On this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace share advice they would give their younger selves to help them better navigate relationships, including not taking romantic relationships so seriously, and setting boundaries within their friendships. 

Amy and Grace also share their bummer news of the week – Ime Udoka’s cheating scandal, and the leaked audio with racist remarks from a member of the Los Angeles City Council. They also share their antidotes: a new coat and a new vision board.

This week’s Creative Tap-In: 

“I think it’s just as important what you say no to as what you say yes to.”

-Sandra Oh

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FULL TRANSCRIPT

Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy.

Grace And I'm Grace.

Amy And we want to f---in' help.

Grace We are comedy writers in Los Angeles, so we're taking those bad news lemons and making them into Lemonade. Beyoncé reference.

Amy We talk about cultural moments we love.

Grace Talk to people we adore.

Amy Crushes we have.

Grace And self-care we stan.

Amy During these trying times. We all need a show that focuses on joy.

Grace This is The Antidote. Hi, everybody. Welcome to another Wednesday. Another us.

Amy Hey, hey. The only thing that I want to talk about this week is that we finally got the details for our first live show. Ooh. Listeners. That's right. If you listeners want to become viewers will come out to the first live show ever. It's going to be Saturday, November 12th, at 7:30 p.m. at Union Hall in Brooklyn, New York. You can purchase tickets now at NY Comedy Festivalt.com. That's NYComedyFestival.com or at the link in our shownotes.

Grace We are so stupid excited and we will have an announcement of the guests very soon. But come see us. We are so excited to actually meet some of you in person. And yeah, we have been planning this and so we're ready to turn up with y'all and hear you guys and adults. Oh, my God, I'm so excited.

Amy And you'll also get a little bit more dose of us. So you're going to hear a little later in the episode our storytime segment. And you'll see that if you come to our live show, you get to hear a little bit more from us. Isn't that you see what you want?

Grace You will see unedited Grace and Amy.

Amy Yes, uncut Grace and Amy.

Grace Uncut. But you know what? We wouldn't need an antidote if we didn't have something to get an antidote from.

Amy Starting now, up top with our bummer news of the week. Okay, well, guys, I'm not a sports fan by nature. I don't really follow sports well. But I'll tell you what, when a Nigerian man is a head coach, I'm paying attention. And when that Nigerian man chooses a baddy as his fiancee, I'm paying attention. So I've been following this Ime Udoka cheating scandal like and it is for that is yikes. Yeah it's yikes. Basically, for anyone who doesn't know, actress Nia Long's fiancee and head coach of the Boston Celtics Ime Udoka, made headlines for having an affair with a staff member and violating team policies in the process. And the affair is bad enough, but here's why it's a major bummer, eh? He's been engaged to Nia since 2015. They also share a son, Cass, who's ten years old. Part B, she had just moved out to boston to be with him and Black people ain't trying to be in Boston like that. So she'd given up her LA life to go to Boston.

Grace I mean, you got Nia Long in your house.

Amy Come on.

Grace You got Nia Long in your house. Who is? I don't know how old the queen is. I'm not going to say, but she looks incredible. You're going to have that in your house and you're going to step out on her and embarrass her after she picked up all her Chanel bags and move them to Boston.

Amy Come on. After you fathered the child, you engaged the woman, you said move with me to the cold city of Boston, Beantown, and she did it. How are you going to do that to a bad bitch?

Grace I don't know. I mean, it's the disrespect is so terrible, but all I do is I pray for that woman's peace. I hope that whatever she decides to do, you know, whatever she decides to do is whatever she decides to do. At the end of the day, that's her baby's daddy. Yeah, but at the. But I am heartbroken for her. This must be so embarrassing to, like, have your business in the street like this. It's embarrassing regardless. But, like, now, millions of people know that this man, like, cheated us. It's so disgusting. And, you know, I just send my love and support to that queen.

Amy Yeah. And he's making Nigerians look bad. I'm just annoyed. That's not the only been a bummer news this week. The other bit of bummer news also involves a scandal, a leak, if you will. Los Angeles City Council president has resigned from her leadership role after audio leaked of her racist remarks.

Grace Bye girl.

Amy Yeah, I'm like bye girl literally. There's so many things that make this bad. So basically Los Angeles City Council member Nury Martinez resigned because she was making racist remarks about a fellow council member and his black child. The council member, Mike Bonin, is a white man and his family adopted a Black child. And he, of course, in campaigning, has gone out with his family, which includes the Black child. And Nury Martinez took it upon herself in a conversation to say Bonin thinks he's f---ing Black and she's saying things like, they're raising him like a little white kid. I was like, This kid needs a beat down. Let me take him around the corner and then I'll bring him back. This woman said this in a recording.

