In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with actor E.R. Fightmaster about living with intention, tales of cryotherapy, and discovering their voice.

Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week –  Starbucks recalled some of their drinks due to possible contamination, and a judge refused to dismiss a lawsuit against a cancer survivor’s 'FCANCER' vanity plate. They also share their antidotes: pre-exploring a new neighborhood, and canceling plans.

This week’s Creative Tap-In: 

“If you’re creating anything at all, it’s really dangerous to care about what people think.”
-Kristen Wiig

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FULL TRANSCRIPT

Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy.

Grace And I'm Grace. We're comedy writers in Los Angeles.

Amy And we want to help.

Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news for keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated.

Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. 

Grace Talk to people we adore.

Amy Crushes we have.

Grace And self-care we stan.

Amy During these trying times. We all need a show that focuses on joy.

Grace This is The Antidote. Hey, everybody.

Amy I love that, wow. Given Mr. Rogers.

Grace I miss singing a lot. So sometimes in unexpected points, I just break into song.

Amy Girl. Same like in meetings, I'll be like, and then we're going to get the nuts.

Grace Why? Oh, it's because there's something that my soul wants that I don't do anymore. Yeah, I mean, I'm actually thinking because I want to learn how to sing plastic on the sofa. So I'm thinking that while I'm in New York doing production stuff, that I might actually get a voice teacher.

Amy Wait. You should do that. You should do that. I have a friend who did this recently. It was a while back, but he he used to sing in an a cappella group in college and he was like, I really miss it. And so he ended up getting a vocal coach. And then that vocal coach introduced him to some of the other singers that he was coaching. And then they formed an a cappella group. And they put on a show.

Grace Oh my goodness.

Amy It was right before the pandemic they put on a show. And I was like, What? You're like a 35 year old man in a group? What's happening.

Grace No, I love it. It's like just something you do for fun. Like, my my theory was to be, like, do a little cabaret act where I, like, wear a sparkly dress and I have my kids, like, all hiked up to my chin. And be like, Let me get right to the point. Big spender.

Amy It has to be when you're old enough not to care. It's like your 75th birthday. You're just like.

Grace No, I want to do it now, Amy.

Amy Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply I would take, like, over 20 years for you to get, you know, I think not the kind of thing. Yeah, you're like, I'm good now I can do it. Yeah, I guess just like you've taken 35 years, it was more that I thought, like, what's the age that you won't have the fear or like the nervousness of being like, I'm making my friends watch me perform.

Grace Honestly, I think I'm getting there now.

Amy Love that. Love that. Embrace it.

Grace You know what, bitches? You know what? Hype me up. Come gas me up at this at this club where three people, only my friends showed up to watch me think because yeah those are the things you know when you are little remember like high school and stuff you just joined clubs because you wanted to do it or you just joined the dance team or the theater or the band or whatever just because you wanted to do it. Like, why can't we do that as grown ups too.

Amy By the way, just to tease our guests coming up. Stay tuned. ER Fightmaster is going to be on. You may know them from Grey's Anatomy.

Grace Grey's Anatomy and and My Heart. They are one of the writers in the room that I'm in right now. And so we can't wait for you guys to hear that conversation. They deep.

Amy They deep. We actually tackled the idea of, like, doing something just because you feel like it. So it's a great combo.

Grace Yeah, awesome combo. Well, Amy, we wouldn't need the antidote if we didn't have something to get an antidote from.

Amy Starting now top with our bummer news of the week. So fall is right around the corner. Yes. And I read that everyone's favorite overpriced coffee shop is recalling some drinks. Why Starbucks is recalling hundreds of Starbucks espresso bottles that were sold in a handful of states due to possible contamination of metal particles. This is a statement from the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. They said that 221 cases, that's 221 cases. I don't even know how many are in a case.

Grace And probably some that that weren't reported. Of course.

Amy Of course. Yeah. So flavors from Starbucks, vanilla espresso, triple shot, 15 ounces. They were sold in Arkansas, Arizona, Florida, Illinois, Indiana, Oklahoma and Texas. Oh, my God. All the states that need help. They were all affected. And my thing- this is a bummer to me because I'm like because of the pandemic, like when everything shut down, when the pandemic started, I was like, oh God, I got to learn how to make coffee. And I did.

Grace Yeah, exactly.

Amy Like, it's part of my, like, morning ritual is making myself coffee.

Grace Yeah. And I used to get matches or ties from Starbucks because I'm not a coffee drinker. I only drink tea. And yeah, I like, you know, some I've gotten some tea gifts from friends, including you. You got me, like a little too much ginger like mix for my birthday one year. And so like now you told us recently about that little Goldie Blender thing that you make a with blender. Yeah, exactly. So I got one of those and I have my own matcha now so I can customize it exactly how I want. So, yeah.

Amy Call her Starbucks Edwards because she got those treats on lock.

Grace I'm a barista bitches. So so yeah I have stopped. So I just use my own stuff, you know? Who knows? It's probably covered in chemical too, you know? I know our dishes have. You know, they come in pretty colors, so they're probably full of chemicals as well, but it feels a little safer. So that's what I do.

