In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with comedian, writer, and essayist Samantha Irby about her love of Judge Mathis, processing her emotions post-pandemic, and how she balances being ‘quietly hostile’ and loveable.

Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week –  the Fyre Fest founder is starting a new festival, and Megan Thee Stallion’s home was broken into. They also share their antidote— going to the ballet and meal delivery. 

This week’s Creative Tap-In: 

“You can’t put your finger on who I am. I can’t put my finger on who I am.”

-Beyoncé

Purchase tickets to our live-show this Saturday: https://nycomedyfestival.com/lineup/the-antidote-podcast-live/  

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FULL TRANSCRIPT

Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy.

Grace And I'm Grace.

Amy And we want to f---in help.

Grace We're comedy writers in Los Angeles, and we like to take the bad sh-- we hear and work through it together.

Amy We talk about cultural moments we love.

Grace Talk to people we adore.

Amy Crushes we have.

Grace And self-care we stan.

Amy During these trying times, we all need a show that focuses on joy.

Grace This is The Antidote. Hi, everyone. Welcome, welcome, welcome. We're so glad that you're back.

Amy Welcome. From both coasts. Now I'm in New York and Grace is in L.A..

Grace I know we switched it, though, while I'm here for an event. And, yeah, I had to leave Amy back in New York.

Amy Yeah, but she'll be coming back soon because we have our live show coming up. So Saturday, November 12th, 7:30 p.m. at Union Hall in Brooklyn, New York. Don't forget about it.

Grace Yeah, doors open at 7 p.m. and we can finally announce our two wonderful guests.

Amy Oh, my God.

Grace Who are... Drum roll...Please Dulce Sloan and Jordan Carlos. We are so, so excited for these two amazing guests to talk to them live. So you don't want to miss that. You better come.

Amy Yeah come on you can purchase tickets now at NYComedyFestival.com or at the link in our shownotes. And you guys Dulce Sloan and Jordan Carlos like they busy people.

Grace Okay yeah.

Amy Let's respect them. Let's respect them and show up.

Grace Yes, tickets are selling fast, so if you'd like to come see us, we would love to see you.

Amy By the way, Grace, I was just thinking about how there's new music coming out this week, and I saw that like Chloe Bailey and Ashanti and Rihanna. And SZA are all dropping songs. There's a song Shirt is like, Okay, girl, just rip through my heart. I know. 

Grace Oh, sh--. I haven't heard it yet.

Amy We sad outside. We sad outside. These men be treatin us bad.

Grace Oh, no.

Amy But I notice that, like, I love Chloe Bailey. She's, like, so extra and, like, has always been extra since day one. And it feels like the f---ing cyber bullies are coming for her because she's always doing the most. And I just saw her video where she talks about how she's so excited that her new song is coming out with Lotto. And I was like, Why are people calling for her? This girl has so much joy and people just want to take it from her. What is that about?

Grace Yeah, I hope she's not reading the comments. I feel like I hope she's staying above all of it. But you know, you're a human being. When you hear people like talking sh-- like that, you're going to have some sort of reaction probably on the inside, even if, you know, she's not showing it. Here's the thing that I have never understood about the Internet and I continue to not understand. Like, leave people alone. Like, why are you coming for people on the Internet, that part, you know what you could do instead? You could take a class, you could cook a meal, hang out with your man, hang out with your kids, go for a walk, listen to some music. There's so many other things that you could be doing.

Amy Live your f---ing life and quit trying to ruin others.

Grace You. I promise that if you get outside or do something else instead of, you know, bothering somebody who's living their best life, I promise your life will be better. Stop like taking time out of your life to, like, bully people that you have no connection to. They don't know you. Why would you take a minute out of your day to make somebody feel worse? I don't get it.

Amy And we talk about it later with our guest, Sam Irby, who's an amazing author and such a funny person. But the idea, like so many of us, are going through things that you can't even see, like especially in this post. Still, in a pandemic world, being outside is hard. So why would you ever try and take someone's joy? I feel like when people do sh-- like that too, especially celebrities like Chloe Bailey, who are just so joyful, it's literally because they feel dead inside or they feel bad about themselves and they're like, I want you to feel like me, so I'm going to bring you down. I'm like, Get a hobby, learn to paint.

Grace Yeah, it must be so. Amy, we wouldn't need the antidote if we didn't have something to get any ended up from starting now.

Amy Up top with our bummer news of the week.

Grace Okay, hit me.

Amy So the first thing up is that I don't know if you heard about this, but the founder of Fyre Fest, Billy McFarland, is starting a new festival for anyone who doesn't remember Fyre Fest happened in 2017. The founder has served four years in prison after the festival turned out to be a con. This festival is what gave us the great line from Ja Rule. Like I have been tricked, bamboozled, hoodwinked.

Grace I know that documentary was wild.

Amy It's so crazy and how open this guy is about his scammery and he's like, Yeah, I started a black card that gets you into parties, but it was just like people giving me $500 and then they're part of a.

Grace Wait.