Grace Didn't she call him a monkey, too?

Amy Yes, she did. This one forgot the color of her own skin. This woman forgot that her last name, Martinez. This woman forgot that they don't want you here neither. I'm like literally, lady, what's wrong with you?

Grace I live for whoever recorded this. I live for whoever record this.

Amy Being like I got gold right here.

Grace I'm so happy that that bitch is cut off right at the knees. Cut her because she could have kept rising within the Democratic Party. I'm so sorry. You can't lead a diverse city like Los Angeles. And have those kind of f---ed up views. So I'm glad I didn't see anyone yell at me one on Twitter or other, like saying anything but this woman should resign. And that that's not typical. Sometimes you hear people, Oh, well, maybe we should forgive or whatever. But no, it was so egregious that everyone was like, she got to go and she did go and be a bitch forever.

Amy And also, I will say that's the one thing I like about the scandal that the Latinx community has been protesting heavy against this woman because it could turn into an us versus them situation like crabs in a barrel. We're all punching down and I'm so glad it hasn't. There have been large groups of Latinx protesters outside of her house calling for her resignation because they're like you, making us look bad. And I also like love that as people of color we can all agree on sh---y behavior is unlikely to me. I'm like I. I was expecting the protesters to be mostly black and the fact that they weren't actually filled me with pride for my city. My city. Yeah, I love that I said my city. I don't know if I've ever said that about L.A., but it filled me with pride for my city because I was like, Yeah, we can all agree that this was this was toxic behavior. And she got to go.

Grace And then did you see like some of the footage from the council meeting? People went in. They could not even finish the council meeting because people were just like, why are they still here? Why they still here? But why they still here? But why? So, you know.

Amy It was a reverse Beto.

Grace So I really I really did feel like whenever people, like, line up behind us as people of color, it really does fill my heart with a lot of love because we're all in this human experience together. And city is a city does. So when you do something that terrible then. You know about talking about a toddler, a two year old. Bitch. You got to go.

Amy You got to go.

Grace I'm glad you're gone.

Amy Oh, how do you feel after hearing about all this bummer news, Grace.

Grace Oh. Actually, it's it's not great. I mean, these ones this week were pretty bad. I'm so sorry that my queen Mia is being treated like sh--. And, you know, while it's great that this council member resigned, I hate that she said in the first place.

Amy Yeah, I mean, for real. So that's why we got to get into the antidote. Let's get into it. So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. What was your antidote this week, Grace?

Grace Actually, okay. I bought a coat, so I know that sounds like Oh bitch. By the coach. She's in New York. She needs a coat. Right? That doesn't sound like that would bring anyone that much joy. But let me tell you, I have kind of missed the seasons now. I really do like living in L.A., you know, but now that it is starting to get a little colder, I bought a Canada goose coat and let me tell you why that is a meaningful thing. First of all, I will acknowledge right now that some people do not like Canada Goose because they have in the past used coyote coyote fur.

Amy Where?

Grace On their hoods.

Amy Oh, like the fur.

Grace The fur around the hood. So I will acknowledge anybody who hates the brand. I will acknowledge that that is the thing. I did not get a coat with any fur on it, just a regular puffer coat. But let me tell you why. This is a meaningful moment in my life. Canada goose coats are very common onsets to be used because they are very, very warm. And oftentimes you're shooting, you know, in the cold weather here, there's a lot of weather in New York, especially from September up. There's a lot of it's very unpredictable. There could be it could be 81 day. Then next day it's raining. And, you know, so there's a lot of weather. So I remember trying one on when I was an assistant while I was here and I was like, Oh my God, this coat is so nice. And then I went online. I was like, I'm going to get that coat. It's really warm and nice. And seeing the price of the coat was very out of my price range as an assistant. And you know, we will be shooting until December on this current production that I'm working on right now. So I was just like, I think kind of get myself a Canada goose coat, go, oh, and so I like ordered it from Bergdorf's and I went and I picked it up because it was expensive enough that I would have had to sign for it. And I'm never home because I'm always on set. So I bought this coat and it really lit me up. Number one, it's just a really good coat. It's super warm, it's got little straps so you can like kind of wear it as a backpack.

