I just remember loving Sinbad so much. I'm just like, what is this light skinned joy? Because I never saw a woman that looked like me. The closest thing was Sinbad. I was just like he just out here, yellow and sweaty as f---. I was like, that's me.
Grace I also loved Sinbad.
Amy I watched that show.
Michelle Buteau Plus, I love that his name is Sinbad. My mom is so Catholic, but she loves Sinbad. And I was like all of this is wild. And it goes back to that thing of like me trying to hype people up at a wedding where I'm just like, Yeah, I still want to be a host and take care of you and take care of me. We're all having fun look at this.
Amy Well, thinking even just a little bit about like, how so many people of color especially are having to meet the needs of others. I remember that there there's an interview you did with Paste magazine where you said, I love telling people what I need without apologizing. It really is a superpower. And I agree. But I want to hear I want to hear about that, how you came to that and how it is your superpower.
Michelle Buteau Oh, God. That is just like. Life right, um, just getting older and being in bigger, more important meetings. People need to take you seriously. I'm not going to lie. It's also been interesting having a white husband because I'm like, Oh, okay. I'm going to put that on for a day. Yeah, and that's great. And I'm also realizing that I've tried it the other way. I've tried to be nice and mousy in the way I was like the way I was raised.
Michelle Buteau But that doesn't work and that doesn't get sh-- done. And, you know, I always say to my friends that I feel like I'm that chef at the end of Chopped where I'm like, "agagaga." Just running around trying to get stuff on a plate. And I'm like, Oh, what if I just told the three other people in the room what I need?
Amy Mm Yeah.
Michelle Buteau And that's how you save yourself. And people aren't mad at you, you f---ing people pleaser. They won't be mad at you, they'll respect you and be like, okay, cool. I'm glad you told me. Instead of like breaking your spirit down and then just being like, f--- it all and having a breakdown and being like, Nobody talk to me. Like Just tell people what you need and it's okay. You are actually going to be respected and probably make more money.
Amy Yeah. If you're empowering other people around you.
Michelle Buteau Yeah.
Grace Yeah. Like trust you to be, like, when you're very clear about your needs, people trust you more to be in charge. And that. And that's something I had to learn.
Michelle Buteau Yes. Confidence.
Grace Because I was like, Yeah, I also used to have the people pleasing thing a lot. This is this is new information I'm giving to Michelle because she has not seen the people pleasing art of myself. But-
Michelle Buteau Not even a little bit. I think it's a lie.
Grace But I definitely did that for many, many, many years. And I found that because I was worried about pleasing people so much, people wouldn't trust me to be in charge of sets, or people wouldn't trust me to be in charge of running a room. People wouldn't trust me to do it because like, Oh, Grace just goes wherever the wind blows. So I think that, yes, in a way, taking care of yourself shows the elements of leadership.
Michelle Buteau Yes. And people will see you as a threat and let them.
Michelle Buteau That's Okay. You know, my mom says the grass is always greener when you standing and sh-- you don't know. And that's fine. And that's fine, too. That's the thing. It's like once you figure out your power and can stand in the light, people aren't comfortable with that either.
Grace Mm hmm.
Michelle Buteau But always go where you're celebrated, not tolerated. Unless you like that sh--. I don't.
Amy Oh, my gosh. I feel so much better now that we've talked to you, Michelle.
Michelle Buteau Oh, that's so nice. Me too. I'm not drinking during the week, so I wouldn't toast, but. Oh well.
Grace Amy is right. Like the sh-- still sucks, but it sucks a little less because we've talked to you.
Michelle Buteau Oh, I love that. You guys are so great.
Amy Thank you. Do you have anything coming up you want to tell us about? I mean, we know about the show, but we'd love to hear you plug it. And if there's anything that you love, not something that you created, you can also put that, too.
Michelle Buteau Oh, my goodness. There's so many to do lists to watch. I mean, like, look, I love me some 90 Day Fiance. I'm just saying, you want to talk about being citizens of the world. I'm talking about being hoes of the world, talking about international hoes.
Michelle Buteau You know what I mean. You can't afford that romance, bitch. You got to go somewhere.
Amy 90 Day the other way.
Michelle Buteau So the government can figure out how sad you is in three words. You were living in his mom's basement. He said it was his roommate. No. Just because he's got his own entrance don't mean he's not live with his momma. And he's got three lizards that eat better than you. Bitch, go the f--- home. I know it's not great in Serbia, but you can get better marrying your fourth cousin. That's okay. Everyone's done that before. Nobody give a f---. You know what I mean. I feel like bitches come over here settling and they're just like, But. But it's Ohio. Yeah. That's why you got to go back.
Amy You go to go back, bitch. It ain't worth it. It ain't worth it.
Michelle Buteau You gotta f---ing go back. 90 day muah chef's kiss oof! Love it so much. It's also nice to see couples that are more f---ed up than you. And I have a show coming out on Netflix called Barbecue Showdown. It's the second season, but I didn't host the first season. It's going to be dope.
Amy Where can people find you on the Internets real quick before you peace?