Amy But I'm like, Dude.

Grace Was that the documentary where that white man was just like, I was gonna suck dicks for some water.

Amy Yes. Where he's like, I was willing to do anything.

Amy And he said suck dick to get water. And he's like, I did. I almost did it. So Billy McFarland got the girls in a vice. I don't know what his magic is. I have no idea why this white man is so powerful. But anyway, now that he's out of prison, he started posting messages saying he has something in the works and he's like, posted all these clues on social media. For what he's planning and hints at another venture that included a treasure map and a number to call. And I'm like, wow, white men stay getting third and fourth chances.

Grace True. But also, you know what? There are going to be a population of people who are just like, I just want to go to see what the f--- happens, you know, what I'm saying. There will be a population of people who's just like the Fyre Festival guy.

Amy Yeah.

Grace This should be interesting. Let's see what disaster it turns into. Yes, now. And just blog it. Like that's the sad thing is that sometimes notoriety is the same as skill. You know, like they'll be like. Oh, it'll be a conversation starter. I'll be like a cool thing that I went to the new Fyre Festival, so he's probably right.

Amy Yeah, you're not wrong. And that's the thing. I'm like, It's a bummer, but I'm not even that mad because honestly, whoever falls for it kind of needed to lose some money. I guess. I'm like, I mean, nobody.

Grace Scam me, daddy. Scam me, daddy.

Amy Scam me, daddy. I'll suck dick to get scammed. In a weird way, I'm like mad at Brett Favre for stealing funds from a small community to build a volleyball court for his daughter. I'm mad about that. But this I kind of think it's funny.

GraceYeah, I was just like, if anybody is going to fall for anybody going to go to the new Fyre Festival, you deserve whatever you get.

Amy But that's not the only bit of bummer news. I also heard this would really make me sad. I heard that Megan Thee Stallion's home got broken into. This was from nbc washington. There were some thieves who broke into her L.A. home and sold hundreds of thousands worth of goods. And law enforcement said they confirmed, quote, The crooks took an estimated 300 to $400000 in jewelry, cash and electronics from inside the home. She wasn't home. She was in New York preparing to host SNL. But it makes me kind of sad because I'm like, wait, as a celebrity, she has to promote the things she's going to do. So she basically promoted the fact that she wasn't home and then people came and stole her sh--. And if you guys saw her on SNL performance, she was almost like crying during that song. She has called Anxiety. I love the song. I love that it exists. I love the idea that people at her level are talking about their anxiety. And there's a verse about her mom and we all know she lost her mom recently and she was singing that part of the song on SNL and started getting kind of teary. And I'm like, So this girl's been going through it. And she again, kind of in that Chloe Bailey way, she's just joyful, got a fat ass from Houston, right? And literally has love in her life. Like, we've got, like, Hardy Fontaine over here being like, if you a Black girl do your thing and he's doing his thing with her, like, this girl just deserves all the joy and all this sh-- is happening to her. And it made me so sad.

Grace And again, just like we were talking about with Chloe Bailey. Yeah, people just will take any opportunity to, like, fill your joy. Like, what is Megan Thee Stallion doing except giving us fun party music twerking for us on Instagram looking fine is, but doing makeup like her man's obsessed with her, which I'm obsessed with. Like, why would you break in and take her things like, I know why. I mean, I know why people steal because they want money or they need money or whatever. But at the same time, it's sort of like, do we have to do this? But, you know, whatever the thieves took, she'll make it back in 5 minutes because that bad bitch is living her best life right now, having so many different opportunities. We love you, Megan Thee stallion. We're sorry that this happened. It's so sad.

Amy Yeah. And yes, the things they took, she'll get back soon. But I hate that they also took her peace of mind in this. Yeah, because she ended up tweeting that she was planning to take a break after her hosting duties to focus on her mental and physical health. And obviously, this is part of it. But let's not forget, this woman also got shot. Yeah, like this woman, like, lost her mother. This woman has been broken into. She's also going through a legal dispute with her former record label. Like she's going through it and she's so as far as I can see, Megan Thee stallion is a beautiful soul and like, is a kind person. I hate that people are trying to steal her joy. So, yeah, that made me kind of sad.

Grace Yeah, it's terrible.

Amy Anyway, how do you feel after talking about all this, Grace?

Grace I feel terrible. I mean, for Megan more than anything. And Fyre fest, dude, I guess go off. Try it again and scammin. I mean, I would be delighted to hear Lacey Mosley talk about it, so.

Amy Yes, same.

Grace And how do you feel now?

Amy You know, a little low peace of mind is a hard thing to keep. I'm feeling bummed.

Grace Yea, me too. So let's get into the antidote.

Amy This is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. What was your antidote this week, Grace?

Grace Well, I went to the New York City Ballet.

Amy Oh, you saw the Solange show.

Grace I saw the Solange show. I did see it.

Amy Oh, my God. My jealousy.