Amy Like the Beyoncé coat.

Grace Exactly. So it's got those straps. So you could wear it as a backpack like our Ivy Park coat that be in Amy have the same one because we are what. So it's just a really practical, very, very warm coat. And I bought the long one that comes down like past your knees. And yeah, it costs a lot of money, but it really just was a moment of growth for me financially because I was just like, I can afford this coat, I'm going to pay for it with my business account because it is a business expense. And so it really made me happy that I was able to afford this coat that was so out of reach for me just like seven years ago when, you know, I was an assistant. So I was, you know, I just had it on set this week and I wore it and I just felt so proud and I felt so warm. I was so happy. So I know. It's just like then an expensive coat would bring me that much joy. But it did because I was just like, Look, the last time you were here, the last time you were on a set in New York, you wouldn't have ever been able to afford this. And now you can't afford this. So. So, yeah, that was my antidote. Buying an expensive coat's a very impractical coat, but I will get a lot of use for it because hopefully I will work on this show again. And also my parents live in Michigan, so I can definitely get use out of it when I'm there around Christmas. So that was my antidote this week.

Amy I love that.

Grace And what was yours this week, Amy?

Amy So I had a witchy night with two girlfriends where we like. I'm a big goal setter. I'm a Virgo. Don't act surprised. I love to set goals. And we had a night where we talked about our goals and we made vision boards together and it was so fun. My friends are named Alison and Lyla and we've been in a writers group for years, and so we got together, we got these magazines, we lit candles, we set our intentions. We imagined herself like moving into greatness. Then we made these vision boards and it was amazing. I like making a vision board. I don't do it like at a regular time every year, but it was so wonderful to do it and I think it's something that's easy for our listeners to do. If you guys are interested, just grab some magazines and just cut out the images that speak to you. I try not to think too hard when I'm cutting them out. I'm just like, I like this. This is a pretty image. This is the house I want to be in. This is the coat I want to wear when I'm in that house. Haha tied it together and I also like words that inspire me. Like I have the word entrepreneur. Rainbow access, women of influence, top talent because I want to work with top talent some day. So I have all these buzz words on my vision board. I have these images of black women thriving. Diana Ross is on my vision board. Zoe was on my vision board. Like, there's so many people because I'm just seeing like the joy that they have is what I want to experience. Yeah. So if I were making a vision board with Grace, I would put a Canada goose coat on there because I want it.

Grace Yeah, and here's the thing. I mean, I understand that not everyone can afford a Canada goose coat. I was in that place not too long ago, but I think that it is nice to just buy yourself or something slightly impractical that is, you know, whatever is within your budget at this moment just to make yourself smile.

Amy Yeah. So if you guys tried any of our antidotes at home, share them with us using the hashtag. That's my antidote. Or leave us a voicemail at 8336843683. Again, that's 8336843683. We'll be back after the break. Welcome to Story Time.

Grace As though this is the segment of the show where we're going to ask each other a question we've never spoken about before and who knows where the conversation will go? Amy, are you ready? Let's do it. So, Amy, I came across this tweet recently by at QueenVeej and it said Aunties and Auntie Juniors and I'm sorry, I claim Auntie Junior. I'm not a full Auntie yet. Give the nieces some advice about life that can help them navigate romance and friendship better than you did in your teen and young adult years. So if you could write a letter to your younger self in your teen and young adult years, what would you say to her? What advice would you give yourself about navigating romance and friendship better? And why?

Amy Me? What advice would you give to myself?

Grace Yes.

Amy Huh? About navigating romance and friendship better. It's so funny. I was you. As you know, I recently went to Paris and when I was walking the streets with a friend of mine, she's so awesome. And we were just, like, strolling around and she's like, Do you ever see your younger self walking around the city? And I'm like, Yes, yes. That happens to me all the time where you're going home. You're like, That's me is just like another girl who looks vaguely like you, whatever. And she was like, What is the thing you would say if you could go up to her and say something? And at the same time I said, Just f--- the guy. And she said, Don't f--- the guy. I was like, Don't f--- that guy. And we started laughing, like, literally just balling out in the middle of Paris. Just laughing so hard.

Grace That is so funny.

Amy Because I feel like the lesson I wish I could give myself about romance is, like, not, not. I'm like, I'm glad I made it to, like, you know, my ripe age with no STDs. But I'm also sort of like kids go to people who live well with that quote from Girls, like, like all fun girls have HPV.