Amy Yeah. Well, that's not the only bit of bummer news this week. So apparently there's a judge that refused to dismiss a lawsuit against a DMV patron for trying to have the vanity plate f cancer. Now, let me tell you a little bit about it. In December 2020, a woman named Carrie Lynn Overington applied for a vanity license plate reading the letter F cancer on one word and received it two months later, in June 2021. She received a letter from the manager of the Division of Motor Vehicles office in Dover telling her that the play, quote, does not represent the division and the state in a positive manner. End quote. So this woman was bussin for like the better part of a year before they told her, you'll plate all wrong. The DMV manager, Levi Fisher, wrote that any plate considered offensive will be denied or recalled if issued in error.

Grace What's offensive about f cancer?

Amy That is my question, and this is why I'm bummed out. It feels like a positive message to me. I'm like, What the f--- do y'all love cancer? You all weird? I'm really confused about who's seeing her plate, being like. I'm offended.

Grace Did she have cancer?

Amy I mean, I think that's why she got the plate. And so she said, My vanity plate receives positive feedback everywhere I go. And I've had more than a few deep conversations with complete strangers about my cancer and how cancer has touched their lives because of it. She also wrote, The community of cancer warriors, cancer survivors and those who love them is far reaching and very supportive and quotes. So this woman is like connecting to people who understand the trauma she's been through, who are survivors like her, and all through her license plate, her vanity plate, and like for some reason it's a problem because of the F, I guess.

Grace Also like I'm so sorry to tell you, American people and people around the world, frankly. Your kids have seen all kinds of things. The Internet is open. Okay? Your kids have seen all types of things. There's like literally no protections even on the porn sites. So, like, something that says F cancer, if you tell me about it's about the kids. It's not about that. It's about policing women's language once again. And I also think, you know, I've had cancer in our family. Most of our. Most of our listeners probably know someone who's been touched by cancer in some way, shape or form. I've had loved ones die too young from cancer, and it's such a brutal disease. And if she survived that and she wants to memorialize the fact that she survived that. Yeah, then let her have her vanity plate. That's absolutely wild. And obviously she's been getting good feedback. She hasn't been getting bad feedback about it. Yeah. So like, I would just re pitch to be like, okay, so you don't like cancer, how about f--- cancer? You know? And I'd say, how about how about I write it all the way out so everybody knows exactly what I said, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's it's really disheartening that the government and like, would there's so many other things to worry about like then that, you know. Yeah, I don't know. It feels it feels dumb. And you know what? I'm proud of you for coming up with that idea, girl. And I'm so sorry that your state is such a frickin square, you know?

Amy Mm hmm. I agree. Poor thing. How do you feel after hearing all this bummer news, Grace?

Grace I'm not the best. I mean, Madeline, our coffee and someone can't say f cancer, which they should be able to say.

Amy And the metal is going to give us cancer. So, like come on.

Grace Yeah, I know.

Amy How do we live? How do you live? I'm just trying to live. I'm just trying to see 50. Oh, Lord.

Grace No, obviously longer than 50. Girl, please.

Amy Okay. Just trying to see 75. I'm just trying to see 99.

Grace Yeah. Okay. 99. So we got to a place where it's accessible. I've been in the nursing home. Will hold their hands and die at the same time. Cool. Yeah. Okay. Let's get into the antidote.

Amy So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. What was your antidote this week? Grace.

Grace So as I've talked about on the podcast already, I have to go to New York for work. I'm supervising fat for a beautiful show that I'm working on. So, you know, it's a little tough to leave your house for three months. Like you're you see your routines and your friends and you're you're, you know, your coffee shop, your grocery store and stuff like that. So what I've been finding a lot of fun and is pre exploring the neighborhood where my Airbnb will be. So like, you know, just going on Yelp would be like, what are the cool spots around that, the cool cats and neighborhood is doing, you know, where's my grocery store? Ooh, that's cool. Like I made an appointment to get my. Now, then the day before production stats. So I'm just like, ooh, this, this is going to be like, maybe my nail spot, you know, while I'm there for, you know, almost three months. But then, you know, I also, as I talked about on the podcast, love a f---ing sauna, I think a sauna, there's something about like get in that hot box sweating it out. That relaxes me so much. So I found a place to get my sauna. I found a place to get my brows done and just been like looking oh, yeah. Like, is there a place with smoothies in the neighborhood? Every. Every so often now and then, your bitch loves the smoothie, but, you know, cleaning that blender is very, very annoying. And then I don't know if my Airbnb will even have a blender, so I'm just like, Oh, where can I get smoothies and green juices and, you know, the things in my neighborhood? So it's actually taking a little bit of the stress away of like all this packing and all these to do list before the trip, because I'm like, Oh, once I'm there and all my bags have arrived and all the things I shipped out have arrived, then I get to explore these new. These new things and this new neighborhood. It's a part of New York that I never lived in. I've lived in several different boroughs, but this is a borough that I have known that I lived in for a few months but didn't live in most of the time I was there. So it just feels like even though I lived in New York for 15 years, I get to explore a new neighborhood. And the beautiful thing about New York is that each neighborhood has such a different personality. So I'm so looking forward to learning the personality of where I'll be staying for almost three months.