Grace And it was amazing. You know, as many years as I lived in New York, I never went to the ballet. And so since I was in New York for work and I heard about the Solange ballet the Solange was going to be, why am I calling her Solange? I love my apologies, Queen. I was like, Let me go support this Black woman. I've seen different reports. Some people say she was the first Black woman to compose something for the New York City Ballet. Some people are saying she's the second. Regardless, it's a number that's too low.

Amy I'll tell you that much because we've been dancing. I'm just saying.

Grace Writing music, what you talk about. That's the beginning of time and slaying that sh--. So the whole show is called New Horizon, a ballet choreographed by Gianna Reisen. And the longest section was called Playtime. And so the dancers came out in these sort of like eighties style, like jewel tone power suits and some of their dancing power suits. And the suits featured like 800,000 Swarovski crystals. And I think it was Indiana Woodward who danced like the principal role in it. But I was so excited to see India Bradley, who is a black dancer from Detroit, Harlem, represent. So it was just so beautiful to see what these dancers can do with their bodies, like they're up on points like the lines that they make with their bodies are so beautiful. And of course, the largest piece was very Solange. It was very light and airy and beautiful. And they were like toyland and dancing in these beautiful suits. And I was just so proud of her, like doing something so out of the box and so different. Like, you could tell the people who were there for Solange. And the people who were there just for the ballet.

Amy Were people cheering? There's like a little section of Black people going, Go off Queen. You better pirouette, bitch.

Grace You better pirouette, bitch. No. Everybody was very dignified, but like the Black women, like, pulled up. You know what I'm saying? As you know, as Black people, we like to dress. Yes, we know. And so the black women that pulled up to the Solange Ballet were turning looks. I saw feathers, beautiful colors. I saw so many different kinds of hair, natural, you know, braids, you know, weaves, whatever. Everybody was looking fine as f---. So it was such a beautiful display. It was such a lovely way to spend like a Sunday afternoon. And then after that I like went and got some food from a place nearby and came home and had the rest of my Sunday was so lovely. So congratulations to land. And yeah, I think they're going to try to do another set of performances in the New Year. So if you missed it this time, then keep checking for checking back.

Amy That is amazing.

Grace What was your antidote this week, Amy?

Amy Well, mine was a little more basic, but hearing you talking about food, you left the ballet and got some food. And my antidote this week was meal delivery. And I'll explain why. Not, like, Ubereats or like, f---ing DoorDash. Like, they always don't bring my meals. So I've had some bad luck with, like, meal delivery, like that type. But for those who don't know, I'm out in New York directing a show, the show that Grace works on, which makes me so, so happy. Michelle Bhutto's new upcoming show for Netflix called Survival of the Thick is Big. And in L.A., I get mail delivery and I won't say what service because I'm about to drag them, but I get meal delivery from this consistent service that sends me lunches because sometimes in the workday I don't have time to like, make myself food. So I was kind of like, Oh, what am I going to do in New York? Like there's going to be food on set, but very often the food on set can be, you know, kind of unhealthy. Like they're trying to satisfy a lot of different types of people. So they're like, we got chips, we got dips, we got spreads, we got meats, we got grilled veggies, and we got things that you can eat. And I'm like, okay, so sometimes you like are so hungry entire that you end up at crafty. You just like eating everything in sight because you don't know what to do. And they do a great job, obviously. But I am the problem. I don't have very good compulsion to be healthy.

Grace Yeah, I mean, it's like boundaries. Like it's hard. Like when you've been working all morning and you're just like, Oh, there's something delicious. I guess I won't have it.

Amy Yeah, exactly. So it's really hard. Like yesterday I cheese and I was like, I'm lactose intolerant. What am I doing? But it's like they offer healthy things. I just grab the bullsh--. Yeah. Yeah. So. In my efforts to be better to myself while I'm on set. I did this while I was on Insecure to where I got mail delivery. And what I've done is because we're on location a lot, I don't have a way to take my meals with me. They've been my dinners after I come home from work. And what I found that that helps me do is after lunch they bring like a second meal, like another snack around. And so on the days that were ending at a good time, I'm like, Oh, I'm not going to eat that because I have food at home. And it stopped me from snacking so much. So I get home and the first thing I do when I walk in the door is make myself dinner with this meal. And the reason I said I'm not going to say the service because the meals are pretty repetitive. It's kind of like, oh wow, shrimp and couscous again. But like it is really good to have something healthy waiting for me at home that I can look forward to. So it kind of was like a little bit of a hack to not eat so sloppy while I'm on set and I'm tired and my snacks are at a premium, I get to kind of think forward and be like, Oh, well, here's something I'm doing to take care of myself. So that was my antidote this week.

Grace Great. I mean, I love that. I definitely do meal delivery when I can, especially when I'm at home, just like it just makes things easier. And with your repetitive things and I need to get myself together because sometimes I am coming home and continuing the bad behavior. 