Grace Just a light STD. Nothing, you know, life changing. Just like, just like a, like one of the ones, like, just, you know, like little gonorrhea.

Amy Yeah, just the one that I could take a little pill. But I will say that, like young me, because of the church and all these things was so like, well, first you have to, like, hold hands for nine weeks and then you kiss once on the mouth for a year and then you fall deeply in love, and then you get married. And nine days after marriage, you can say, I just had the craziest concept of how love worked. And if I could do anything, I wish I just walked around a little bit and not not even necessarily sex. I just mean, like, made out with a few more guys, got my heart broken a few more times, like actually like, loosened up a little bit. And that's such a weird thing because I'm like, I guess I got here kind of healthy in some ways, but I think because I didn't date a ton when I was younger, it actually kind of f---ed me up like that. Every relationship, I was like, This is the guy, this is the one. And that actually was like its own mind f--- of thinking that every guy that quote unquote chose me was the guy. Yeah. And I feel like had my parents let me date, I might not have had the I don't I might still have. They're like some women. It's just out of your program.

Grace Yeah. Like, I just want to say that this is kind of we're friends. There's so many similarities between us. But, yeah, I feel the same way. I feel like I was so much more conservative in so many ways. Yeah. As a kid, like, not never politically. Never, don't, don't get that twisted, but never politically. But I mean, definitely I didn't dance to music that didn't feel like.

Amy I worked it ut.

Grace Pure, you know what I'm saying? Like, I would I wouldn't ever, like, went back that came out. I don't know how old I was, like maybe who I was back high school or something like that. But you know what I'm saying? I was just like, No, I cannot do that. I have too much respect for myself. Like, I just feel like I just didn't have a lot of fun as a teen and a young adult because I felt like I don't know if it was respectability politics about being a young black woman in particular. Because I was like in a lot of white spaces, I was usually one of very few black people. So I don't know if I was doing that because I felt like I had to to comport myself in a certain way because I was a black girl. You know, I went to Catholic school for nine years, too, so like I had a lot of that Catholic guilt about, like, you don't let anybody like me touch you or disrespect you. You are a jewel from Jesus's crown and you have to like be perfect in everything that you do or you are going to hell. Like if anyone said the slightest thing to me, I was just like, he doesn't respect me, so he must be gone. And I have to. Wait for my God chosen spouse to come to me and he's going to lay down rose petals on the ground and throw coats over puddles then, you know, just overy map romanticizing. And I was just like, girl, you were like 15 like back then ass up have some fun dance just date boys kiss boys do stuff like without so much weight on it. But I just-

Amy Cath em a little bit. Spin on the dick, you know, just like spin on that dick.

Grace I don't know if I used to be spin dicks, but at least I should have been like, Oh my God, just because he held my hand doesn't mean we're going to get married in five years. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, it was. Yeah, I, I relate a lot to what you were saying.

Amy Yeah, that's, that's my big one. And I will say, as a girl who I love to dance and I was back in that ass up and shaking it like a salt shaker, and I knew what skeet skeet motherf---er means, but I was just like, but that's just dancing. I was always just like, That's just dancing. I'm not doing anything wrong.

Grace Now you're more fun than me. Because I was just like, why? Like, I really hated, like, grind dancing too.

Amy Oh, I loved it. I was like, I didn't like, what's that song? Feel a little pow pow coming, dude. I like, literally can't believe that was a real song on the radio and that we danced to it and we felt a little punk coming through. I cannot believe all of that now. The 90s were wild.

Grace I hated that because while like I felt like, Oh my God, like I and to this day I kind of feel like this. I was just like, why you couldn't just walk up to me and grind on me and at the bus stop, like, why you touching me?

Amy It was literally the grossest time of of our musical journey. This generation, like I. I was on that floor. I was on that dance floor, but I wouldn't grind it now.

Grace I was on the floor. But I was on the floor by myself. I would dance on tables. I would, you know, I would have a lot of fun doing, like, choreography for, like Beyonce videos and sh--.

Amy So now, Grace, your turn. If you could write a letter to your younger self in your teen and young adult years, what would you say to her? What advice would you give yourself about navigating romance and or friendship? Since I only did romance.