Michelle Buteau Oh, everywhere except Facebook. F--- Facebook.
Amy Yeah. Same.
Grace What's your handle?
Michelle Buteau Oh, okay. Michelle Buteau, B-U-T-E-A-U. Ok. It's like, beautiful, bitch. Get into it.
Amy Yeah, we're into you. Thank you so much, Michelle.
Grace Thank you.
Michelle Buteau Thank you.
Grace and Amy Bye.
Michelle Buteau See you later.
Grace Okay. To close us out, we're doing our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity. Amy, are you ready for this week's quote?
Amy I sure am.
Grace Okay, here I go. "Don't wait for inspiration. It comes while working." That is by Henri Matisse. Again, one more time. "Don't wait for inspiration. It comes while working." Henri Matisse.
Amy That's Henri. Henri Matisse. He is French. So it is a French name. And you need to pronounce that French name.
Grace Henri Matisse.
Amy Henri. Merci. Monsieur Matisse j'adore set quotation. I don't know how to say it in French.
Grace Oh, now she's showing off.
Amy I f---ed up. Merci Monsieur Mattise.
Grace Amy is fluent in French.
Amy I clearly not. I couldn't think of the word quotation, but other than that, yea, doing all right. But I agree. I agree with this quote. It's like when people talk about, as you know, for us as writers, lots of times people talk about like being inspired to write something or like, oh, like when when you get in the flow and all those things. I'm like, those are wonderful things. But when you want this artistic thing to be your job, you also just have to figure out how to work through the hard spots and by working the flow arrives. It makes me think of that book, Big Magic that we both love, where she talks about like doing other artistic pursuits to awaken your creativity in the area that you want it to. But it's when it's literally like finding a relationship when you're not looking is when it finally arrives. But that kind of is what inspiration is. It's when you're just going through the motions of your creativity, through your art that it arrives.
Grace What it made me think is it reminded me, like in my twenties, I did not take this lesson. So there was a time when I moved to New York when I was 23, I was running away from rejection. And so what I did was not. Pursuing anything. I wouldn't go to auditions. I wouldn't write anything. I wouldn't do anything because I was too scared of the rejection and I was too scared to create something that might be bad. So what I did was not work. And guess what, guys? That doesn't make you any better at anything that you're doing. So what I learned was, you know when I am tempted to procrastinate, which is always when I am facing that blank page, which is a lot, I remember that even if if something isn't coming or I feel a little blocked or I don't want to do it right now because I'm tired or whatever excuse I give myself for the reason I'm not working, I have to remember that a lot of times you will start and the inspiration will come then because you are in the flow of whatever you're doing. Also, it just reminds me of being a TV writer. Like, we have very intense deadlines. Like we make anywhere between eight and 24 episodes of television in any given season. So you can't just be like, you know what? I'm just not going to write my script until inspiration strikes me. No, like the sh-- has to go to the network on this day. The revisions are due on this day. You know, it's got to be shot on this day. So sometimes, you know, you can't just sit there and wait for inspiration to strike. You kind of just have to get it done. And I would say nine times out of ten, as you do it more and more and more, then the thing that you are reaching for will come. But you can't figure that out until you do it. I feel like I learned so much in film school, but the real lesson was when I got my first internship, I learned that I didn't want to work in late night because I had a late night internship, and if I had not done that, then I wouldn't have learned that, you know? So even the act of starting and the act of doing the work will at least at the very least will make you figure out whether it's something that you truly want to do or not.
Amy I agree with that. And you can also start small. You know, because sometimes it can be really daunting, like, oh, I got to do the work. So I want to be a big budget studio filmmaker. So I guess I just have to go broke, like writing all these things that have explosions in them and then figure out how to shoot them. And it's like, No, you can start in a small way. What's the smaller, tangible thing that it might be less scary for you? But I also love what you said about sometimes you only figure out what you don't want to do by trying it, you know? I had the same experience when I was starting. Like I was working in development. I was like, I don't want to tell writers notes. I want to write the thing. And I was like, Yeah. So yeah, I really, I really liked that. It's a really nice reminder that sometimes you got to you got to just try it. How else you gonna know?
Grace How else you gonna know? Thanks for listening to The Antidote. We hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?
Amy Yes. I feel so good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, right. We'll be here next week.
Grace And in the meantime, if you like to follow us on social, follow me, Grace. At Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.
Amy And follow me, Amy at AmyAniobi and follow the show at theeantidotepod.
Grace That's thee way two E's.
Amy If you like, feeling good about yourself. Please subscribe and rate us five stars at Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Amy And tell people what you need. The Antidote is hosted by us, Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. The show's production team includes Marcel Malekebu and associate producer Taylor Polydore.
Grace Our executive producer is Erika Kraus and our editor is Erika Janick. Sound Mixing by Derek Ramirez.
Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT The Artist and Cosmo The Truth.
Grace APM Studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.
Amy Send us your antidotes at Antidoteshow.org, and remember to follow us on social media at theantidotepod. That's thee with two E's.
Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.