Amy Yeah. Yeah. So I mean, I love like just in general that you really took care of yourself artistically with your antidote. And I took care of myself physically. And I think both of these things are important. And some weeks you don't get both. So yeah, if you can focus on one thing at a time, you're still doing the best you can. If you guys tried any of our antidotes at home, share them with us using the hashtag. That's my antidote. That's #thatsmyantidote. Or leave us a voicemail at 8336843683. We'll be back after the break.

Grace Welcome back to the antidote. We have a very special guest today. Who is it, Amy?

Amy Our guest today is incredible. She's the creator and author of the insanely popular blog Bitch's Gotta Eat, where she posts about her life and about Judge Mathis. Her recaps are a treat. She has written and produced for HBO's Sex and the City spinoff "and just like that", as well as Tuca and Bertie, Shril,l and Work in progress. She's published four books and she has a fifth book releasing next year titled Quietly Hostile. Please welcome New York Times bestselling author and all around badass, Samantha Irby.

Samantha Irby Hello. I can't believe you made me sit through that introduction.

Amy I'm upset with myself, too. I was like, This must be painful.

Grace First of all, I just want to say that Judge Mathis is known as like my mother calls him her boyfriend. And.

Samantha Irby Every Black woman of a certain age is Greg Mathis's pseudo wife. So I have been to this taping a bunch of time, live. It's impossible to live in Chicago and not there.

Amy You walk down the street and oops, you're in the taping.

Samantha Irby Yes, I'm not going to the bean. I'm not going to the Sears Tower. I'm going to see Greg. And every time I've gone, when I tell you that the women age 50 to 65 are dressed like Easter Sunday, trying to catch.

Grace Greg's eye, you know, with their Easter hats.

Samantha Irby The kitten heels are in effect. Once I went there and this lady was like, Hey, look, you don't get to talk to him, right? You had to talk to the bailiff because he, like, entertains between cases. I don't. I can't believe I'm talking about this. Like, this is real court. But there was and this woman was like, Hi, Greg. And I was like, I mean, shoot your shot, but girl he is married and this is TV.

Grace Just tossin the puss over. Yeah. And you know, he's from Detroit, which is where I'm from and where my parents still lives. So, yeah, he holds a very special place in our household. My mother loves judge shows. So I've. I've seen many of them more than I wanted to.

Amy I don't watch and your recaps take me there. So I'm I have to be honest. I read your recaps and I'm like, I saw it.

Samantha Irby That is the highest compliment I've ever been paid. I am more proud of those recaps than I am of my books. I just I just it during the pandemic, I was like, you know, I love a bit, you know, I will run a bit into yeah, like I am a annoying person in that way. And it was like early pandemic. And I was like, What can I do? Right, because we weren't leaving the house. And I'm like, What? Inside my house? Can I turn into a thing I can write about? Because like, I wasn't doing anything interesting and I was watching Judge Mathis and I tweeted, Would anybody who read it if I recap Judge Mathis and all it takes for me is one yes. You know what I mean? Like.

Amy Yeah, yeah. You weren't looking for, like, a critical mass. You just wanted one person say, yes, please progress me that way.

Samantha Irby I need one person to be like, hey, can you be an idiot? And I'm like, Oh, yeah, right away. I'm like, I came home one day, we still have a house phone and I don't know how they got my number, but like some Warner Brothers executive left one message and I was like, Oh, no, I just when am I going to get sued? Yes. Yes.

Amy They're like. Hello, Miss Irby.

Samantha Irby Well, that's what I was prepared for. But the message was like. Hi, this is David. I work for Warner Brothers. And I was like, Here we go, here it comes, here comes. And he's like, Someone alerted me to your recaps and I'm like, Oh, my God, oh my God. And he's like, Could you give me a call back?

Amy What, that's too vague.

Samantha Irby I'm like.

Amy I would never call that person back. David from Warner Brothers.

Samantha Irby I was like, I'm never calling. Absolutely not.

Grace Oh, no, that's not enough information. I need to know how you feel.

Amy Y'all need to get in touch with David.

Samantha Irby Call them and tell them that I'm sorry.

Grace You better write to your agent, like, find out what the f--- this is.

Samantha Irby No. I called him back and they wanted to work together. Oh, like. And I was like, this is amazing. And then I was like, does Greg know?

Grace Has Greg read my recaps.

Amy Quick Quesh.

Grace And then what was he wearing when he.

Amy When he read it.

Samantha Irby First? Does he know and also what's under the Robe. Or. Well, I ended up like not working with them because I was like, Oh, I can't do an extra.

Grace Well, also, you have to be like honest in your recaps. Same thing, because if you are like cuddled up to production, you know, you can't be as candid as you want to.

Samantha Irby When Greg makes a mistake, would I not write it if I know that he's going to read it.

Grace That listen, what I'm hearing is that you're bringing light. Yeah, I think they should be greatful.

Amy They're grateful.

Grace Well, she's very impressive, isn't she? But we aren't here to talk about your many, many, many accomplishments. We are here to get deep.

Amy Let's check in first. How are you feeling today? Like, for real, not small talk. Is anything weighing on you in life?

Samantha Irby Well, I am a month into a new Zoloft prescription.