Grace So I would say the same thing that you said about romance as we just discussed, that I should have like loosened up and not put so much weight on every interaction with a guy. But as far as friendship, I would have said have more boundaries. I mean, I really like let a lot of girls walk all over me when I was younger. Like I remember like coming to this sort of Republican Catholic school. It was really challenging. Like, I had a lot of friends with racist parents who didn't want me come over their house and stuff like that. And so whenever I did have a friend, it was like I had to hold on to that person so much. So I put up with a lot of stuff from friends and when I would say to my younger self is that friendship is supposed to make you feel good. So if somebody is in your life and they are like lowkey bullying you or making comments on your appearance or being telling you you're a nerd or that you read too much or like.

Amy What the f---? Yeah, they're not your friends. As my mom would say.

Grace Exactly. I remember one time I had this friend, I won't say her name, but she was having a birthday party and she said that her mom didn't want to invite me out because I was Black. And so my other friends were like, we had like a little clique and my other friends were like, We're not going to go to her birthday party because it's not right that she is not inviting you. And then one by one, I learned that they did go to her birthday party and they were hanging out with her at times without me.

Amy That's that's terrible.

Grace And it hurt my feelings.

Amy Of course it did. That's terrible.

Grace I was still friends with them, you know what I'm saying? So.

Amy You're a kid, you have no choice.

Grace Exactly. So I feel like I don't know what would have been better to just be by myself or just have these toxic friends. And that sort of spirit lasted all the way into college. Like, I had some very toxic friends in college. I had one friend who told me that I would never be an actress because I was dark skinned. And.

Amy What the f---?

Grace Yeah, I had like messed up friends. I had a friend who she knew. I like this guy and then she end up hooking up with him like I think because I liked him, you know what I'm saying? I was like some sort of low key power move. Like, she since has apologized. It's a friend that's still in my life. You know, she did apologize for it. But, like, I feel like I let a lot of friends treat me badly because those early years I didn't have a lot of friends. And so I just like a lot a lot of girls just like walk all over me. Whereas, like, I have these extra, extra high standards for guys. I had like no standards for my female friends. And so I'm glad that as I've gotten older, I set boundaries and I do not have any toxic friends in my life right now?

Amy Yeah. I actually wanted to comment on that because I'm like, when you talk about that experience like that, that is so heartbreaking to me that you had people in your life and I won't even call them friends because I can't. Because those people were not your friends. They people around you, but they were not your friends, but that you had people in your life who treated you that poorly and said that they loved you with one side of their mouth and then were just like sh---ing on you with the other. Yeah. Lots of women who go through things like that, grow up and don't have close girlfriends and distrust women and like kind of can become backstab and like, that's why there's so much and all that is from the patriarchy. Like, I don't blame them for that. It's all the patriarchy and white supremacy. We know this, but like a lot of those, a lot of women in adulthood who have been through that have a hard time, there's those girls were like, I don't know why girls just don't like me. And it's like, yeah, cause toxicity. But the fact that you have cultivated there's I'm looking at your friends they're and I know I'm in it but like also your other friends that I've met and like the friends we have in common. You have cultivated such fantastic female friendships as an adult that I'm sort of like, Wow, Grace. Like, I just want to, like, sit in the moment of realizing how far you've come because that could have damaged you permanently, like literally could have.

Grace It really could have. But thank you for saying that. But yeah, I made a decision like there was one friend that ripped it wide open. It was a friend that right after we graduated from grad school just was so terrible to me. But she was my friend since high school, so I felt like I had to like put up with it. But that moment, like she said something unforgivable and I was just like, you know what? She's gone. And guess what? Anyone else that makes me feel this way is gone. So it was like my early twenties that I finally got to the point where I'm just like, and now we're not doing that anymore. And so the only friends that I will keep in my life and I'm very good at like snip snip as you know, like when I even go to parties, like. It's just like.

Amy I've seen it. I've seen it in person. It's cold blooded.

Grace Yeah. It's just like, oh, like somebody else would say something. I was like, Oh, that doesn't go with my moral code or center, so I'm just going to remove myself from that. Oh, I'm going to go get a drink like Amy has seen it happen.

Amy And I'm like, Oh, Grace is gone. I was like, I don't know what happened, but something not right.

Grace So yeah, you talked about your romantic stuff, but like what lessons would you tell yourself about friendship?