Amy Oh, I love that. I love just the focus on it takes some of the stress off, like because there is something like and then I'm going to leap off this hillside into work and I guess I won't have a lie because production is very all consuming. But doing this research is kind of like, No, my life is going to be around me. Like I can cultivate that energy of home. I really like that and I actually am going to borrow that the next time I have to travel for work. I love it.

Grace Yeah. And then I'm going to like, you know, even like looking I'm starting to look into the Broadway shows I want to go to and stuff like that. You know, it's just cute. But anyway, that was my antidote exploring the the neighborhood. What is your antidote this week, Amy?

Amy Well, mine is almost the opposite of yours. Yours is looking into things to do and mine is canceling plans.

Grace Love it, love it, love it.

Amy Literally. This was this is a really, like busy workweek. I feel like I say that every week. It just feels like it won't let up. I don't know something about the hybrid. Zoom back in person hybrid life. Yeah, it has been really, really stressful for me and like really hard to find balance because you're like rushing home to get on a zoom and then speeding through traffic that you forgot existed. You get to a lunch and all this stuff and I'm just like, I'm really struggling to find finding balance. And in the summer, an answer that I had and I think I even shared it on the podcast was doing Pilates. I really got into like Friday mornings. I do plays. I like to have a nice stretch before I sit all day. And. And this, this past week, actually, my antidote was canceling plays and it was really hard because why is this a treat for me? I really like it. But this week was weekend. I had to prepare for a trip and I just was like, I need my morning because for me, I wake up really early in the morning on the days that I work out because I like to do a little writing before and then I go to the gym and then my workday starts. Yeah. And I was like, I don't want to wake up at 6 a.m. on a Friday. I can't do it. I just like it's like I've hit a wall, I can't do it. So I decided to cancel the Polaris and sleep in just a little bit and just wake up and get to writing. And it was really nice. And then to make up for canceling it this morning right before our recording, I did like a 15 minute stretch like crazy listen to Plastic Up of silver and Virgo's Groove Back to back, which is about 10 minutes long and did a full like I do like dance stretches like that I used to do from when I when I used to dance. And so I did a full stretch routine and I was like, okay, it's not the same as doing polarities. It wasn't like hard or challenging, but I still moved my body and that made me feel good. So every now and then it's an antidote to add things to your plate. And every now and then it's an antidote to take things off.

Grace No, I love that. I think there's great lights. Give yourself permission, because self-care is about what you need right now. It's not about like. I have to self-care. I have to be like, Oh. That's okay. Like it shouldn't be like another thing on your list if you need a. Craig. Take a break, y'all. Like, yeah, it's cool to, like, have a schedule to, you know, do certain things on certain days of the week. But if there's a day that you would rather to sleep in, that's what your body's telling you that you need. So you should listen to it.

Amy Yeah. Thank you. And speaking of breaks, we're about to take one. We'll be back right after the break. Welcome back to the antidote. We have a special guest today. Who is it, Grace?

Grace Our extraordinary guest is an actor, writer, improviser and comedian who has appeared on shows such as Grey's Anatomy and Shrill. They are currently a writer with me on Survival The Big It's on Netflix, starring Michelle Buteau. And they're an amazing musician who sings, plays guitar and piano than in their bands win. So go stream their sh-- so you'll be ready for Twins new single coming out in October. They are very passionate about women's sports, in particular the WNBA. So get ready for their podcast, Jockular coming soon. Please welcome the indomitable and glorious ER Fightmaster.

ER Fightmaster Oh. What an intro.  I'm blushing.

Grace Yeah. Well, you know, I live to make you blush.

ER Fightmaster Thank you, Grace.

Grace Me and ER flirt a lot in the writers room.

Amy Wait a second. I'm going to get jealous. What's that about?

ER Fightmaster Grace talks about you, Amy, like you're a partner. And so you understand since you're a functioning partner. Grace is exploring flirtation outside of your home.

Amy I have to be okay with that.

ER Fightmaster Long term partnerships, you have to add spice.

Amy Well, ER is very impressive, aren't they? But we qren't here to talk about your many, many, many accomplishments. Sorry. We're here to get deep.

Grace So let's check in first. How are you feeling today? Like, for real, not small talk. Is there anything bringing you joy or anything weighing on you today?

ER Fightmaster I. My real emotion today is that I've been running around. I spent the the weekend outside of my home. The person I'm seeing space. And so I was like, I didn't have any of my stuff. And then I immediately got back today and it's a monday. And so I'm just like back in work mode and I'm shooting. So I'm in that brain mode of being like, What am I forgetting? What am I forgetting?

Grace So what you're saying is that you're sort of in a busy moment. Are you excited by the busy or does it feel a little overwhelming?

ER Fightmaster The person that I am seeing right now, we are both very busy people. And so one of the things that I really tried to get like really intentional about in in dating this person is when I have their time, I really try to be fully with them. And so that just means in the time that I don't have with them, I actually have to be really diligently getting stuff done. And I like that. It's a nice place for my brain to to be because there is this, this thing going, going, going, going, going mentality. And I feel like earlier this year I really hit this like wall of I can't keep going like this. I can't have two or three things that are ten things that I'm accomplishing every day, some I need to fully turn off. And so I'm trying to do that inside of this relationship. And so today is just one of those days where I don't feel stressed. I just feel like, okay, we made the trade, we made a trade. We had a Sunday where we didn't answer a single email. We didn't talk to a single person on earth except for her. And now we're back in business.