Amy Right level of deep.

Samantha Irby I mean, I still am in therapy. Do you guys ever I mean, I feel like this is no knock on my therapist, but I feel like when I log in to therapy, like, for me, it feels like, oh, this is the Samantha Irby Comedy Hour. You know what I mean? I'm like I'm like, bring any sensitive thoughts, energy. Like, I see her face and I'm like, can I get her to laugh? I truly like I would love to be healed. But first, will you laugh at this 45 minute that I'm about to do? So I am in therapy for all of years, and whatever I'm not getting from it is my fault. I feel like I'm the problem and my therapist refuses. It's on me. I'm like, Could you give me homework? At least I would be doing something. So the pandemic sort of like broke my brain a little bit in that, you know, we didn't have to go outside or go anywhere or see anyone. My general resting state is like hermit. Right. Yeah. If I don't have to leave and, like, it sort of indulged all of my worst instincts and habits, it was like, oh, great. I'm going to get really comfortable in never going anywhere and never doing anything. And then when things started to open back up, I couldn't handle it. And I'm a pretty, like, even keeled person, right? And I know myself pretty well. I'm, like, really self-aware. And I would find myself in public just terrified. Like, terrified. Not even that something was going to happen, right? It was never like, Oh, somebody's going to walk in here and shoot us all up. It wasn't that kind of thing. It was very specific to me. Like, if I'm in the grocery store, oh, that man over there is probably going to come yell at me for making bad produce choices. Right, you know? So the moment where I was like, Oh, I really have to get some help, I was in the car, it was raining and I had my windshield wipers on, like not the fastest they could go, but not the slowest. Right. And so it's on the medium. And I'm sitting at this red light. I look at the car next to me and he is I'm going like slow. And I started to spiral, for lack of a better word, being like, why do I need mind to be fast? Why can't I just drive with the slow wipers like that guy? Why can't I be relaxed about anything? And truly, I'm, like, coming undone. About windshield wipers while stopped at a red light. And I was like, this is not normal. I need to talk to someone. And it took a little while. I had a couple other incidents, like I was then Trader Joe's, and it felt like this woman was chasing me. I know she wasn't. But you never, never. In the story, you see someone around every corner and like, yeah, yeah, in a rom com. It's cute, but when your brain is like boiled linguine, it's terrifying.

Amy Yeah.

Grace It's terrifying.

Samantha Irby I was like, Oh, she's following me. I need a doctor. So I finally got a doctor.

Grace No, I get it. I mean, honestly, what we've all been through collectively in the past few years, like it has done different things to different people. Like I was very much like you where I didn't barely leave my house for like a year and a half. And then once I did and then whenever I would like before vaccines, I sometimes wear two masks and a face shield to the store. And then I found myself getting, like, unreasonably angry with people who are walking in the halls without masks in my building. So I was just like in this constant state of discomfort and rage. So what mine turned into was just like cousin people out. And by out there, like, I can't get on this elevator without a mat, you know? So I think whatever this time is done. And then remember, that was all combined with George Floyd and all the racial unrest and, you know, tanks rolling down the barrier. So we've gone through something. All of you. Yeah. So whatever way you've processed it or whatever triggers it caused, I feel like that's completely normal. And we've all had that. You know.

Amy I still remember I went to the movie theaters, and it was the first and last time in the movie. Yeah, cause I went and I wore to Mass, and I'm like, looking at the audience around me and just seeing person after person coming in without a mask. And I'm like, I'm watching them, and I'm like, When the movie starts, I won't feel this way. But then I'm watching the movie, and then someone like coughs and it's literally, Sam, it's not that I'm like, Oh, they coughed. I'm going to get COVID. I'm past that. It's just like, I don't want to be around your car. Yes. I don't want to be around these people. I don't like that you're chewing on my chair. Why did you bump me? Like, it's weird. Yeah, like, I don't know what it is, but I'm like, something about the safety we needed from saying safe from COVID has become, like, this weird.

Grace Like, permanent thing. Yeah.

Amy Permanent shield that I need from people that I don't know when it'll go away.

Samantha Irby Yes, but it feels almost like moving through, like feels like a video game or something, right? When it's like, more like a person comes up to you, it's like, what are you doing? What do you want? I don't know. I got to the point where I was like, I don't need and I'm pretty good at small talk with a stranger. Now it takes me a second to be like, Oh, hey, yeah. Weather is nice. Uh huh. You know, like, I don't even know how to talk anymore. And we as for processing it, it's like, who has a hard time? Like, we can't. I feel like we're all just coping, but we're not, like, moving through. Like, you know, we haven't assessed. Yeah.

Amy Even though that's going on, I do think it's such a wonderful time to be on this call with the three of us because we all identify and I think that we should just like work on raising our vibration in this moment. Like, as you know, the show is called The Antidote because life is hard and we all need different antidotes to deal with the bullsh-- as we've all evidence. There's a lot of bullsh--. A lot of motherf---ing bullsh--. Yeah. So. So, Sam, what is your antidote this week? In other words, is there something non-work-related that's bringing you a little piece of joy this week?