Amy I will be honest and say that I had a small but very good friend group growing up, and so I was a nerd and I was an out the outskirts girl. But I weirdly navigated a lot of social groups because I was Black. And so there was like this a little bit of like, you're the cool girl because you're Black and there's a little bit of like athletes thought I'd be good at sports. I was not. So I was in the athletic circles for some reason, and then I was a drum major. So they said my name and every football game, everybody knew who I was. So especially in high school, I kind of shot up in a weird way in popularity because I was the drum major, which is the nerdy activity. I was like king of the nerds, but like literally as a result, overnight I went from the quarterback. I knew I was I was invited to the parties, you know, and so it was just such a difference. And so, I mean, if I could say anything, there was a period in middle school where I was being bullied. And it made me mean to my friends where we all kind of like had these rules, like, we can't do this because a bully might come after us, we can't do this. And we were like policing each other's behavior in like seventh grade. And I remember that being kind of a dark period. But I will say, when we got to high school, I remember having a big conversation with my middle school friends and we all like apologized to each other. Like we didn't know what we were going through. Like we were all you would be just babies. Yeah. So I will say, and I mean, like, I believe you know this from knowing me, like, I really pride myself on being a good friend and I and as a child, I, I don't know how we did that, how we all got f---ed up and then all like, apologize and all came together and we're friends still. 

Grace Yeah. So I would say to young people, it's like if somebody is really making you feel bad, try to talk it out with them. Try to like maybe that person is not aware of what they're doing and you might lose a good friend by just cutting them off. But if they do have that talk with you and they're still like sticking their heels in the ground and like, not treating you how you deserve to be treated, get rid of them at that point. Like don't let them stay around too long because you want to recapture like a moment from the past of like when you guys were really good friends. So it's like a balancing act, like, you know, don't dispose of people like too harshly, allow them to to earn their way back into your life. But if they are not doing the right things after a certain conversation, then, you know, be comfortable with letting them go. I think.

Amy I agree.

Grace All right. Well, that was fun. I mean, and in the spirit of talking to our younger selves, a lot of times we make the mistake of focusing on others happiness and pleasure and not our own. So today's quiz is: do you get enough pleasure?

Amy You trying to ask me about myself?

Grace Right. Right. So let me let me get. Let's get it to this quiz. It's like old school Cosmo quiz, so I thought it would be fun. So I was just like, let's let's do one of these old school work.

Amy Let's do it.

Grace So at work, you're most likely to be known as a the one who organizes the awesome monthly happy hours, be the one who's always at the watercooler with the juiciest gossip, or C the one who stays until, well, no one really knows when you leave. Just that you're always the last one there.

Amy C, C. But I'm also A. I'm A and C. Yeah, but.

Grace But you we only have to pick one. We only get to pick.

Amy Well I mostly C because I mean I run a company, I'm always working, I'm like, this is unfair. I'm like, The boss can't be like, I'm at the water cooler. I'm like, What about you, Grace? What are you.

Grace I would say.

Amy I know what you are.

Grace I'd be C too probably.

Amy Nuh uh, you're B. You are so B.

Grace Do I like to gossip?

Amy Yes. Girl. Yeah. Are you kidding? Of course. You're like. And then I heard.

Grace You're right. That's right. You know what? I was on set last night. A friend late, like, was. Tell me about some Hollywood gossip. And I was just like I turned to my show and I was like, Well, girl, guess what I heard. You're right.

Amy See, just sayin. You might be gone late at night, but you still doin B.

Grace I still I yeah, I guess. Oh, wow. I've learned something about myself. I guess I do like the gossip. Oh, I've got to work on that. Okay, let's say B, okay, we're going to go with B.

Amy I don't know, makes me delightful.

Grace So when friends and family ask you what you want for the holidays, you say a an external hard drive, a coffeemaker and the comforter to replace my ratty old one. B Well, I guess my accessories yours is looking a little sparse. Hmm. I see nothing but a gift card. I'm planning a glam shopping spree of epic proportions. I know which one I am, but which one are you?

Amy You know me. I don't like gifts. I'm not a gift person. So I think of these options. I would choose C because then I'm responsible for getting my own thing. Yeah. I would never tell someone to give me a list of things. That's my nightmare.

Grace Yeah. You know what I would say C as well, because I am 1,000% busier than my parents.

Amy Mm hmm.

Grace And so, like, whatever I ask for, like, something, they'll get the, like, nice, practical thing, and I want this stupid, like, expensive thing. So, yeah, C would definitely be me as well. Okay. And question number three, you start chatting up a guy who just might be Chase Crawford's long lost win. I am so sorry. Chase Crawford, you are very handsome there this text. But it's obviously from an earlier time in life and obviously.

Amy Gossip Girls stans.

Grace Written by a white woman. So let's update it. Who shall we say, Amy?