Grace Yeah, I think that's a really healthy attitude to have days where it's all about her and you guys can have your couple moments, but then realize that, okay, that means that on the days that we aren't together, that means you're going to have to get more done than you probably would normally do.

ER Fightmaster I think this is a better switch for me. I think it's really nice to value both times because also when I'm with her like the end of a long weekend and I'm with her, I start to get that bitch to be creative and productive again. And so the flip back and forth is a nice balance.

Amy Yeah, well, those those sound like good. Vibes to me. I feel like we should keep those good vibes going. This show is called The Antidote because life is hard and we all need different antidotes to deal with the bullsh--. So I'm curious, E.R., what's your antidote? In other words, what's something non-work related that's bringing you joy this week or this month?

ER Fightmaster Something that has been I don't know if it's been even in some ways it's been bringing me joy, but really, it's just been like this thoughtful process that I'm trying to go through. Um, I. I think I'm at this point in my life, I just turned 30 this year. And, you know, there is something about like those decade birthdays where you're like that's reevaluate. And one of the things that I really came to terms with this year was I think I've been in a position quite constantly from like a young age of enjoying putting other people first, whether that's for my own personal pleasure or for conflict management or, you know, just like, you know, surviving in a mentally ill household. Like all of it was just like other people first, what do you need? What will make the situation easier for all of us? And I started to realize recently that I like I didn't I didn't know what I wanted and what things were what things am I doing that are making me happy versus what things am I doing that are, you know, I think are giving me worth to other people what these are outward facing and what things are bringing me joy down to, like the brass tacks of what kind of like print patterns do I like when no one's telling me, like all of these things. And so I've been kind of like collecting little pieces of like art or fabric or images that I liked all the way up to going to like cryotherapy to see what it felt like to get really cold, which is a sensation I hate and see. Like if that put my brain in a different place just then this like immense effort to get to know me better. That's what I've been doing.

Amy I mean, that really resonates with me. Like, honestly, like, I mean, Grace and I are both children of immigrants. And when I was a kid, I was just telling someone about this the other day when I was a kid, I used to act like whoever I was around because I wanted to be like, We're not that different. I'm just like you. I'm just like you acceptance me kind of thing, you know, trauma from growing up in a mostly white suburb of Dallas, Texas. So it wasn't until I, like, graduated college that I was really like, wait, what are like my own idiosyncrasies? Like, what are the things that. That are fully Amy and not like amalgamations of people I've been around for years. Yeah, it's like an unpacking that I think I would like to believe that a lot of people go through, but I feel like people who have had to present their identity to the world a lot actually go through it more and probably even later in life because you're constantly negotiating who you are against, how people are accepting you. Yeah. So yeah, I, that really resonated with me. It kind of like I was like, Oh my God, I feel like I'm still going through that. Like just figuring out like. Oh, what patterns do I like?

Grace Yeah. And I feel like so much of your twenties too is like about fitting in and like hanging out with friends and like, being the same as your friends and you're all having similar experiences. And as you get older and you start moving into different jobs and different parts and certain people get married and have kids, then you're just like, Oh, okay, I got to figure this sh-- out because now I don't have the crutch of all these people around me all the time because I know who. The only person that I can say for sure I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with is me. So I think that I also identify with what Amy said about feeling like, you know, especially growing up like again in a mostly white suburb. I always felt like, oh, I have to, like, be the representative of blackness sometimes. So I was just like, What is blackness? And so I had to like define this in a very narrow way. So I would try to be that and but like the best representation of that. And so in that I think a lot of me got lost. So I had to go through a similar process like when I got to grad school of like evaluating. Yeah, what do I want to, what do I like? Like what kind of art do I want to make?

ER Fightmaster But I think we are lucky in this way because I think that this is a conversation that actually not a lot of people are like. I think this is a conversation for the the margins and whatever section you occupy because there's there's of course, it's like we are we all understand different ideas of assimilation, like both of our groups of human beings understand how to assimilate or how we were expected to or needed to to survive. The thing about assimilation is you are actually aware constantly of your differences. You are aware of self where the people inside of the center, the norm aren't as aware of self because they are they are, like, invisible to themselves.

Amy Mm hmm. I agree.

ER Fightmaster And we are not invisible to ourselves. We are constantly, or at least when we were kids, we were, like, constantly aware that naturally we were doing something wrong. So we're studying ourselves and now we're adults and we enjoy our identities and we love ourselves. And so I think it's this really. Parenting thing is like, no, no, no, no. Nothing about my queerness is wrong. Nothing about your blackness is wrong. It's just trying to figure out what am I. When I'm not staring at the center, what is my life on the margins without looking in at them and waiting for them to tell me I'm doing this? Okay.