Samantha Irby Yes. Okay. Forgive me for bringing up some old sh--, but somehow I missed on the first go round. Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Oh, wow. I love this. Yeah. Somehow I missed it when it was actually on. And it's so funny. It's the kind of thing that I wish I could work on. Right? Because it's just like insult after insult.

Grace You just put that out in the universe, Brooklyn Nine-Nine. But you know, it's like, we're going to come back. We're going to come back.

Amy Brooklyn 100. Yeah.

Samantha Irby And it's like getting, like, veep, like those shows that are, like, so fast. But at the end of the day, like, when it's like, okay, I can sit still before I passed out for 20 minutes and laugh. Brooklyn Nine-Nine is my is the soothing balm. At the end of my day.

Amy I'm obsessed with that. I also just want to know, Grace, you have I mean, Brooklyn Nine-Nine is not an old show. It's not it's like still out here. But is there a show that's kind of like just off the air that is your balm? At the end of the day.

Grace I flip back and forth between three actually. The office. The American office. Okay. Living single.

Amy Yeah, I love that.

Grace And the third one is Frasier.

Amy Wait. Okay. I love Frasier.

Samantha Irby I also love Frasier.

Grace Those are about three that I consistently come back to. Yeah.

Amy Yeah. I do feel like there's a part of me that's like an old man who went to boarding school with the father who's a cop.

Grace Oh, I identify with Frasier hard. Okay. Like Frasier and I have the same standards for, like.

Amy His his house, or it's like the it's eclectic. Like, the way he decorates. I was like, Yeah, me too Fras.

Grace Tossed salad and scrambled eggs, baby, all day.

Amy Come on. Sam, you've cultivated a real online presence around being quietly hostile, which is why the title of your book is perfect. But obviously, and I hate to reveal it to people, but there are corners of your heart that are really, really warm and sweet. And I'm curious about these two identities. How do you hold them both in your life and when do you choose to let one show more than the other?

Samantha Irby Well, oh, that's a good question that I'm I don't even have a funny answer for.

Amy I'm not your therapist. You don't got to be funny.

Grace Stop trying to give us a tight ten.

Grace Exactly.

Samantha Irby I think in general, like, okay, all I ever want to be is liked. All I want to do is, like, make people happy. Which is why I write jokes. Because I want to make people happy. And so I always lead with the nice. I mean, I truly am nice and, like, don't have a problem with many people or things until they present a problem for me. So I go out into the world like. But my inner monologue is a nightmare from hell. And in my head is usually where the hostility lies. A lot of it's pointed inward. But then sometimes I'll just, you know, I have a lot of thoughts that are like, man, I hope his car gets a flat tire today. You know what I mean? Like.

Grace What a gentle wish, you know, what I'm saying. I'll just, like, I hope he walks today.

Amy That's not. I think that.

Samantha Irby I can't have anybody, like, death on my conscience. Right? Like, I mean, sometimes I'm like, I hope they get hit by a bus and live. That's my. That's my, like.

Grace Just hope he breaks the bone real bad. Yeah.

Amy Hope they're shocked by it. Otherwise, fine.

Samantha Irby But yeah, I. The hostile is mostly self inflicted hostility. Or it's like reading the news and things happening in the world with my like, yeah, our class come out. But I try to I used to, you know, I worked in customer service for so long and I have mastered the sort of like neutral greeting, like, we're having an interaction. I'll start here. If you grow up here, I'll be so nice and sweet and whatever. But if you take it down here, then I'll get right down. Yeah, well, when they go low, I also go to hell. Okay, limbo, bitch. I don't care less, you know. But I do try to. I mean, I don't think that I have some, like, special magnetism ability, but I have found that just like moving through the world, it truly is easier if you start nice, you know?

Amy Yeah, you're so right. And sometimes, even when it's really hard. You're not wrong. Yeah. It just start things off better.

Samantha Irby There have been some trying situations than if you like. I grit my teeth, but you know, I'll be like, okay, I'm not sure that it works out.

Grace What's your sign, Samantha.

Samantha Irby Aquarius.

Amy Oh, wow.

Samantha Irby But I am a Leo Rising. Which explains.

Amy There it is.

Grace The fire.

Amy Yeah. Yeah.

Samantha Irby Which explains a lot. You know.

Grace Yeah. Cause I feel very similarly, like I can be very, very, very, very nice. But if you take me there. Oh, the flames will calm areas, so the flames will shoot out and burn you.

Samantha Irby Okay, well, here is some truth. I am sneaky mean, which is like, I could not fight, right? Like, if somebody had me, it would be them hitting me and me hitting the floor. Right? I cannot fight, but I'm the type who's like, how can I destroy something you love secretly?

Grace How can I make I don't want to end your life, but I just want to make it very unpleasant for you.

Amy 28% worse. I love that about you.