Amy Do we say Michael B Jordan?

Grace Okay.

Amy Oh, no, no, no. Jonathan Majors.

Grace Okay. All right. So I'ma read it with the updated reference. Okay. You start chatting up a guy, he just might be Jonathan Majors. Long lost twin, but your girlfriends want to call it a night. You A blow off the girls and flirt on. You'll find your way back to your place. Or his. B. Say good night to the guy and kick yourself later for not getting his number or C bag your back to hang back with you since you did the same for her last week.

Amy Interesting. Oh, I think I would say C for me, but I wouldn't guilt her. I wouldn't say like I was. I did it for you last. I would just be like, Can we have one more drink? And then I promise we're out of here and I'll pay for the Uber. Like I would more like throw things at her to be like, can, can, can you stay with me and I'll do this and I'll do that and I'll do this to please you. Since you are now using me, I would not guilt her from a past favor. But what about you?

Grace I would say B.

Amy B was my second choice.

Grace Yeah, I would probably say goodnight and then kick myself later.

Amy Oh yeah. I was torn between the two, to be honest, because I've done B a lot, but I've also done C a lot. But usually I do C and then B it's like, say one more drink, stay one more drinking. Then after the drink, I'm like, okay, well, bye. And then I'm like, Oh, so it's usually a combo.

Grace But people are very surprised about this, about me. But like when it comes to boys, I turn into a 14 year old girl. Like.

Amy I was not surprised after hearing our storytime.

Grace Yeah. I am not good at chatting up guys like I can receive a flirt. Yeah, but like as far as me having to do anything, like getting his number, it was just. It was just it would just never be me asking. So number four, when getting ready for girls night you a take a long, relaxing shower and touch up last week's manicure. Okay, B squeeze it. A quick shower before you run out the door. C. You take a bubble bath, deep conditioning your hair and spritz out a moisturizing spray.This is such a weird question.

Amy B What are white girls doing? This?

Grace I'll just see my friends. I'm not trying to f---, y'all. I'll take a shower. So I'm not stinking but I'm not about.

Amy Bubble bath for who.

Grace Juge myself up to those are my friends.

Amy Oh yeah. You all know me. I'm showing up in sweats.

Grace And then the last question, this quizzes short and sweet. How many times do you and your guy get it on each week.

Amy Each week?

Grace Damn bitch. A it would be impossible to count. You can't help but jump him every time you see him. B get it on regularly but also enjoy quiet nights just chatting and catching. C. Try to catch a live on a Saturday and/or Sunday.

Amy This quiz is so weird. Well, first of all, you got to have a weekly guy to be able to answer this question. So maybe I'll answer from the past.

Grace Yeah, I'll answer from the past myself.

Amy I will say. B, I mean, I don't. Well, I've been in the relationships where you can't keep your hands off each other, but those are always toxic ties. It ain't a good relationship. Well, not all the time. I won't make a blanket statement, but in my experience, any time I've been giacometti's, there was some toxicity. Yeah. Like the Jasmine Sullivan songs from hotels. Like there's usually some toxicity attached.

Grace I know, right? You know, but boys, they. They get to f--- for a reason.

Amy And they're good at that.

Grace They're good at it. But I would say B as well. I mean, I feel like that's a relationship if you're just like getting in on all the time, when are you talking, when are you connecting? When are you like having the good part? Like, I mean, sex is great, but I'm just saying, like.

Amy Sex is great. But have you ever hugged?

Grace Have you ever cuddled? Like, like, my favorite pair would be just like, oh, we're going to watch something bad and yeah, eat a pizza on the couch and cuddle, you know, like that. That's that's what the relationship part is. Okay, so let's tabulate our answers and find out if we get enough pleasure. Okay. So, all right. So our results is that, Amy, you got four points and I got five points. So both of us fall in the same range. Not surprising.

Amy Not surprising.

Grace A perfectly satisfied sister. Ooh. So you mix your pleasure. Perfect cocktail with equal parts business and fun, which makes for a bad ass time and a level head when friends need advice. This is a girl who everyone wants to be friends with, says Seth Meyers. Oh. A psychologist.

Amy A Los Angeles relationship expert, not Seth Meyers from TV.

Grace I was like, Seth Meyers. You out here writing quizzes. That's what you did before your show. No. A Los Angeles relationship expert. She can write out trouble spots in relationships and is viewed as responsible and careful. Keep up your bounce M.O. and you'll find people coming to you from everything from party planning tips to project proposals. Look at all that alliteration.