Grace I love how you frame that as a benefit, almost like you get the opportunity to look deeper into yourself. And yeah, I do think about the people that I grew up with who assimilated very easily or didn't even understand that what they were was quote unquote, the norm. I feel like, yeah, they are much more unexamined. So I think it while it is difficult, especially as a child, when all you want to be is the same as everybody else. But I also think it is gifts because that sort of core of examination of who you are, is. Is. Is a beautiful thing. It's what makes you you, you know. So you are you have a piece of art, a book, a play show, fine art that had really an impact on your life. Like sort of taught you that you want to do what you do.

ER Fightmaster Grace, we were talking about this the other day because we were talking about The Color Purple, and I had said I had read that book in high school, but I never saw the film kind of bizarre. But through this journey of, like, trying to get to know myself better.

Grace Mm hmm.

ER Fightmaster I keep coming back to that that moment in the book where she is, I think. Celie says it or maybe six does it. But if you see The Color Purple on a field and you don't notice it like that's how you heard God.

Grace Mm.

ER Fightmaster And I. I remember reading that. So that book has been coming up a lot for me recently. I don't know. I it's it's like we were like talking about people are bringing it up to me and it's I. That that book was probably the moment that I realized that like I was gay, like that there was actually language. But I think the reason it was so special to me was because they didn't say gay in the book, and that was not actually the conversation. It was just at the same time that I was like in Ohio, having this like love, a true, like, deep love affair with this girl at another school. And we didn't know what was happening to us and we didn't know even that we were having sex. Then the Color Purple gets dropped in my lap and I'm reading this, like, beautiful love story about, like, longing and, you know, silly watching her, the woman that she loves be with this bad man and, you know, all this, like, gentle touch and all of this this like, kind of male violence and then not having the language for this queer love and then even just the Color Purple, the, you know, theme itself of like, pleasing God by finding beauty. It has just been really it's just been really re resonating in my brain, I guess, for some reason.

Grace That's beautiful. And I feel like being an artist is the act of noticing, especially, you know, what we do as writers or whatever it is, the act of noticing beauty or ugliness or bringing together of things, the beauty and the ugliness. That's part of what we do. Also in your work as an actor. Like noticing noticing people in humans. So, yes, I can definitely see how that has played into your life.

ER Fightmaster I just did this like talk about like the antidote kind of thing. I just did this guided like kind of meditation program where this woman, Sally, talks about emotions and how they pass through you and how we have labeled emotions as positive and negative. And we we experience them as such because that's how we really build them. But if you can sit in your body, like through different, like, breathing techniques, you can actually evoke those emotions devoid of a story. So like, for example, you can invoke the emotion of fear if you sit inside of a room and you ground yourself and you listen really, really intensely for the smallest noise. And the minute that you do that, your senses become awakened. And when your senses are awakened, you experience fear that if you don't attach story to it, then it's not trauma. It's just you understanding that fear is passing through. And when I was. And then she does it with anger. And she does it with sadness and she does it with joy. And you're feeling all of these emotions pass through and you're not attaching them to trauma and you're not attaching them to pleasure even. And you are just noticing the experience of having the emotion. And that to me is everything that we do like, it's all the art we create is not always the healthiest artist that brings our trauma into it, but it's going back through your Rolodex, putting yourself in the space of feeling that emotion. And that's what we write through, or that's what we sing through, or that's what we act through. And I just love that. It's like we're just getting to this point in our lives. We're like, Let's try to notice these things without adding any, any like sadness or Yeah, yeah. I wait to them.

Amy What was that? Was like a YouTube class. Is it a book? Was a resume, was it a masterclass? Like, how do I tap into that?

Grace Well, we love sh--.

Amy What's that about?

ER Fightmaster You know what, I am going to start I'm going to send this to y'all. I'll send this to Grace. It's this you believe it or not, some my girlfriend made me do.

Amy Oh, my goodness. That's exciting. Wait, I did want to ask about the cryotherapy. Did you actually do it or was it a thing you were?

ER Fightmaster I did it.

Amy What? What was that like? I've never done it.

ER Fightmaster It hurts. It f---ing hurts. It's like, you know, a hundred negative, 150 f---ing degrees and you're in there for 3 minutes watching the clock.

Grace Did you do the whole three?

ER Fightmaster Yes, I did the whole three because I'm stubborn. And I did it two times because I wanted to experiment with which version of my brain I could handle pain with more. So the first time I kind of made a glowering face, I was kind of stuck in time. I smiled for the whole experience because, you know, people are like, if you smile, your body releases serotonin.

Amy That ain't true.

Grace That ain't true.

ER Fightmaster It didn't work. It didn't work. I was just cold and smiling.

Grace Yeah, I've done cryotherapy once because, like, there's this place that I go to do sauna, you know, I think I've talked about the sign of I shouldn't say fast with a f---ing sauna. And now I've started doing contrast therapy, going back and forth between the sauna and like a cold plunge pool. Like, that's my sh-- right now. So they did cryotherapy there. So I was just like, I begin in the plunge pool. I can do this. Cryotherapy. I'll be able to stay in there the whole time. Imagine it's worse than stepping outside naked, like in the coldest day in Michigan. Yeah, it's like, literally, you're. You're standing in there and you start shivering almost immediately. Oh, my gosh. And you're supposed to stay like the longest. You should stay in. There is 3 minutes, but you can do as little as 30 seconds. So I think I was able to stay in there about I was stubborn to I didn't make it to three, but I made it to two. But like, I almost died.