Samantha Irby Like, What's your favorite food? How can I destroy that for you? Just anything. I like the type who, you know, if I'm in a fight at work, let's say, like back in the old animal hospital days, I'm like, somebody pisses me off at work. I am the type to like, you know, the boss is like, Hey, Sam, what's going on? And I'll be like, Yeah, I'm good. We're having a good day. So, so, but you know, that girl over there didn't do X, Y, Z, and I don't know, I cleaned it up for her, but I don't really know if she understands how to work here, like I'm that type of person.

Grace Just like a quiet tattletale. Like it's just a nonchalant narc.

Samantha Irby Yeah. I feel so terrible admitting that. But if I have to be mean, that's how I mean. There's, like, I'm doing a great job, but, you know, who isn't? That bad girl who cheated on me earlier? You know, she may need a talking to.

Amy She may need a talking to. Yeah.

Grace Oh. What would you say in your life? Is your proudest non career accomplishment of anything?

Samantha Irby I learned to drive stick shift on the oldest card in history when I was 18 and to this day driving that wreck I had like a 1987 Ford Escort. I feel like I could drive a tank, but nothing. There's no vehicle that I can't manage the windshield wipers. I may have an existential meltdown over it, but I absolutely could drive the car. Like teaching myself painfully how to drive stick? Yeah, that's up there.

Amy And don't you feel like a superhero driving stick? Because you're like, I can drive in Europe?

Samantha Irby Yes. Okay. Any time I'm watching, like The Amazing Race and they get a stick shift car in Europe and they can't drive. And it's just like an and I'm like, you're.

Amy Like, I'd f---ing kill it.

Samantha Irby Yeah, this is one task. I would be good. When soon as they told me to run, I'd be like, oh, I quit. But the car, I can't do that. Oh, I'm off this show now.

Grace I mean, that's a huge accomplishment, you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, I wouldn't even try it. Like, I don't even know where stick shifts are. Like, like, where do you even buy one?

Amy Too late for you, Grace.

Samantha Irby You don't need to anymore. Now people only have them like for fashion. I drive an automatic now. It's much easier on my life.

Amy I fully drive an automatic. Yeah, but one time I went abroad and it was cheaper to rent a stick shift, and I was like, Don't worry, friends, I got it. And then I stalled out in the middle in the middle of a big old roundabout.

Grace Amy pushin the car around that roundabout. Oh. It must have been something wrong with the car.

Amy Yeah, I'm like, Oh, no, I definitely know how to drive it.

Samantha Irby I think this car is broken, it's not my fault.

Amy Let's take it back. Somebody push. Oh, Sam. Wow. I feel so much better now that we've talked to you. This has been awesome. Oh, my God.

Grace Thank you so much for being here. I mean, it's still 2022, but feels a lot better after we talk to you.

Samantha Irby Oh, thanks. Yeah, mine too. You're better than Zoloft.

Grace Thank you.

Amy Every day just a little bit better is is a lot even though, you know, do you have anything coming up you want to tell us about anything you'd like to plug? You can even be something you just love, not something you created.

Samantha Irby Okay. Something that I'm not a part of. This podcast Maintenance Phase. Aubrey Gordon, who is a friend of mine.

Amy I'm in a maintenance phase. Oh, my God.

Samantha Irby Who, she wrote a book called What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat. She's like, incredible. She has this podcast where it almost is like investigative or like research based, but where they take some part of diet culture and dissect it in a funny I mean, some of the topics aren't like hilarious, but they are both like so funny and smart. She and her partner, Michael, they're just really doing good work in the fat people space and they're just the best. So Maintenance Phase.

Amy Obsessed.

Grace Awesome. Check that out.

Amy Yeah, that sounds great.

Samantha Irby It makes me feel altruistic to plug someone else.

Amy That is so awesome. But I'm going to go ahead and plug your book as well. All your books. Y'all heard them in the bio. But you know, just Google Sam Irby and buy everything you see.

Grace Yeah, yeah. You could get it on Kindle. You could get it out Kobo. You can get it on Audible.

Samantha Irby Oh, yeah. Shock your librarian by asking for it.

Amy Yes. Why are you in here?

Grace And where can people find you? Are they Internet? Only, only Instagram? What's your-

Samantha Irby Only Instagram. It's bitchegottaeat.

Grace Love it.

Amy Love it. Classic. Well, this has been awesome. Thank you so much.

Grace Thank you so much, Sam.

Amy Bye.

Grace Bye. Okay. To close this out, we're doing our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity. Amy, are you ready for this week's quote?

Amy Yeah. Girl.

Grace You can't put your finger on who I am. I can't put my finger on who I am. And that is by Beyoncé knowles-Carter.

Amy What? I've never heard this.

Grace Yes, I'll read it one more time. Oh, you can't put your finger on who I am. I can't put my finger on who I am. Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter.