Amy Wow. Cosmo really tried it with your tongue.

Grace Goddamn.

Amy Yeah, well, we're perfectly satisfied. We're neither deprived diva or queen of temptation.

Grace We're not virgins or whores. Okay?

Amy We're right in the middle. Madonna whore.

Grace Just lightly whores and lightly. Madonna. I don't know if you guys enjoy these three times. Please let us know. We would love to do more of them. And if you have a prompt for us to let us know what you would like us to talk about. Hit us up on our social at theeAntidotePod. All right. So to close this out, we are doing our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity. Amy, are you ready for this week's quote?

Amy I sure am.

Grace I think it's just as important what you say no to as what you say yes to. That's by Sandra Oh. One more time. I think it's just as important what you say no to as what you say yes to. And that is by actress Sandra Oh.

Amy I love that. She's absolutely right. In fact, from a creative standpoint, like when I was starting out my career, I had sort of like a, you know, the opposite of a spirit of abundance. Like I was very like wanting so desperately to have the job that I have now. And so I was saying yes to too many projects like anything across my desk, I'm like, I could do that, I could do that, I could do that. And I think part of it is like child of immigrant syndrome. Like I grew up trying to prove I could fit in and like I would take on like we've talked about on the podcast before. I'd like take on my friends like idiosyncrasies and be like, We're the same, we're the same. Don't worry, I'm an immigrant, but I'm the same. And so it kind of translated in work to being like, I can always see a way. I can always see a way to, like, fix the story problem, work on that script, do that project, write that for someone. I always see a way. And so I started overloading on projects and I got so burnt out and I actually had to write it on a post-it. Your first answer is no. Yeah. And I put it next to my computer. And anytime an email would come in for my raps or someone being like, Can I pick your brain? Da da da, all this stuff, it's so overwhelming. When you start to say yes to too many things that you lose your creative center, you lose what makes you you and what makes you good at what you do. And I had to be like, I have to say no. And the reason I'm saying no is X, Y, Z. So that helped me a lot. And then I also wrote in a post at one time, if you pick something up, you must put something down. And that was right by my computer, too, so that if anything came across, I'd be like, Well, if I'm doing this, what's leaving my schedule was leaving my to do list was leaving my and sometimes I'd be like, Well, I don't want anything to come off. And I'm like, Well, then that means I can't do it. And it's really challenging. I'm a people pleaser. I still struggle with saying, no. I always think I'm hurting someone's feelings or letting someone down, but it is so important you define who you are and what you are supposed to be doing. The more that you clear out noise and that's what saying, no, it's clearing out noise. So I love this quote.

Grace Yeah, me too. Very similar to you. It makes me think about things that I said yes do. But I said no to just in general. I think also what you said about the picking your brain thing, that's the hardest one.

Amy Oh, it's so hard.

Grace That is so hard because especially when it's like a young black woman who's gonna be like for advice. I do make a good amount of time to do that. I do have a good amount of mentees, but at the same time, like, I have had to start saying no to some stuff that's come through a DM or come through like I have to make room for myself. And like the biggest creative thing that we're doing is creating our own lives. Yeah. And so if I'm constantly doing things that I don't want to do, that I am creating a life that is not pleasing to me and I am creating art from a life that is not pleasing to me. So I really do take that thing to probably the frustration of my reps, because I do say no more than I say yes at this point. You got to you got to say no in order to say yes to the right thing.

Amy Yeah. Agreed.

Grace Okay. So thank you for listening to the antidote. We hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?

Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.

Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace at GracyAct. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.

Amy And follow me Amy at Amy Aniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. And follow the show at theeantidotepod.

Grace That's thee with two E's.

Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe at Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts and oh and make sure to buy tickets to our live show on Saturday, November 12, at 7:30 p.m. at Union Hall in Brooklyn, New York. You can purchase tickets now at NYComedyFestival.com or at the link in our show. Oh my gosh guys, we're going to be announcing the guests in the coming weeks and you are going to love it. Come see us. The Antidote is hosted by us, Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. The show's production team includes senior producer Se'era Spragley Ricks. Associate producer Jess Penzetta and Marcel Malekebu.

Grace Our executive producer is Erica Kraus. And our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Alex Simpson.

Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT the artist and Cosmo the Truth.

Grace APM studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.

Amy Send us your antidotes antidoteshow.org. Or call us. And remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's thee with two E's.

Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.

Amy Yeah, it is.