ER Fightmaster Did your lip turn blue?

Grace No. But I did feel like I was getting. I've had frostbite before, so it felt like I was getting frostbite.

Amy But why do people do it? Why?

ER Fightmaster It did alleviate. I have pretty bad back pain and it did alleviate my back pain. But then I went and worked out and the back pain came right back. So it's like, okay, well, I'm not just going to be f---ing cold every day in the morning for a nice back for 2 hours and then work out and have to be cold again. It's not going to happen for me. I learned that I don't like it.

Amy That's great. It's a learning experience. That was me with acupuncture, guys. I tried acupuncture and I was like, Oh, I don't know why I thought would be relaxing. I have a full fear of needles. And this ladies, I-.

Grace Oh, no, bitch.

Amy Literally, she stuck that first needle and I was like, Oh, this is not for me. And I was like, Wait, I'm terrified. Like, I started, like, you know, when you're anticipating something about to like. I was like.

ER Fightmaster Yes, yes.

Amy My whole body. And I'm like, getting hurt. Okay.

Grace No, that's. And that's exactly what you don't want when you're doing acupuncture. You need to relax.

Amy I couldn't lie still.

ER Fightmaster Where was she putting in the needles?

Amy Everywhere. Well, so I did. I did acupuncture and cupping. At the same time. Cupping is where they do the hot cup on your body and it like steams up. How that I will say, okay, here's the thing about cupping. It felt terrible. But just like cryotherapy for you E.R., it completely, almost completely relieve the pain in my shoulder. Like I have an old shoulder injury that just hurt. My shoulder hurts all the time starting right now. And the cupping relieved that pain for like two days. It felt like I was in a deep massage for, like, two days. And then the pain came back. Then I was like, I'd rather just get a massage. So

ER Fightmaster It's, it's almost like we're just going to have to we're getting all of it, and everything that we do to fix our bodies is only temporary. This is bullsh--.

Grace Yeah. Having a body is f---ing bullsh--, man. You have to take care of so many things. You know what I'm saying?

ER Fightmaster If I did cryo when I was 22, I would have been able to left a building. You know what I'm saying? I mean, I do cryo as a 30 year old and it makes my back okay. For an hour.

Amy We should have all started sooner. It only gets worse from here. It's downhill, it's downhill. It's literally your body slowly die of fear.

Grace It's downhill from here or whatever. Literally the other day I was on the treadmill. And you know how you do the things where you all breathe up? You know, you lift your arms as you're breathing in and then, you know, as you're breathing out, they go back down. I lift in my arms to breathe and f---ed up my shoulders.

Amy You, you hurt yourslef breathing.

Grace I have to go to the sauna. I was just like this fat. I enjoyed myself. Oh, great. Oh, no, no, no.

Amy Deep breath, then. Pop, pop, pop. No.

Grace I have a lot of fewer ailments than a lot of my friends, so I. Sometimes I feel drunk with power because, you know, I don't have anything super chronic, you know what I'm saying? And I have friends that have back problems and injuries and stuff like that. I'm just like. I'm aging beautifully just like drunk with power. And that was like God was like, no,.

Amy Let me let me check you. Right quick.

Grace Yeah, right. Quick.

ER Fightmaster Don't get too confident, bitch.

Amy Exactly.

Grace And she gone learn today.

ER Fightmaster Do any of you all do just physical therapy? Because I'm kind of realizing that's the only thing we haven't mentioned.

Grace I did do the physical therapy actually at one point.

Amy Here's the thing. My trainer at the gym keeps telling me how much I need my baby. And I'm like, I don't know. I feel like a mix of massages and cryotherapy will save me.

ER Fightmaster And I'm just. Actually. No, I hear what you're saying about the PT. I am just going to stay in the cold.

Amy Yeah, exactly. Cute. Cute. I understand you're a professional in this field, but I'd like to try sitting in a quiet room and feeling my emotions. Okay.

Grace You like, I know you have been trained. That's why you're called a trainer, because you are qualified to train other people. And you look at bodies all the time. But you know what? Whose advice I'm not going to take yours.

ER Fightmaster Sweetie, sweetie, I think I know what I'm talking about.

Grace I'm going to get needles that I don't want in me placed in me.

Amy I'd rather get stabbed to death sometimes.

Grace Literally look like f---ing hellraiser, but I'm not going to actually go and get a stretch.

Amy You're right. I need PT.

ER Fightmaster We all do. Apparently.

Grace So. E.R., what would you say is your proudest non-career accomplishment, just like that has happened so far in your short life?