Amy I don't understand this quote. I can't put my finger on what it means, but that's because Beyonce doesn't want me to. What I love about this quote is that I keep thinking of her song, I'm that Girl, where she says, like, I didn't want this power. And she's like, it just happened to me. That's what makes me think of how we are actually vessels of our art. And some people are open to the call and some people are not and sometimes not being open. The call isn't like, Oh, you have a talent, you're not pursuing it. It's judging yourself too much, not completing deadlines, it's having an idea and then thinking it's not good enough. Not investing in it, but there's always a call. And beyond, say, what I love about her is that she is open to the call. And I think that quote to me, like you're trying to figure out, but I can't figure me out because I didn't ask for this to just happen to me. And I was just open to the call. That's what I kind of here. I want to live closer to that feeling, but I don't always. What does it make you feel, Grace?

Grace It actually makes me think about evolution. So when I think about Beyonce in particular, like obviously the first time we saw her was with Destiny's Child as the lead singer of a group. Then she busts out with, you know, crazy in love and then, you know, everything from for to self-titled to lemonade to now this new Renaissance Act one. And, you know, we've heard two more acts are coming. And so what I love about her in particular as an artist and, you know, obviously I stay on her constantly. So a lot of people think it's basic to like Beyonce or like it's the thing to do for, you know, a youngish black woman to love Beyonce. But I love her because I don't know what I'm going to get every time I bet on nobody's bingo card for 2022. You thought you were going to get a house dance? We are facing like album, like Renaissance. Like when I heard it, I was just like, Oh my God, she's doing this here and she's doing this there. And that's why I'm so thirsty for those visuals, because I know they're going to be incredible. So the whole thing about like, I can't put a finger on who I am because you can't put a figure on who I am, because I can't put a figure on who I am, is that it feels like she's open to evolving in whatever way her art can take her, which is exciting to me because I think on a certain level as artists, oftentimes I was just like, What is my voice? What am I trying to say? Like, Who am I as an artist? But what I love about this quote is like, it could be anything. It can change. You know, Beyoncé started out as like a straight up pop girl who was dancing and everything, and then she went to Lemonade where she got more politically active in her music. And now this is sort of a return to dance, but in a different way. So it's like maybe we don't need to be so concerned about defining ourselves as artists that we can just sort of evolve wherever the work takes us and stop being like trying to peg yourself in a box or peg yourself as a certain thing. Because if you decide that I'm not going to put myself in a box, I'm not going to put my finger on who I am. As Beyoncé Knowles-Carter said, then if I don't define me, you can't define me either. So that's what I love about this quote is just sort of almost giving permission to be whatever the f--- you want to be. It could be Tuesday and I'm this and I'm Friday, I'm this. So I think it just gives the creative mind room and space to expand.

Amy Yeah. Oh, I like that. I love that. Thinking of artist evolution. I feel like I've gotten to so many conversations with people about, like, some of the greatest artists stay doing what they do. Mm hmm. They're like, This is my land. I'm going to stay in and I'm going to keep doing it. And then some great artists like Beyonce, they evolve over time. And you always feel her. Obviously, she has such an iconic voice, but like, yeah, she's always in evolution. And I think she's someone who's like, Oh, the thing I did last year over it, moving on. Let's evolve and let's bring the culture with me. It's a it's really beautiful. And it's like anyone who says basic to like Beyonce. You mad at yourself.

Grace Oh, I literally don't care.

Amy You made at yourself. I'm like, wow. Okay.

Grace Yeah, I guess you don't like joy, but.

Amy Yeah. Tell me you ain't got self-esteem.

Grace Exactly. And the thing is, let the artist evolve because that's also something that happens is like some stans or some fans are just like, now, I like it when you did this other thing. I mean, that happened a lot with Beyoncé after she did formation. Like people were just like, Oh, no, Beyonce is black. Like Beyonce cares about police brutality or whenever. Oh, no. I was just like, yes, she been Black, always been Black.

Amy And she was hiding it to get here to incept yo ass and so she won.

Grace Yeah. And it's like let her evolve, let her be something different. Like when all those country people got mad when she did daddy lessons at the CMA and just you see all these like dour faces in the audience just hating and refusing to clap and stuff like that. Let artists evolve to do what they want to do.

Amy I agree.

Grace Thanks for listening to the antidote. Me Hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?

Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.

Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me, Grace at Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T. 

Amy And follow me, Amy at amyAniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I and the show at theeantidotepod.

Grace That's thee with two E's.

Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe at Spotify, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Goodbye and take care of yourself today. The Antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. The show's production team includes senior producer Se'era Spragley Ricks and associate producer Jess Penzetta.

Grace Our executive producers Erica Kraus and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Alex Simpson.

Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT, the Artist and Cosmo the Truth.

Grace Studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.

Amy Send us your antidotes at antidoteshow.org and remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's thee with two E's. Also, don't forget about our live show. It's this Saturday, November 12th, at 7:30 p.m. at Union Hall in Brooklyn, New York. Doors open at 7 p.m.. Our guests are the Dulce Sloane and Jordan Carlos. And you can purchase tickets now at NewYorkComedyFestival.com. That's NYcomedyfestival.com or at the link in our shownotes.

Grace We'd love to see you! The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.