ER Fightmaster That's a good question. Well, you know what I will say it is I do feel I'll let myself off the hook in this because it's hard it's hard to think about it like that. We are artists. So I do think it's not a 9 to 5 like it's the accomplishments that maybe you would get in a 9 to 5 are you know, are you are now you're a supervisor and now you're a manager or now you are getting a raise or you know, now you are the one making the presentations. Now you run a team. All of those are great, but those are all like under the umbrella of a company. I think we as artists are the company, you know, we are the business. And so every accomplishment that I have made in that career way has been like adding art to this life long gallery. And so it's even hard for me because I love making art so much to separate any of my accomplishments from doing. The art. Or it's all seems to have informed my career in some way. So like right now, for instance, I'm I just I used a, we had like, you know, a month off, Grace with July off. And so I use that time to travel. But I had a week in July where I realized in this conversation with Self that most of the things that I've made, even if I was primarily responsible for them, I have put other people's names on because I like. Creative teamwork. And I've been in team environments and I don't I have not had the. Necessarily the pride or the ego need to be like, this is mine. Except I did realize that I do. I did want something that was mine. So I used the one week that I was home in July to record a an album of music that was just like songs that have been swirling around that don't sound like my band, and they are just what I wanted. And I would go in with my producer every day and I would say I would kind of give him key words of like, Here's the song I've written all of the I want the instruments I want the way that we make it sound to be. This one will be a kind of space cowboy ask. I want this one to sound really hollow and cinematic and. Getting that done. Just being in a room and. Only, you know, trusting my instincts about the art that I wanted to create. That was a big accomplishment for me, and it is still a big accomplishment for me because I'm going to make videos for these songs and I'm working on the release and I'm working on the album, and I just made this promise to myself that I would make this particular project entirely mine. I was going to own every part of it. I'm going to pay for every part of it. I'm going to have my hands in every part of it, from the video to picking the director to the costume to the album. Art. I'd like to make it, you know, like, I want every part of it to be mine and that. To me has been a big accomplishment because I had to get over this wall of thinking, but is that selfish? Is that stupid? Is that a waste of my time? This might be the first thing that I've made, with the only outcome needing to be that I am happy with it on the other side. So that that's that's going to be my accomplishment.

Amy Yeah. And it's like it is so interesting because I mean, you loophole does by being vaguely career, but it's also really about art. But it's a very valid loophole because so much of our greatest accomplishments as artists are the art we make for ourselves and like. And sometimes that art we make for ourselves can make us money. And in a perfect world, it does. But like, sometimes it's just. I just want to be happy that I did it. I want to be happy that I made it all my life. That's exactly why I did my short film, like, a few years ago. That's exactly why Grace and I started this podcast. We were like, We want something that's ours that we can figure out the timeline, that we can decide how it moves, and that we have something that we get to hold. You know, that it doesn't have to be subjected to other people's points of view. And even if it does, it's like, meh.

ER Fightmaster It makes everything you do better. Everything you do is better when you do something, after you've done something for yourself, even even if the thing that you've done for yourself, like there are things that you change about it, like even giving yourself the like I made a short film a few years ago right before the pandemic and that that was in that way, I'm sure you understand, like making that short film was this. I didn't really expect anything to happen with it. I just wanted to prove that to myself that I can make a short film and that I learned more about the things that I would have changed than I could have ever anticipated. Like, you know, looking back at the project mean I'm proud that it's done. I think it's a good thing I would have changed so much. I would have done so much differently. And I'm a better artist now because I did that for myself.

Amy Yes, I know we're about to wrap up, but I wanted to hear about the audiobook that you narrated. I was wondering, what did you learn about your own voice when you did it?

ER Fightmaster There's something so nice about doing an audiobook. First of all, it is a lot of f---ing work. It is unbelievable. It is. I was in over two weekends. I think I was in a bus. With overhead fluorescent lighting for 30 hours.

Amy Woah.

ER Fightmaster And so it's your and you're reading it. And, of course, you can, like, skim a little bit ahead, but you're not going to read that. I mean, I'm sure professional but I didn't read the whole I had a f---ing job so I didn't read the whole book ahead of time. So I was like reading and you know, and adding inflection and doing all this sh-- at the same time. And you don't even realize that everybody has a speech impediment. It's just something I learned. We all have a speech impediment. We all have a regional accent. We all are saying towards instead of toward like the irritation. But what I really appreciated about it is, you know, they always say that you don't like the sound of your own voice. When you do an audio book, you don't have the time anymore to to bully yourself. You are trying to get a product out and you are trying to actually service this project. And this was a specifically I loved this project. The book is called Man of War. It's a young adult book about a trans kid growing up in Ohio and their journey. I mean, it really was an incredible like parallel to my own life. I was really I felt really, like, blessed to be reading this book at this time. And it goes from the, I think like 14 years old, all the way up to 30 that were following this person in their gender journey. And so I'm processing all of this and then I'm hearing my voice back and just really rapidly getting over like any insecurity I have about my own voice to get this done and to add meaning to it and to service the book and to do it all honor. And I just thought like I was able to get out of my own way. And so that audiobook helped me come to listen to my own voice without a filter of self-loathing. And now I would say I like my voice. And after I did that book, I immediately got a did a partnership with Dixie and did some audio erotica.

Amy Yeah. Oh, hear that, ladies and gents, people ER's got some audio erotica for your ass.

ER Fightmaster Yeah. Plus one on the Dixie app. Y'all better stream. We call it stream to cream. 

Amy Oh, that's perfect. Oh, my God. Wow. I feel so much better now that we've talked to you, ER.

ER Fightmaster I'm just so happy that I got to do this. I really have heard just so much about you from Grace and Grace. I've loved working with you so much. So I'm glad I got to be in this.

Grace Oh, same.

Amy 100%. Do you have anything coming up you want to tell us about? Anything you'd like to plug? It can even be something you just love, not something you created.

ER Fightmaster I did just. I did just get a subscription to Imperfect Produce. And I got to my house today, and I felt like the most grown ass, ethical, ass looking ass adult on the planet.

Grace Oh, so it's just like like it like the name suggests, just like. Like fruit that was too ugly to be sold.

ER Fightmaster And that's that's sometimes like I got clementines from them today and also imperfect produce if you're f---ing listening to this send me discount. Because this is free, this is bullsh--, I'm doing this for free. I just care about the environment. They tell you how much water you've saved and how much food you save. I figured time with your order and then they cut the price of the food by like, well, no one wanted it because these clementines were too small. And so then it's just like it's cheaper, it's all more affordable, and they're saving stuff that would have been thrown out. 

Amy Oh my gosh. Maybe we should share subscription grade because I'm scared that I would get it and I'd end up with.

Grace Yeah.

ER Fightmaster Well, actually, that wouldn't matter because they were going to do it anyway.

Grace Yeah. Well that's good. That's true. That's a good point. That's a good point. And where can people find you on the Internet?

ER Fightmaster They can find me on Instagram and Twitter as genderless_gap_ad and on Tik Tok. I think I am just ER fight master.

Amy Thank you so much. You are an awesome.

ER Fightmaster Thank you all.

Grace Thank you so much for being here, friend.

ER Fightmaster I appreciate you.

Grace To close this out. We're doing our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity. Amy, are you ready for this week's quote?

Amy Yes, ma'am.

Grace Okay. If you're creating anything at all, it's really dangerous to care about what people think. And that is by Kristen Wiig one more time. If you're creating anything at all, it's really dangerous to care about what people think. That is Kristen Wiig.

Amy That's a perfect quote given our conversation with you are especially like you are speaking about how they're creating music just for them and that the only end result that they're concerned with is, am I happy that I got to the other side? Yeah, it's something like I know we've talked about it a lot. Like how do you get out of the what will make them buy this? How will they how can I sell it? Like what? What makes it marketable? And climbing back into why do I like it? Why does it make my soul tick? You know, it's really hard, especially it's hard at every level. I was going to say, especially as you move up. But actually I remember like trying to break into the industry and trying to write like a staffing sample and being like, Oh, what's the thing that's going to make it work? What's the thing that's going to get me staff? Then I remember someone saying, You can't control that side of it. All you can control is what you do, so you might as well do what you enjoy. And I still struggle with that, but I agree with the quote. RMS Wigg I agree that it's it's really I think dangerous is a very delicious word in this quote because to say it's dangerous to care what other people think is really it's like anything that takes you off your true north of like knowing your creative voice. It compromises who you are and that's dangerous. So I agree with the quote and I want to listen to it more. What does it make you think? GRace?

Grace Yeah, it made me think something very similar. I feel like it is quote unquote dangerous because when we start out as artists, you are doing a lot of stuff that's derivative of other people's work. Right? Because you kind of have to in order to learn what it is. But sometimes it's hard to stop because then it becomes like, okay, well, I need to discover my own voice. But I was like, But what if my voice is something that people don't like? Like, what if I'm doing something new? Because, you know, every time somebody as an artist does something new, someone break the mold, someone does something unique and different, like, you know, even things you can look at something like Atlanta or you could look at something like even insecure, like the dead sh--, like visually and like music wise and like that had never been done before on TV. The confidence that that takes is a lot because everybody wants something recognizable. They want something that they can put in a box. And sometimes when you're doing something completely new and something completely different, it's very, very frightening because people are telling you like, Oh, that's not something we've seen before. So you need to put it back to something that you've seen before. And so that's why I think that she says it's dangerous because it's you will lose your entire creative ways if you can tenuously allow that to happen to you over and over again. And then next thing you know, you'll be just like an artist without a country. It's sort of like. I'm an artist that can imitate very well what other people can do. But I do not have the ability to recognize where I am in that. So yeah, myth way you spin on that because like I think, I think that's very true can be dangerous if your objective as an artist is to create something original. Right. Not everybody's objective is to be that. Okay. So thank you for listening to the antidote. We hope that this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?

Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.

Grace And in the meantime, if you like to follow us on social found me Grace. At Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.

Amy You can follow me. Amy at Amy Aniobio. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-OB-I. And follow the show at theeantidotepod.

Grace That's the with two E's.

Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe at Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

Grace Goodbye.

Amy And go discover some of your favorite things. The Antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. The show's production team includes senior producers, Se'era Spragley Ricks and Marcel Malekebu.

Grace Our executive producers Erica Kraus and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Derek Ramirez.

Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT, the Artist and Cosmo, the truth.

Grace APM studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith, concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.

Amy Send us your antidotes at Antidoteshow.org, and remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's thee with two E's.

Grace The Antidote is the production of American Public Media.

Amy Yeah, it is.